I met a girl in January. We hit it off and I took her out to one of my favorite places for the first date. I treated this girl like a lady because I’m older now and I need to get past my whore-banging phase. On that first date we started to get to know each other and she seemed like an interesting person. I really wanted to bang her but I held back since I’m not supposed to be a horny bastard anymore.
The second date went okay but things started showing up that made me lose interest. Still, I was a gentlemen and didn’t go for sex. The third date was a disaster; I realized I wasn’t into her and didn’t have much to say. I thought to myself a lot on that date: “How much money did these dates cost me? I really should have went for it on that first date. I wonder what new flavor taquitos 7-11 will come up with next. Maybe I should go back to dating whores.”
It?s two months later and I?m still lost and confused, like an elephant who just escaped from the zoo. I?m wandering through society wondering who I should set my eyes on and randomly pounce on. While I like conservative girls because they are smart and don?t have sex with every guy that gives them attention, I can?t help but look back and reminisce with the whores I?ve been with.
One reason why I like whores is because they are excellent in bed. It’s kinda hard not to be with all that experience sleeping with different men. Some of you conservative girls reading this are saying, “That’s bullshit, I had a boyfriend for two years and all we did was have sex and he loved it.” Sorry but your sample size of one or two guy?s doesn’t make you an expert. Whores instinctively know what a guy likes, and ensure he will get his that very first time they bang.
Another reason why whores are excellent is because they care more about your pleasure than theirs. A great example of this is the lower back tattoo. Why do you think she would get a tattoo that she will never see? It’s so you have something to look out while you’re doing her doggy style. She wants you to be visually entertained during sex; how thoughtful is that?! Whores will also go down on you without having to gently push down on her head. It really ruins the romantic moment for me when I have to think of a plan to get a girl to do something that I know will give her no sexual pleasure.
Finally, you don’t need to buy her a promise ring to get some action; she will put out no later than the second date. Seriously, what’s the point of waiting for sex anymore… this is 2005. Even college basketball players at shitty schools have groupies now. Conservative girls make you purchase the orange without making sure the juice is worth the squeeze.
Even with all these very good reasons to bang whores, I know it won’t be smart to go back. Experience from my friends ? and not me ? have shown that you WILL get something if you sleep around a lot. It?s not that condoms don?t work, it?s just that you both forget about them during the heat of the moment. And plus there are those girls – hot, clean looking girls – who don?t want you to use a condom. It’s hard to say no to that?
The bottom line is that whores pleasure your small brain while conservative girls pleasure your big brain. I don?t believe that all the hip hop stars who rap about wanting a ?freak in the sheets and a lady on the streets? are so accurate in their assessment. That is what I want, but hopefully like the elephant I don?t get put down before I find it.
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