Roosh V A Dead Bat In Paraguay Bang


WHY YOU GET PUMPED AND DUMPED

It seems that girls have rules for every dating act there is: how to speak to a man, show interest, accept dating offers, show affection, put out, etc. How did it get to this point? I believe many American women have a hard time acting genuine around men because they have modified their personalities with behavior they see in celebrities and television, and things they’ve read in pop psychology and relationship books, which combined is a powerful cultural force that your typical American girl can not ignore.

At some point in an American girls life, usually late in college or immediately after, there is one guy who demolishes her heart. He stomps on it while she watches, right before he starts making out with another girl. She liked him a lot but he didn’t reciprocate for whatever reason. Her friends – who have most likely never had a meaningful relationship in their lives – start giving her “advice” on how to hook guys in the future. Don’t seem desperate. Show less interest. Don’t call back right away. Don’t put out until the eighth date. She takes this advice seriously, and supplements it with The Rules readings and Sex and the City viewing marathons. She ends up worshipping a show that features old women who are absolute failures at having a fulfilling relationship, but who have the ever-so-useful skill of analyzing every minute behavior that a guy could possibly do.

Instead of accepting that rejection is a part of life – where you will get burned repeatedly – and forging ahead with a natural attitude, the American girl overcompensates and incorporates a ridiculous game that is just an elaborate defense mechanism against getting hurt. She turns herself from a vulnerable, real woman into a cold, aloof spinster who no guy could possibly take seriously. There is no reversing the corruption of the American female after this brainwashing, and she will forever be tainted in the eyes of an honest, genuine man.

The same man who would have found her normal self to be quite charming and relationship-worthy is extremely disturbed that this pretty girl plays the game so hard. Because there is no guy out there who wants to settle down with a girl who is usually “busy”, detached, and so easily influenced by fictional TV shows, he puts up with her cold gaming long enough to get that notch on his bedpost. How amusingly ironic that a girl who is scared of getting pumped and dumped takes on a game and attitude that causes guys to pump and dump her even more. It may take a lifetime for her to understand that most men simply want a cute girl who treats him well.

The American girl blazes through her 20’s spending all her money on clothes and alcohol, meeting guys at happy hours and bump n’ grind nights at the club. Each year her game gets “better” until the point where she can date multiple guys at once while being completely unhappy at the same time. Her 30’s arrive and the nagging from her mother to find a man can no longer be ignored. During the ensuing panic her guard lowers enough to deceive a desperate guy that she will actually make a good wife. The guy makes the biggest mistake of his life by marrying damaged goods, saying hello to a miserable suburban existence with a woman who is incapable of happiness, while saying goodbye to oral sex forever.

 
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100 Comments »
nabeel
10 years ago

good post… very astute observation of cultural and societal forces, which are very powerful and sometimes unfair indeed

Guest
10 years ago

“How amusingly ironic that a girl who is scared of getting pumped and dumped takes on a game and attitude that causes guys to pump and dump her even more. It may take a lifetime for her to understand that most men simply want a cute girl who treats him well.”

Brilliant.

10 years ago

“and supplements it with The Rules readings and Sex and the City viewing marathons”

OK dcb. you’re just going to have to watch some satc because the only woman who really plays by rules is Charlotte. The rest of them talk a lot about relationships and are confused by them, but the go along with how their (characters’) personalities are. Not by playing some game. And as for the way they analyze guys, well, women would do that anyway. We analyzed guys way before that show even came on.

And just because a girl has been sucked into game playing in the past does not mean she is permanently “brainwashed” into a gameplaying “spinster”. Sometimes girls realize how ridiculous games are and stop playing them.

And are you saying, dcb, that you don’t play games? You’ve never acted in a different way than you normally would to impress a girl or to try to make her want you? Because, at some point, by this age, everyone’s been involved in some type of game playing – and it’s certainly not just women.

So I agree that women who just play these games and aren’t themselves are really missing out on real relationships, but guys do it just as much. Believe me, I know.

