THE WORST ADVICE IMAGINABLE

I don’t like calling out people but I gotta call out CPMC contributor El Greco. He is an idiot who wins the prize for “Most likely to be the emotional tampon.” Follow his writing if you want to learn how to give your manhood to a woman you barely know.

“But wait, if you read the comments you’ll see that a lot of people agree with him.”

Yeah, females and guys who are still holding out for their soul mate. OF COURSE a girl is going to commend a guy for advocating a gentlemanly approach to dating. OF COURSE she’ll agree when a guy says men should go out of their way to please a woman. But at the end of the night she’s going to be fucking that idiot in the corner who gave her no attention and hit on that blonde bimbo for half the night. El Greco is the chump who works hard for it when his date has given it up so easily in the past.

Let’s take a look at some of the advice he’s written…

On inviting her over: “It takes planning and thought. You aren?t inviting the guys over for poker and cigars. Momentous issues hang in the balance. You?re on stage, pal. This is no time to screw it up. Is that enough pressure?”

I never thought a guy would view a date like planning for a shuttle trip to the moon. You think the girl really cares about what’s in your house? The most action I ever got in my life was when I had a file cabinet as a night stand… A FILE CABINET.

On first impressions: “Women can see dirt that is invisible to men, don?t ask me how, just take my word for it. You don?t want to flunk in the first 60 seconds of the evening.”

What a shame that a grown man feels so insecure in the presence of a woman. Hey buddy, she doesn’t care. Even if she says she does, she’s just talking nonsense and doesn’t know what she really wants.

On playing music for her: “You should have music playing on your stereo?something light and hip?jazz, Jack Johnson, or Sinatra.”

Nothing like Ol’ Blue Eyes to get a girl wet. Is the average CPMC reader 25 or 65?

On table manners: “No elbows on the table. No picking at your teeth. Etc. If you are not up to snuff with table manners, either learn them real quick or better yet, send your lovely dinner guest over to my place.”

The girl I’m trying to get drunk across my dining room table does not care if I put my elbow on the table. Sure I got flaws, but I’ll let a woman tell me to fix my table manners when she works on her issues first. For instance, I don’t really like it when you give me fungal rashes.

On getting a drink: “When the bartender serves your drinks, hand the lady her drink if it is close to you. Look her in the eyes and clink your glass to hers. Say ?Cheers,? or ?Great to see you again.? If she is wearing something fashionable, her hair looks great, or she has some cool shoes, then compliment her.”

What lame advice. Did you get that from an old James Bond movie?

On getting her another drink: “Notice when her glass is getting low before it is empty. Say nothing, but casually gesture to the bartender, lightly touching the side of her glass.”

Then watch the happy look on her face when she calculates how many more free drinks she will get out of you.

On checking out other girls: “There are often other women in the bar. Some of them are looking pretty good. Whatever you do, don?t get caught checking out other babes. Fight the urge to look. If you have to look, be ultra discreet. This has been many a guy?s downfall.”

You impress no one by fighting the urge. In fact, you appear whipped and weak, ready to shutdown your horny instinct because one girl agreed to go out on a date with you. If there is a beautiful woman in front of me you better believe I’m going to look, no matter who I’m with. And I expect women to do the same (cause they do).

On conversation: “You have two ears and one mouth?so listen twice as much as you speak.”

Generic advice you find in any self-help book.

If you do the opposite of what this “lady’s man” says, you will get more women then you can possibly handle. Maybe one day he will realize that all the bullshit he learned from the movies and his mother isn’t what women really care about, and that he is overcompensating because he believes a woman won’t like him for who he really is. Who would have thought that the lame “be yourself” advice I’ve been hearing all my life is actually the way.

CPMC members: don’t let this “gentleman” bring your page down any further. He’s awful.

74 thoughts on “THE WORST ADVICE IMAGINABLE

  1. Eugenius

    theres a difference in being sincerly treated nicely and being a pawn in a game. i hate fake men and their idiot hair and thier idiot clean bathrooms. i hate men who think they are slick. i hate men who categorize women between quality and sluts. whats wrong with having a wife who fucks like a porn star?

    Comment by jessa j on 06/23/05.

    …………I love this girl…..:-)

  2. Eugenius

    naaaaaaah no i dont like dirty bathrooms, but “a wife who fucks like a pornstar” is nice.

  3. nabeel

    hey eugenius…. let the girl who hates “idiot clean bathrooms” answer the question :o)

  4. James

    Wow, call a girl catty and they go nuts. Even though they are. For the record, I wasn’t trying to pick on anyone specifically; it’s a general female trait. Though some took great offense by it… :banana:

    Nothing like some ol’ fashioned hating. Makes the comments go up and up.

    As for the original advice, it’s bullshit. No offense to El Greco, but it focuses on how to “impress” a girl. There is a significant difference between trying to impress and making an impression. It’s the same difference between faking your way through something and actually knowing what you’re doing.

  5. nabeel

    agreed with James. for example, if a girl graduated from college or got a new job or whatever, there’s nothing wrong with raising a glass and saying “cheers”

  6. jessa j

    a bathroom is not going to be the determining factor of anything…clean or dirty.

    (unless, of course we plan on fucking on the floor in there – then a quick sweep of pubic hair is acceptable but totally unecessary.)

    ugh, back on the “cheers” tip again gentlemen?

  7. nabeel

    jessa, explain something to me. how exactly is saying “cheers” to celebrate an occasion, like the ones I mentioned, being insincere and fake? this is a serious question…

  8. jessa j

    ?When the bartender serves your drinks, hand the lady her drink if it is close to you. Look her in the eyes and clink your glass to hers….”

    Just sounds like some facacta bullshit line to me, if this is a first date and you don’t even know the girl, its corny to toast to her “looking fasionable”

    I’m sure in many cases it can be sincere but when I read:

    “Look her in the eyes and clink your glass to hers. Say ?Cheers,? or ?Great to see you again…if she is wearing something fashionable, her hair looks great, or she has some cool shoes…?

    I picture the most unsavory and dreadful of characters I can imagine trying to weasle his way into a hand job in the bar bathroom.

  9. nabeel

    ok, I can see how clicking glasses for no apparent reason can come off as cheesy, even if no insincerity was intended. however, I wouldn’t be so quick to label anyone who does this as characters having ulterior motives.

  10. DCB Post author

    “I am curious about how he would go about making dinner for a woman (or even if he would) and that is why I tossed out that challenge above.”

    I think I did a good job of opening the challenge, crushing your supplication beliefs, and then closing the challenge… all at the same time.

  11. el Greco

    Like I said, DCB, you do it your way and I’ll do it mine. If you need to say you won this debate, great, you won. If you need to contest it further, I’m kinda done with your silliness.

  12. Anonymous

    differences of opinions – not worthy stuff of the war that seems to be going on in my opinion

  13. Anonymous

    Just reading this post weeks later. Whoever anonymous is who wrote the post “desparation to be accepted as another generic rung on DC?s vapid social ladder” is dead on. The CPMC’s wannabe Senator happens to be a self-absorbed jerk who has a track record of cheating on girlfriends and lying, amongst others. The fact that he dares write a blog about the proper way to treat women is wrong. It is all an image he is attempting to portray so he can achieve some sort of following to make himself feel better.
    The CPMC is a fascade for a sexism and elitism.

  14. omgaw

    A woman out of the kitchen!? How can this be!? I have traveled many lands and I’ve never seen a woman out of the kitchen… DISGUSTING..

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