WHY YOU GET PUMPED AND DUMPED

It seems that girls have rules for every dating act there is: how to speak to a man, show interest, accept dating offers, show affection, put out, etc. How did it get to this point? I believe many American women have a hard time acting genuine around men because they have modified their personalities with behavior they see in celebrities and television, and things they’ve read in pop psychology and relationship books, which combined is a powerful cultural force that your typical American girl can not ignore.

At some point in an American girls life, usually late in college or immediately after, there is one guy who demolishes her heart. He stomps on it while she watches, right before he starts making out with another girl. She liked him a lot but he didn’t reciprocate for whatever reason. Her friends – who have most likely never had a meaningful relationship in their lives – start giving her “advice” on how to hook guys in the future. Don’t seem desperate. Show less interest. Don’t call back right away. Don’t put out until the eighth date. She takes this advice seriously, and supplements it with The Rules readings and Sex and the City viewing marathons. She ends up worshipping a show that features old women who are absolute failures at having a fulfilling relationship, but who have the ever-so-useful skill of analyzing every minute behavior that a guy could possibly do.

Instead of accepting that rejection is a part of life – where you will get burned repeatedly – and forging ahead with a natural attitude, the American girl overcompensates and incorporates a ridiculous game that is just an elaborate defense mechanism against getting hurt. She turns herself from a vulnerable, real woman into a cold, aloof spinster who no guy could possibly take seriously. There is no reversing the corruption of the American female after this brainwashing, and she will forever be tainted in the eyes of an honest, genuine man.

The same man who would have found her normal self to be quite charming and relationship-worthy is extremely disturbed that this pretty girl plays the game so hard. Because there is no guy out there who wants to settle down with a girl who is usually “busy”, detached, and so easily influenced by fictional TV shows, he puts up with her cold gaming long enough to get that notch on his bedpost. How amusingly ironic that a girl who is scared of getting pumped and dumped takes on a game and attitude that causes guys to pump and dump her even more. It may take a lifetime for her to understand that most men simply want a cute girl who treats him well.

The American girl blazes through her 20’s spending all her money on clothes and alcohol, meeting guys at happy hours and bump n’ grind nights at the club. Each year her game gets “better” until the point where she can date multiple guys at once while being completely unhappy at the same time. Her 30’s arrive and the nagging from her mother to find a man can no longer be ignored. During the ensuing panic her guard lowers enough to deceive a desperate guy that she will actually make a good wife. The guy makes the biggest mistake of his life by marrying damaged goods, saying hello to a miserable suburban existence with a woman who is incapable of happiness, while saying goodbye to oral sex forever.

100 thoughts on “WHY YOU GET PUMPED AND DUMPED

  1. nabeel

    good post… very astute observation of cultural and societal forces, which are very powerful and sometimes unfair indeed

  2. Guest

    “How amusingly ironic that a girl who is scared of getting pumped and dumped takes on a game and attitude that causes guys to pump and dump her even more. It may take a lifetime for her to understand that most men simply want a cute girl who treats him well.”

    Brilliant.

  3. sara

    “and supplements it with The Rules readings and Sex and the City viewing marathons”

    OK dcb. you’re just going to have to watch some satc because the only woman who really plays by rules is Charlotte. The rest of them talk a lot about relationships and are confused by them, but the go along with how their (characters’) personalities are. Not by playing some game. And as for the way they analyze guys, well, women would do that anyway. We analyzed guys way before that show even came on.

    And just because a girl has been sucked into game playing in the past does not mean she is permanently “brainwashed” into a gameplaying “spinster”. Sometimes girls realize how ridiculous games are and stop playing them.

    And are you saying, dcb, that you don’t play games? You’ve never acted in a different way than you normally would to impress a girl or to try to make her want you? Because, at some point, by this age, everyone’s been involved in some type of game playing – and it’s certainly not just women.

    So I agree that women who just play these games and aren’t themselves are really missing out on real relationships, but guys do it just as much. Believe me, I know.

  4. Anonymous

    As long as shows like Sex and the City and Desperate Housewives are the top-rated shows in America, guys will have a problem. This is a horrible time to look for a serious girlfriend. All the females in this DC area (and on this blog network) think they are Carrie Bradshaw. Give me a freakin’ break. Quit with the games. Guys dump you because they get tired of the B.S. Take heed.