Anonymous
10 years ago

As long as shows like Sex and the City and Desperate Housewives are the top-rated shows in America, guys will have a problem. This is a horrible time to look for a serious girlfriend. All the females in this DC area (and on this blog network) think they are Carrie Bradshaw. Give me a freakin’ break. Quit with the games. Guys dump you because they get tired of the B.S. Take heed.

holiday
10 years ago

I think there’s a lot of truth to what you’ve said, but what is the solution. Don’t get your heart broken in the first place?

Anonymous
10 years ago

This whole article reminds me of American Beauty. It was a good movie.

10 years ago

I would like to say that it’s not only American girls that are like this. It’s girls in general. I have friends from Canada, Italy, Belgium, England, and Ireland(all natives to these countries), and they are the same way.

I disagree with you targeting just the American girl in this post. American men play these games and follow these assinine rules just like the girls do.

American

10 years ago

Shit. I didn’t mean to hit submit just yet.

American women have a hard time acting genuine around men
This applies to men as well. IMO, I think it’s more common for a woman to be attracted to a man based upon his personality than it is for her to be attracted physically. Sure physical attraction is big……but if I guy starts a conversation with a gal at a bar and he’s funny, witty, sweet, charming, he has a chance with her.

If an ugly girl approaches a guy, he probably won’t be as likely to give her the time of day.

So I believe men have to overcompensate and put on an act of sorts to even get a girls attention, which means it probably isn’t genuine.

The American girl blazes through her 20?s spending all her money on clothes and alcohol, meeting guys at happy hours and bump n? grind nights at the club

Like the American guy doesn’t blaze through his 20’s spending all his money on alcohol, video games, and other things that boys find to be necessities in life, AND they meet girls happy hours and bump n’grind nights at clubs. Come on now. THIS just happens to be the American way of life if you’re in your 20s. It’s not just a girl thing.

Each year her game gets ?better? until the point where she can date multiple guys at once while being completely unhappy at the same time

Each year, a guys game gets “better” until the point where HE can date multiple girls at once. While he might be happy putting it to 3 girls at once, he’ll get a reputaion when he finally gets caught. And you all get caught with that because for the most part, men aren’t real good at covering their tracks. Or women are just real good at the detective thing.

Her 30?s arrive and the nagging from her mother to find a man can no longer be ignored. During the ensuing panic her guard lowers enough to deceive a desperate guy that she will actually make a good wife. The guy makes the biggest mistake of his life by marrying damaged goods, saying hello to a miserable suburban existence with a woman who is incapable of happiness, while saying goodbye to oral sex forever.

Similar can be said for the guy. He gets to a point where he really feels that it’s time to spread his seed. Being that it’s more socially acceptable to take a wife and THEN make the babies, he begins his search for a gal who will make a good wife. Blahblahblah all that shit above happens. Marriage occurs…..babies happen……then he realizes he wants some hot 23 year old piece of ass instead.

I will gladly share the blame for these miserable relationships with the male gender, but I think it’s unfair to try and put it all on women. It works both ways with all this game played bullshit.

Anonymous
10 years ago

You forgot to mention that it isn’t just the “fucking and chucking,” but also the fact that for girls, looks deteriorate with age (more so than with men IMO), thus making them less likely to be able to play the “game” with any amount of success.

nabeel
10 years ago

I wouldn’t be so quick to blame the TV shows like desperate housewives and sex in the city. I mean, it’s almost like watching a violent movie such as lethal weapon, and then going out the door and buying guns and dynamite and doing those violent acts. While we have some crime around here, I would say that 95% of us are not influenced by TV like that. And I would go out on a limb to say that I don’t think that 95% of us men or women are influenced by those entertaining shows like housewives and sex in the city.

