A week and a half ago the worst thing happened to me. No, I didn’t get knocked up; I got a flat tire. Boo. I was at the intersection in the only left turning lane by N. Lynn St. right by the Key Bridge. I was looking pretty cute because I got all dressed up for a dinner date. I looked something like this:
Well, thank God for AAA because they were gonna come in 2 hours! I decided to play a game to see how many guys would offer to help me change my tire. Well, men of DC, you have sorely disappointed me.
The first person to ask if I needed help was a Mexican – man do I love foreigners! He probably could have changed my tire and my oil and cleaned my car. He was driving a van, who knows what (who) was in the back. I turned him down, sadly, because I had to continue with my research. Then a guy who was walking – again foreign! He asked if he could change my tire and I turned him down as well.
Okay, so I coach gymnastics, and I carry my equipment around with me. So guess what I had in my car at the time? A trampoline and a “mailbox” mat. I looked like I was a naughty girl carrying around all this stuff. I recieved many comments from cars driving by about my trampoline. One group of thugged-out white boys my age in a pimped Escalade stopped at the light. The first and only thing they asked was, “Babe, what’s the trampoline for?” I told them I taught gymnastics classes to adults in the nude, and then I told them to fuck off.
I made a quick call to Sally who told me I should try to get people to take my photo. Sadly, this did not work. I tried: I applied lipstick and jumped on my tramp but the only people who offered had cell phones.
The best part of my 3 hours gymnastics show (yes, I waited for 3 long hours), was when the cops came and set up flares! I felt soooo cool and I really wished I had a camera. You should have seen the people pass by and stare. Was there and accident? Where is the other car? Why is there a trampoline? I bet this was what they were asking themselves.
This guy who had been stalking me (he passed me four times within an hour) pulled over and was like I will change you tire. So, I decided AAA was not coming and thank God the cop came back because this guy was very frightening. The cop asked me what the trampoline was for too; I told him the truth, I didn’t want to get arrested for teaching nude gymnastics. 🙂
So, my conclusion is that I saw far too many attractive guys driving very nice cars pass by without stopping to help. Where have all the real men gone? They are all metroed out with American Crew hair gel with their fancy clothes and manicured nails. You could’ve gotten laid by changing my tire! Sike….
By the way, I can change my own tire. Seriously, I was just doing research. But next time I get a flat this is what I will be wearing:
With Love, Dasha