  5. holiday

    I think there’s a lot of truth to what you’ve said, but what is the solution. Don’t get your heart broken in the first place?

  6. CrazyGirl

    I would like to say that it’s not only American girls that are like this. It’s girls in general. I have friends from Canada, Italy, Belgium, England, and Ireland(all natives to these countries), and they are the same way.

    I disagree with you targeting just the American girl in this post. American men play these games and follow these assinine rules just like the girls do.

    American

  7. CrazyGirl

    Shit. I didn’t mean to hit submit just yet.

    American women have a hard time acting genuine around men
    This applies to men as well. IMO, I think it’s more common for a woman to be attracted to a man based upon his personality than it is for her to be attracted physically. Sure physical attraction is big……but if I guy starts a conversation with a gal at a bar and he’s funny, witty, sweet, charming, he has a chance with her.

    If an ugly girl approaches a guy, he probably won’t be as likely to give her the time of day.

    So I believe men have to overcompensate and put on an act of sorts to even get a girls attention, which means it probably isn’t genuine.

    The American girl blazes through her 20?s spending all her money on clothes and alcohol, meeting guys at happy hours and bump n? grind nights at the club

    Like the American guy doesn’t blaze through his 20’s spending all his money on alcohol, video games, and other things that boys find to be necessities in life, AND they meet girls happy hours and bump n’grind nights at clubs. Come on now. THIS just happens to be the American way of life if you’re in your 20s. It’s not just a girl thing.

    Each year her game gets ?better? until the point where she can date multiple guys at once while being completely unhappy at the same time

    Each year, a guys game gets “better” until the point where HE can date multiple girls at once. While he might be happy putting it to 3 girls at once, he’ll get a reputaion when he finally gets caught. And you all get caught with that because for the most part, men aren’t real good at covering their tracks. Or women are just real good at the detective thing.

    Her 30?s arrive and the nagging from her mother to find a man can no longer be ignored. During the ensuing panic her guard lowers enough to deceive a desperate guy that she will actually make a good wife. The guy makes the biggest mistake of his life by marrying damaged goods, saying hello to a miserable suburban existence with a woman who is incapable of happiness, while saying goodbye to oral sex forever.

    Similar can be said for the guy. He gets to a point where he really feels that it’s time to spread his seed. Being that it’s more socially acceptable to take a wife and THEN make the babies, he begins his search for a gal who will make a good wife. Blahblahblah all that shit above happens. Marriage occurs…..babies happen……then he realizes he wants some hot 23 year old piece of ass instead.

    I will gladly share the blame for these miserable relationships with the male gender, but I think it’s unfair to try and put it all on women. It works both ways with all this game played bullshit.

  8. Anonymous

    You forgot to mention that it isn’t just the “fucking and chucking,” but also the fact that for girls, looks deteriorate with age (more so than with men IMO), thus making them less likely to be able to play the “game” with any amount of success.

  9. nabeel

    I wouldn’t be so quick to blame the TV shows like desperate housewives and sex in the city. I mean, it’s almost like watching a violent movie such as lethal weapon, and then going out the door and buying guns and dynamite and doing those violent acts. While we have some crime around here, I would say that 95% of us are not influenced by TV like that. And I would go out on a limb to say that I don’t think that 95% of us men or women are influenced by those entertaining shows like housewives and sex in the city.

  10. The Senator

    Well DCB I think that if you treat a woman the right way by treating her with respect and love you will see an new side. This is all women want from man and a true gentleman would do this. I on the other hand would treat her like a dirty whore and try to penetrate every hole I can such as the ears, nose, mouth, and especially the anus.

  11. Anonymous

    Senator

    In the end you are correct. But there is a long time period (from the start of college until the late 20’s) when girls go from Alpha-male to Alpha-male trying desperately to “change” him, only to find out that there are half a dozen other women (usually very good looking women if the guy is a “catch”) waiting to have a “chance.” They get screwed over again and again, and eventually, they will go for a guy that makes them happy. The girl I’m dating now, sadly, seems to be one that has been “fucked and chucked” a few times. The hooking up is great and I really like her, but should I really put myself on the line (as in time money and other resources) for someone that is a serial dater and I’m just another guy?