The Senator
10 years ago

Well DCB I think that if you treat a woman the right way by treating her with respect and love you will see an new side. This is all women want from man and a true gentleman would do this. I on the other hand would treat her like a dirty whore and try to penetrate every hole I can such as the ears, nose, mouth, and especially the anus.

10 years ago

I did not write that last comment. Someone is using my moniker.

However, I do agree with the first sentence, but clearly not the last one.

Anonymous
10 years ago

Senator

In the end you are correct. But there is a long time period (from the start of college until the late 20’s) when girls go from Alpha-male to Alpha-male trying desperately to “change” him, only to find out that there are half a dozen other women (usually very good looking women if the guy is a “catch”) waiting to have a “chance.” They get screwed over again and again, and eventually, they will go for a guy that makes them happy. The girl I’m dating now, sadly, seems to be one that has been “fucked and chucked” a few times. The hooking up is great and I really like her, but should I really put myself on the line (as in time money and other resources) for someone that is a serial dater and I’m just another guy?

10 years ago

Oh, I forgot about the entertainment influence. I seem to recall there being quite a jump in boys acting like they were these pimpin playboys back when a certain movie called Swingers became popular in the late 90s.

10 years ago

Well the media protrays women very badly. Women are oppresed by their mail counterparts and its a darn shame. What I belive is to correct this. How you might ask; men should make degrading sex tapes with the women they are with when they can. Then they should show their friends as this is a way got gentlemen to bond.

10 years ago

You know, posting under someone else’s name is an exceedingly pussy thing to do. I mean, you’d have to big a *huge* douche bag to do that. I’m just throwing that out there.

10 years ago

DCB..this is the real me.

I am no longer commenting on your site. (For the readers out there, I have not been making those comments. There is no real way to make you believe that this is the real me, but it is.)

DCB, I just emailed you. I hope we can clear this up.

Thanks…

10 years ago

DCB, my guess is that you will not ask for the Sex in the City dvd set for the holidays.

Women armor themselves. Men pace themselves.

10 years ago

Sage words. These Self Imposed “Rules” girls seem to be obsessed with continually backfire.

Any girl who pulls that hard-to- get bullshit with me on a first date forces me to lose interest immediately because it either indicates A), she’s a prude who’s terrible in bed, or B), she’s already looking too far into the future towards a long-term relationship. Horrible. Horrible. http://www.dougdaniels.net/blog.html

Liz
10 years ago

FIGHTING ON TEH INTARNETZ R00LZ!1!!one

10 years ago

Why am I finding this so hysterical??

Liz
10 years ago

ROFFLE MAYO!!!

10 years ago

DCB,

You are entirely correct on nearly all points, and I appreciate the time you put into the post–it is well written and virtually air tight.

On that note, I notice that many of the people who have commented against your article do not fully understand what I would call the rules of argument engagement. For example, to someone who can only reply to your post by asserting that men do the same thing, I would say this, “The issue at hand is not what men do; it is what women do. Pointing the finger back doesn’t qualify as a legitimate arguing technique.”

However, I will also say this: the reasons you give are all true, but they are not the core of what’s going on. I have dumped several women because they do exactly what you’ve just described, as well as some far more vile forms of gaming. At the same time the most fundamental reason I left the relationship was simply that I realized that I wasn’t in love with the woman and I couldn’t see myself falling in love with her.

This can happen to men and women as soon as the next morning when a sober view of things takes hold and as later as 10 years into a marriage.

So, I would say that the reason everything you say is correct is because it’s impossible to fall in love and stay in love with someone who doesn’t exist or someone who has reinvented themselves in a very shallow way. When a woman acts as though she’s someone she’s not to “get” a man, she has fundamentally doomed herself. When a woman adopts a shallow material/how-do-I-look veneer, she is playing a character that doesn’t allow a man to see her true beauty.

10 years ago

DCB…I have said it once and I will say it again. I do not believe that you like women very much. I think your comments about women are exaggerated and often times mean. Women are much more complex than how you describe us…not to mention smarter. Yes, some women play games but not all of us. You are obviously attracting these women because you too have issues with yourself.
And as far as the whole “american women” thing..if you don’t like us…pack it up and go. I seriously doubt that many women will miss you.

vb
10 years ago

wow.

