The Daily Show recently took on Myspace. It’s a big video so hit play, pause it, and then go do something while it downloads:
P.S. I deleted my Myspace account. Try to keep tabs on me now, ex from four years ago!
In the comment section of that post I wrote:
she’s the girl that is good in bed but you’re embarrassed to introduce to your friends
Less than an hour later, an “Anonymous” hater comes in:
It’s kinda like dating a DJ. It’s cool at parties and the free entrance to clubs is nice…but you’re embarrassed to tell your friends and colleagues.
I read this and figured it for a girl I didn’t know, because the person assumes I actually get gigs. I respond with maximum hateration:
It’s kinda like dating a vapid socialite wannabe. All you gotta do to keep getting sex is hold her hand into lame parties that anyone with decent looks can schmooze their way into.
I didn’t expect a response because when I turn the hateration up to the max, there is not much you can come back with, except with something lame. It came:
You know what’s sadder than a “vapid socialite wannabe,” DCB?
The lame ex-boyfriend who can’t stop stalking her.
Yup. If she’s so lame and vapid, then pack it up, move it out, and go post something on your less popular, less entertaining, less funny site.
There is a lot of development in Rockville, Maryland where I work. Almost every month a new office building or condominium project pops up, squeezing the native geese population out of their natural habitat. Personally I hate geese; their huge green droppings are everywhere and you have to walk with your head down like you have a self-esteem problem.
I was walking to the 7-11 near my job yesterday for a taquito snack when I hear a woman screaming. I look about 100 feet away and see this goose flying right at her. I felt like I should help her but I was stunned that this bird was trying to take out a human… and winning! Four other guys join me in the viewing and we just stood there, watching in amazement. She fell on her ass and the goose kept trying to go for her face. Eventually the goose gave up. One guy said, “It’s cause she’s wearing black. Geese don’t like black.”
To make up for not helping, I yell out, “Are you okay?” She was okay.
Then she walks to us and says, “Do you know who I can call about that?”
Yeah, a self-defense class. I would have grabbed its neck and swung it around Petey Pablo style, like a helicopter.
I love April Fools. I blame my mother, who taught me from an early age that fooling people is an enjoyable experience. The only other holiday that competes with it is Halloween, and that’s only because girls go out looking like sluts.
This year’s fooled:
– Some of you, who thought I got fired for blogging (got two phone calls and several IM’s).
– Eugenius, who thought I had herpes. “Whoa, so what are you going to do?”
– Vodka Boy, who thought I had herpes AND warts. “Oh… don’t worry about it man.”
– My sister and mother, who both thought I got let go from work because of layoffs. “Oh my god I’m so sorry.” My mother gave me props for fooling her so well… a symbolic passing of the torch from mentor to protege.
The fired-for-blogging April fool doesn’t come close to last year’s fool, where I convinced a lot people that I’m settling down for this girl:
Conan has a lever on his show that plays a ridiculous clip from Walker Texas Ranger when it’s pulled. In one scene Walker tastes soil and declares, “A plane crashed here.” :laugh:
I remember when Conan first premiered on late-night television in 1994. I was a freshman in high school and wasn’t allowed to stay up late enough to watch him, but I do remember hearing a vicious review of him on the radio. Over ten years later and he’s slated to replace Leno on Late Night. I expect nothing less from a Simpsons writer who worked on the show when it was actually funny.