  12. CrazyGirl

    Oh, I forgot about the entertainment influence. I seem to recall there being quite a jump in boys acting like they were these pimpin playboys back when a certain movie called Swingers became popular in the late 90s.

  13. The Senator

    Well the media protrays women very badly. Women are oppresed by their mail counterparts and its a darn shame. What I belive is to correct this. How you might ask; men should make degrading sex tapes with the women they are with when they can. Then they should show their friends as this is a way got gentlemen to bond.

  14. RCR

    You know, posting under someone else’s name is an exceedingly pussy thing to do. I mean, you’d have to big a *huge* douche bag to do that. I’m just throwing that out there.

  15. The Senator

    DCB..this is the real me.

    I am no longer commenting on your site. (For the readers out there, I have not been making those comments. There is no real way to make you believe that this is the real me, but it is.)

    DCB, I just emailed you. I hope we can clear this up.

    Thanks…

  16. Aja

    DCB, my guess is that you will not ask for the Sex in the City dvd set for the holidays.

    Women armor themselves. Men pace themselves.

  17. Doug

    Sage words. These Self Imposed “Rules” girls seem to be obsessed with continually backfire.

    Any girl who pulls that hard-to- get bullshit with me on a first date forces me to lose interest immediately because it either indicates A), she’s a prude who’s terrible in bed, or B), she’s already looking too far into the future towards a long-term relationship. Horrible. Horrible. http://www.dougdaniels.net/blog.html

  18. The Milkman

    DCB,

    You are entirely correct on nearly all points, and I appreciate the time you put into the post–it is well written and virtually air tight.

    On that note, I notice that many of the people who have commented against your article do not fully understand what I would call the rules of argument engagement. For example, to someone who can only reply to your post by asserting that men do the same thing, I would say this, “The issue at hand is not what men do; it is what women do. Pointing the finger back doesn’t qualify as a legitimate arguing technique.”

    However, I will also say this: the reasons you give are all true, but they are not the core of what’s going on. I have dumped several women because they do exactly what you’ve just described, as well as some far more vile forms of gaming. At the same time the most fundamental reason I left the relationship was simply that I realized that I wasn’t in love with the woman and I couldn’t see myself falling in love with her.

    This can happen to men and women as soon as the next morning when a sober view of things takes hold and as later as 10 years into a marriage.

    So, I would say that the reason everything you say is correct is because it’s impossible to fall in love and stay in love with someone who doesn’t exist or someone who has reinvented themselves in a very shallow way. When a woman acts as though she’s someone she’s not to “get” a man, she has fundamentally doomed herself. When a woman adopts a shallow material/how-do-I-look veneer, she is playing a character that doesn’t allow a man to see her true beauty.

  19. Chase

    DCB…I have said it once and I will say it again. I do not believe that you like women very much. I think your comments about women are exaggerated and often times mean. Women are much more complex than how you describe us…not to mention smarter. Yes, some women play games but not all of us. You are obviously attracting these women because you too have issues with yourself.
    And as far as the whole “american women” thing..if you don’t like us…pack it up and go. I seriously doubt that many women will miss you.

  20. James

    This is one of the best things I’ve read in a while. Very well done.

    As always, you can ignore most of what women say, since they constantly say one thing and do the opposite of it.

    And what’s with all the Senator bashing? If you disagree with him, that’s cool. But leaving lame comments while pretending to be him? How old are you? 11? 12?

  21. The Milkman

    Yeah, what would Jesus say about the Iraq war? what would Jesus say about a lot of things? I hope that was sarcastic and not coming from some b.s. conservative with absolutely no ability to make an educated guess about what Jesus would say. There’s nothing more insulting to the ideas of Jesus than heartless bullshit Republicans asking what Jesus would say.

    Sorry for the random rant. But I hate that question.