10 years ago

This is one of the best things I’ve read in a while. Very well done.

As always, you can ignore most of what women say, since they constantly say one thing and do the opposite of it.

And what’s with all the Senator bashing? If you disagree with him, that’s cool. But leaving lame comments while pretending to be him? How old are you? 11? 12?

10 years ago

I could not be with anyone who is so afraid of what others think that he has to pretend to be with someone else.

10 years ago

I meant to say “be someone else”.

Anonymous
10 years ago

Chase, freudian slip?

10 years ago

What would Jesus say?

10 years ago

Actually, it’s my impression that DCB likes women very much.

10 years ago

Yeah, what would Jesus say about the Iraq war? what would Jesus say about a lot of things? I hope that was sarcastic and not coming from some b.s. conservative with absolutely no ability to make an educated guess about what Jesus would say. There’s nothing more insulting to the ideas of Jesus than heartless bullshit Republicans asking what Jesus would say.

Sorry for the random rant. But I hate that question.

Elvis
10 years ago

When I first read this, I thought, “yah, he’s got a point.” Then I thought of my sister, who is decidedly very “American”, after all… that’s what she is by definition, and said “Nah…” Some of it is good, but it’s too broad. And if it is, then… ah, I may be partly to blame. For example, my sister calls me from college and says some bf was a jerk. I tell he, “don’t you take shit from nobody, especially Joe Cool. Cowgirl up.” And when she asked me in high school about dating, I’d say, “guys are like fourth and two at the goal-line — do you want to settle for a field goal or ‘go for it’ for a TD?” The answer was always the same — “go for it.” She’s spending her twenties spending her money cause… she can. She asked Elvis to check her resume and give her interview tips cause I used to be on hiring committee’s (and how to negotiate killer salary). Point is, there are American women out there who wonder why they get pumped and dumped, but then there are also women out there who know the “Run and Gun” (and their husbands love it cause they can watch college football and yell things like, “Don’t be a pussy and run that spread offense shit!!!!”).

The Senator
10 years ago

I will be back after I have a cup of tea of sum young guy

10 years ago

Please explain, DC Cookie.

hanky
10 years ago

Ok

I will clear everything up for everyone

you have to understand the biological aspect of all this nonsense first

most animals only have 10 cranial nerves…which means they have simple reflex behaviors and have very basic behaviors when it comes to eating, living, and ESPECIALLY mating

Mammals, more specifically humans, have 12 cranial nerves. The extra 2 cranial nerves allow for more complex mating behavior, courtship, etc.

So right off the bat, you have to expect the whole “dating game” to be a very complex, layered practice.

Secondly, yes, hundreds of years ago the mating game was quite simple in america…a guy would court a girl and then marry her and produce babies.
However we live in the 21st century where we are bombarded everywhere with sex, drugs, rock and roll, and with the creation of protection (ie condoms), the very idea of sex became a recreationary idea.

Thus, when sex became a recreationary sport, the whole concept of dating/monogamy became tainted.

DCB noted the irony of how a woman wants to avoid being pumped and dumped but ends up like that anyway
heres the other irony…the feminist movement was meant to liberate women and by using birth control they were able to also control their bodies and use sex as power, but the irony is that they have inherently damaged not only the dating ritual but also themselves………..now they have to create facades, act unlike themselves, and ultimately hide their true intentions in fear of being heartbroken…………as if they’re afraid of being hurt for the 1,001st time

10 years ago

I am a little confused at Hanky. Are you equating birth control with females losing control and themselves? I mean I think it’s cute that you read some genetics books, but let’s not overreach here.

Gender generalizations are absurd–though fun to fight about. I agree with previous posts in that we are all fucked up in the same ways penis or pussy. DCB/lots of dudes just hold women to a more critical standard because his jollies/the one or whatever are involved.

And, we all hate to be hurt. Call it games, call it protecting yourself, call it a fa?ade?whatever. When we find someone that hurt is worth the risk for what we find if we stop playing games, then it?s our risk/reward. If not, it?s just as lonely as always. No matter if you?re chick or with dick.

Interesting post though.

10 years ago

Perhaps we should revisit arranged marriages and write off this “dating game” as a passing fad?

10 years ago

The game is a relatively new fad. Only in the past century have we moved from an arranged marriage situation where a girl is just property, to that of being able to chose who we want to marry.

It is ignorant to say that it’s based on the fact that we have more “cranial nerves” than other species.

There is something to say about having a good personality. You won’t succeed without it. But if it’s all a farse, you will fail equally, yet wonder why.

Think Senator is an IDIOT!
10 years ago

James to answer your question im 13 and a half years old.

10 years ago

Good to see you back online. At first I feared that you bannished my IP again after my blog comment about you today

Liz
10 years ago

feared? now why in the hell would you fear?

omg teh 1nt3rn3tz h8s /\/\3!!!

my god today is boring. i think i’ll post on the buzzboard some more.

The Senator
10 years ago

dcb its me,
Did you happen to find out who is using my moniker yet. I cant seem to figure that out or why I enjoy getting penetrated in my rectum. I appreciate your consideration in this matter. Look forward to hearing from you soon.

10 years ago

“omg teh 1nt3rn3tz h8s /\/\3!!!”

Liz, are tryping again? 😉

CPMC
10 years ago

Hey DCB this is the CMPC Crew and this is getting out of hand now. Whoever is using the Senators moniker PLEASE STOP!! or you will give you the thrashing of your life when we find out who you are!! We don’t want the truth about the Senator being gay Leaking out. We all like having our gay orgies and being penetrated in the a hole in deep secret. It will ruin our gentlemen image. Toushae.

CPMC
10 years ago

WE ment CPMC

Liz
10 years ago

omg someone is using my moniker!

*cries*

10 years ago

I have polled over two-hundred thousand people in the last 12 minutes, and they all concur that the Senator is not gay. This study possesses a 2-4% margin of error.

10 years ago

Hey, I wasn’t polled.

Lies make baby Jesus cry.

The Senator
10 years ago

I wasnt polled either. The survey has to have a larger margin of error

Spaniard
10 years ago

Man, this is childish but very very funny

10 years ago

You two weren’t polled because gays were ineligible for polling. This is really childish.

10 years ago

fabulous and thoroughly depressing.

but you can’t just blame the women in dc for the sad state of dating. true, the women who play games are usually angry, passive-aggressive, self-loathing, and/or depressed. but the men tend to be fronting as players, all worried about when a girl’s gonna put out. and since both men and women tend to be equal intimacy phobes, the relationship-sabotaging behaviors continue.

i think the bottom line is, there’s usually only one person out there who you’re gonna wanna hook up with long-term–everyone else ’til then is just a glorified FB. nothing wrong with F-buds, but you’re doomed the second you try to fool yourself into thinking every potential mate is relationship-material if you could just get the rules of the game right. the only chance you’ve got at making a worthwhile connection is to behave authentically. which means giving a damn and not being too chicken to show you give said damn. male or female.

btw, not all spinsters are cold and aloof. 😉

10 years ago

“DCB?I have said it once and I will say it again. I do not believe that you like women very much. I think your comments about women are exaggerated and often times mean. Women are much more complex than how you describe us?not to mention smarter. Yes, some women play games but not all of us. You are obviously attracting these women because you too have issues with yourself.”

Well, I’m a woman and I completely agree with DCB’s post. Yes, women are smart and complex…which lends to females being calculating and cunning. Yes, guy play games….but women play them a hell of a lot more often. Women think ten steps ahead and men don’t. Men think in terms of immediacy. The focus on what’s in front of them and going on in the moment. Women think about “the future” which often leads them to overlook what’s going on in the now. And women? Are more likely to lack accurate self-awareness. At least men know when they’re batting otu fo their league.