  22. Elvis

    When I first read this, I thought, “yah, he’s got a point.” Then I thought of my sister, who is decidedly very “American”, after all… that’s what she is by definition, and said “Nah…” Some of it is good, but it’s too broad. And if it is, then… ah, I may be partly to blame. For example, my sister calls me from college and says some bf was a jerk. I tell he, “don’t you take shit from nobody, especially Joe Cool. Cowgirl up.” And when she asked me in high school about dating, I’d say, “guys are like fourth and two at the goal-line — do you want to settle for a field goal or ‘go for it’ for a TD?” The answer was always the same — “go for it.” She’s spending her twenties spending her money cause… she can. She asked Elvis to check her resume and give her interview tips cause I used to be on hiring committee’s (and how to negotiate killer salary). Point is, there are American women out there who wonder why they get pumped and dumped, but then there are also women out there who know the “Run and Gun” (and their husbands love it cause they can watch college football and yell things like, “Don’t be a pussy and run that spread offense shit!!!!”).

  23. hanky

    Ok

    I will clear everything up for everyone

    you have to understand the biological aspect of all this nonsense first

    most animals only have 10 cranial nerves…which means they have simple reflex behaviors and have very basic behaviors when it comes to eating, living, and ESPECIALLY mating

    Mammals, more specifically humans, have 12 cranial nerves. The extra 2 cranial nerves allow for more complex mating behavior, courtship, etc.

    So right off the bat, you have to expect the whole “dating game” to be a very complex, layered practice.

    Secondly, yes, hundreds of years ago the mating game was quite simple in america…a guy would court a girl and then marry her and produce babies.
    However we live in the 21st century where we are bombarded everywhere with sex, drugs, rock and roll, and with the creation of protection (ie condoms), the very idea of sex became a recreationary idea.

    Thus, when sex became a recreationary sport, the whole concept of dating/monogamy became tainted.

    DCB noted the irony of how a woman wants to avoid being pumped and dumped but ends up like that anyway
    heres the other irony…the feminist movement was meant to liberate women and by using birth control they were able to also control their bodies and use sex as power, but the irony is that they have inherently damaged not only the dating ritual but also themselves………..now they have to create facades, act unlike themselves, and ultimately hide their true intentions in fear of being heartbroken…………as if they’re afraid of being hurt for the 1,001st time

  24. V

    I am a little confused at Hanky. Are you equating birth control with females losing control and themselves? I mean I think it’s cute that you read some genetics books, but let’s not overreach here.

    Gender generalizations are absurd–though fun to fight about. I agree with previous posts in that we are all fucked up in the same ways penis or pussy. DCB/lots of dudes just hold women to a more critical standard because his jollies/the one or whatever are involved.

    And, we all hate to be hurt. Call it games, call it protecting yourself, call it a fa?ade?whatever. When we find someone that hurt is worth the risk for what we find if we stop playing games, then it?s our risk/reward. If not, it?s just as lonely as always. No matter if you?re chick or with dick.

    Interesting post though.

  25. Andy

    The game is a relatively new fad. Only in the past century have we moved from an arranged marriage situation where a girl is just property, to that of being able to chose who we want to marry.

    It is ignorant to say that it’s based on the fact that we have more “cranial nerves” than other species.

    There is something to say about having a good personality. You won’t succeed without it. But if it’s all a farse, you will fail equally, yet wonder why.

  26. Liz

    feared? now why in the hell would you fear?

    omg teh 1nt3rn3tz h8s /\/\3!!!

    my god today is boring. i think i’ll post on the buzzboard some more.

  27. The Senator

    dcb its me,
    Did you happen to find out who is using my moniker yet. I cant seem to figure that out or why I enjoy getting penetrated in my rectum. I appreciate your consideration in this matter. Look forward to hearing from you soon.

  28. CPMC

    Hey DCB this is the CMPC Crew and this is getting out of hand now. Whoever is using the Senators moniker PLEASE STOP!! or you will give you the thrashing of your life when we find out who you are!! We don’t want the truth about the Senator being gay Leaking out. We all like having our gay orgies and being penetrated in the a hole in deep secret. It will ruin our gentlemen image. Toushae.

  29. The Milkman

    I have polled over two-hundred thousand people in the last 12 minutes, and they all concur that the Senator is not gay. This study possesses a 2-4% margin of error.

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