As far as SATC….entertaining? Yes. Educational? Fuck no. It’s destroyed women. Everyone keeps tryign to emulate these women and seem to overlook the fact that they were all self-obsessed emotional cripples who walked aroudn thinkign the world owed them a boyfriend.

Moxie
sexandmoxie.blogspot.com

Liz
10 years ago

OMFG NEW POST LOLZ!!!!one

Annie
10 years ago

A man with class wouldn’t make out with another girl in front of you. That is hurtful and not neccessary. A player knows how to play his cards – when he is with you, he is with you. As a girl who has a positive attitude about life and really justs wants to have a good time – I am shocked and amazed by the ruthless and hurtful manner some men (and women) have treated others. Why bring such negativity to any situtation. I just don’t understand – it really makes me sad.

10 years ago

DCB – finally made my way to your site and love the postings. More great reads to get me through the work day.

“The American girl blazes through her 20?s spending all her money on clothes and alcohol, meeting guys at happy hours and bump n? grind nights at the club. Each year her game gets ?better? until the point where she can date multiple guys at once while being completely unhappy at the same time. Her 30?s arrive and the nagging from her mother to find a man can no longer be ignored.”
Agreed (for the most part). Underneath all those hooched-up 20 somethings bump’n and grind’n, you’ve hit the nail on the head and we women know it too. When the smoke clears and we give it some thought it just makes us more depressed and sends us on our way to spend more money on clothes and booze in hopes of making us feel better. Yes we women play games, over analyze and ruin potentially good relationships. But men do it too. And we’ve all been doing it long before SATC.

10 years ago

Wanna know why girls play the silly games?

galgani
10 years ago

Honestly, I have not seen one point which talks about why us women really play this game. I think it’s our reaction to what men expect! If we don’t ‘play the game’ men find us unchallenging (and I’m not talking about putting out!). If a girl is too nice, no matter how gorgeous she is.. the guys in d.c. become uninterested. It seems that they all (yes, I’m stereotyping!) they ALL want to have this woman who is on a pedestal; and somehow unattainable. Why this is, I don’t know. But!
Our conditioning as women living here (and I’ve lived other places) is to play this game of indifference! The more distant a woman is, the harder the man will chase her. It guarantees unhappiness, because the woman is never really allowed to ‘open up’ and have deep emotions which allow a connection to the man, and the man will live in misery constantly trying to sustain her attention.

I would really like to know why this is.

Clutch
9 years, 11 months ago

As my uncle always says “the reason women are crazy is because the exhaust was put too close to the intake.” The real problem is that men can’t say what they want. If we did we would come off looking like pigs or just looking stupid in general, and if a man shows his true feelings he runs the risk of ridicule. Women always say they want a sensitive man but women never say what they really mean anyway. Case in point: Man says “So-and-so are having a boys poker night Friday, I’m meeting them over there at 6pm.” Woman Says “That So-and-so, I don’t really like him, I thought we would go see a movie Friday.” Man says “I havn’t hung out with “the boys” in awhile and last time So-and-so had a get together we had already made plans for us to go out to dinner.” woman says (this is the key) “That’s fine, have a good time with “the boys”.” But what she really means is have a good time with the boys cause it’s gonna suck for you when you get home. If she doesn’t like your friend she feels you shouldn’t either and if you go out with him he is more important to you then her feelings are. She would NEVER come right out and say this but it is always implied in the tone and good luck with any sex for at least a few days after (oh and don’t forget the groveling). Women all seem to think we must have Dion Warwick and her Psycic friends network on speed dial because they expect us to know what they are thinking even when their words are completly to the contrary. It’s like when a girl wears clothing with all of her bits hanging out all over the place, she is saying to some one come and get it, but if it isn’t ment for you she will say “What are you looking at.” this is where I will say something to the effect of “your dressed like an ad for phone sex, what do you think I was lookin’ at” She then says “You’re a pig” and I will reply “You look like a 2 dollar hoe. What? You didn’t think any one would look. Are you stupid and a tramp?” on average our courtship ends at this point. Every so often this approach will get the girl but honestly it often ends badly. I say what I mean when I want to, if every one was honest about thier “feelings” there would rarely be any misunderstandings: Man “Hi, my name is so and so, I would like to have sex with you.” Woman ” You are not my type, I am dressed like a street walker in an attempt to hook up with some one who is.” Man “Do you have a friend who might be interested in me?” Woman ” My fat friend with a hair-lip will take anything she can get, do you have any real standards?” Man ” No, in fact I do not and would like it if you would introduce me to her so that I can have sex with her and never call her again.” woman “Hey fat friend with a hair lip this is So-and-so he would like to have sex with you and never have to call you again.” Fat friend with a hair lip says ” I have come to expect it. We will go back to my place and I will let you do whatever you want to me, I do however get easily attached and if I see you in public after tonight even though I know this is a one-night-stand, I will come up and cause a scene.” man says “OK let me get a drink first to take the edge off of your face.” Honesty that is all I ask for.

9 years, 11 months ago

Interesting observations, but definitely made by a man in his twenties. I can’t speak for all women, but having turned 30 a couple months ago and really felt the shift internally, I can say that today it’s so much LESS about playing games and getting married. After experiencing a broken heart and a couple bad relationships and some lousy dates and a few men who didn’t appreciate me when I treated them well, I have a more solid understanding of what makes me happy and what does not. And most importantly, I understand that being happy is more important than what a guy thinks of me or whether or not he wants to put a ring on my finger. (Hey, I’m only 30, “forever” still scares the crap out of me.)

And any woman who uses SATC as her how-to guide deserves whatever romantic misfortunes befall her. That stuff is just bullshit.

Anonymous
9 years, 10 months ago

clutch: hysterical post. though i would never be able to date someone such as yourself. HA!

dadood
9 years, 10 months ago

wudda wudda wudda dealio

Anonymous
9 years, 10 months ago

wow…author sounds pretty scarred himself…how many of these women have you fallen for?

9 years, 6 months ago

[…] o spend $10 (er, or should I say waste) on some book like The Rules? DC Bachelor wrote in ?Why You Get Pumped And Dumped? about how often we (the young female species) w […]

psychmajor
9 years, 6 months ago

Interesting comments.

But there is a more fundamental explanation of the “pump and dump” phenomenon that you’ve overlooked. It applies to both genders, and to those of every age and nationality. Such behaviors can be based on a defective or disordered orientation toward others acquired in childhood.

When a child’s relationship with parents, or other authority figure, is corrupted, he or she responds to such shattering experience with a compensatory defense mechanism that is manifested in two ways. First, the grown child may become preoccupied with matters of appearance or grooming that intends to project the semblance that all is as balanced within as without.

Second, he or she learns to separate sex from love. And this is the most profound damage ever done to them by abdicating or abusive parents. Because of the child’s damaging formative experiences, he or she is reluctant, perhaps unwittingly so, to ever place complete trust in another again.

Here is the insidious aspect. As they develop, such persons often impose a template of defensive behavior on new relationships that do not pose them any threat. Those afflicted thus manifest distancing behaviors toward their newfound romantic partners, who are left baffled and disappointed, thinking that they themselves are somehow to blame. They are not.

And thus proceeds a danse macabre whereby the afflcited and their partners act toward one another less with free will than in accord to textbook symptoms. Relationships fail; they try again. The cycle repeats itself, until the inability to trust becomes its own self-fulfilling prophecy.

In lucid moments, the afflicted perceive their own loneliness, but justify it, lamenting that “you simply cannot find everything in one other person.” Such reasoning aims to excuse their tendency to objectify others sexually, but is actually the proof positive of their own internal rift.

Those who suffer such disorders are often highly intelligent and very gifted individuals. Thus, so is their disorder in masking itself. Witness the account of “The Washingtonienne” as a tour de force example of this syndrome, and have some sympathy. For all their glibness, it is not a happy life that they lead.

truth
9 years, 5 months ago

I have one comment to anonymous.you say girl’s deteriorate more so than men making them less sucessfull. Not below the waist. You should think about that before it’s to late, while your playing the “game.” No women or man really want’s to play with mush if they don’t already love you. No,in love with you.

slickvguy
9 years, 5 months ago

Psychmajor,

If by some strange chance you ever read this thread agin, could you please e-mail me? I wanted to discuss (privately) something you wrote about. I would appreciate it. Thanks.

slickvguy
9 years, 5 months ago

(Oops. I thought the e-mail addy would be posted)
It’s [email protected]

Frederf
9 years, 4 months ago

I know I just called DCB ignorant in the last thread I replied to; it’s because his view was deemed completely whacko.

Anyway, I completely agree with his original post. As a male, I don’t want to deal with a bureaucracy or some twisted logic puzzle. I want to enjoy a genuine human romantic interaction with you. Men have their own bureaucracy too, and they’re both dumb. Men don’t understand women because they live in their own world they create. An alternate reality.

The truth is of course, nobody plays the game, the game plays you. The more successful a player you are (male or female) the more the game has you.

Gee he has a dog and friends count on him and is from a close family… he must be a nice person. Why look for clues like it’s CSI? Just look to see how the person makes you feel.

goodfemale
9 years, 4 months ago

You summed up my last roommate….however, in her defense, she got over this type of behavior in a year and now she’s finally settled down. And only 24 years old. There’s hope.

AJ
9 years, 4 months ago

I’ve only read two posts, so I’m not exactly pulling from much context, but half the people who post need to understand the difference between arguing and debating, and when which is appropriate. Don’t argue on a blog, that gets you no where and it makes people angry; try debating. Work toward a synthesis of ideas; being abrasive is ignorant and it doesn’t help anyone who reads these posts.

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john
8 years, 11 months ago

well written and very true. Tv and pop culture, womens lib, The Book “The Rules”, Ophra Winfrey and other factors have made women act and undo positive relationships with men that can make a difference. American Women generally want a strong bread winner type of man, but even with that relationships of today have that short fuse that is normally 7 in 10 times lit by the woman, not the man to make the relationship..casual or exclusive go down the tubes. Keep in mind one area not discussed that men must look into…is the level of new age mumbo the woman is into, generally the least is the best..ie..yoga, kabballah… the more they are into these practices… the less focused they will be to apply the sprituality and any of the learning to their existing man they have. They normally use it in attracting another suitor over time. Todays woman is good either for a one nighter a weekender, and normally last in anything committed for under 2 yrs.

Serge
8 years, 7 months ago

Interesting discussion. Guys/Girls you can’t classify women or man with one paragraph. One will get dumped for being too nice, another for being a bitch. You have to find the right person who likes you for the way you are. All girls/guys like to play games but when things get serious than you really see the truth.

==== It all starts with the game ====

Anonymous
8 years, 5 months ago

If you want to find the name of this disorder, do research on narcissistic personality disorder or shy narcissistic personality disorder. This sounds like my life. I am the guy who married this woman. Someone who is incapable of ever being happy, and the only thing that makes her feel good is when she spends money, and who knows what else she is up to. What are you going to do though when you have kids. You are trapped. The only reason I won’t leave her is because this would be detrimental to my kids. I have to make this sacrifice for my kids.

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7 years, 6 months ago

Wow… this was a great post to read! im only 16 and have just been pumped and dumped and was searching for something to try to fix my problem or some help on how to avoid it and i happened to find you page and it helped out alot! thanks!

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