For years I had a clean-shaven face and short hair greased with pomade. I did fine with that look but my generic appearance attracted generic girls: the vanilla white girl who graduated from a four year university to push papers in a cubicle. I got bored with them, and they probably got bored with me.
When I grew my hair out, I noticed that I would attract a different type of girl. The quantity didn’t change, but now I was spending time with art snobs, hippies, international girls, and emotional crazies. They are the type that tend to eat foods I can’t pronounce and hate either capitalism or American foreign policy. Conversation flows a little better now.
Looking like you just came out of the woods works because not every girl likes clean-shaven guys with short hair. Some girls like medium length hair, and some like long hair. The farther your look is from the mainstream, the less girls there will be to like it, but the ones that do like your look will like it with passion. And passion is important when it comes to sex.
Therefore, I’ve decided to lock up the bear-hunter look with long hair and a dangerous beard. If a girl likes this look then she doesn’t have a whole lot of options in the area: at my height there are only five guys in DC that look like bear-hunters but none of them have any game. So really I’m the only option. That means easy sex for me without ever having to wear a buttoned shirt with blue horizontal stripes.
I’m going to go buy a few boxes of condoms now to prepare for the winter.
Next time you are near two girls, pay attention to their loud conversation for one minute. Nine times out of ten they are talking about guys, analyzing every minutiae of every encounter and every conversation. Instead of looking at the big picture between men and women and doing something useful with it (like entertaining thousands of people through a blog), girls just zero in on some stupid situation and beat it to death, asking their very inexperienced friends for advice on how to live life.
I could care less what girls talk about, but when I’m sitting in the bookstore reading The 33 Strategies of War, the last thing I need is to hear how Chad didn’t call you when he said he would, or how Thaddeus got you a non-romantic gift for your birthday. The only time sitting next to two girls in a bookstore or coffeeshop is tolerable is when they are speaking a foreign language.
Guys sometimes talk about girls to brag or discuss tactics. :hump:
Girls always talk about guys to analyze, whine, complain, cry, and seek validation. :boring:
When you’re young, everyone tells you not to settle down right away, and to date around, and “have fun”. People who are older and married (usually your family) will tell you this because they are wistful that they got married at 21 and have now been divorced at least once because they really, probably, weren’t ready to get married at that age. They think everyone should stay single until the age of 30. On the other side of the coin, older women who have never been married (it’s always women) – the “spinster” – who is still single and repellent to men will tell you to “have fun” not realizing that everyone laughs at her behind her back for still acting like she is 23 and prowling on younger men.
But the problem is that one day in the not-so-distant future, if you continue on this fun-having trajectory, you will wake up 35 and unmarried, still “having fun” but probably with several missed chances at love and maybe marriage because you “didn’t want to be tied down” or you “weren’t ready”. But at 35, you won’t be nearly as pretty or cute, and you’ll be reduced to dating sleazy 65 year old men with two marriages under their belt. When is anyone ever ready for anything? It’s best to keep your sails clean, so to speak, and be prepared.
Really, I don’t understand why people emphasize the need to “have fun” so much. You know what I think is fun? Drinking bloody marys and eating Haagen Dazs ice cream all day and watching “Pride and Prejudice” on repeat. But you know why I don’t do that? Because I have to work, and because having that kind of fun will probably make me fat and sick and be completely unproductive. It’s an excellent analogy for what “having fun” in the dating world will get you.
Men are able to use both personality and status to get women. The personality man uses words, attitude, and body language. The status man uses clothing, job title, and cars. It’s easy to imagine a line with personality on one end and status on the other, where a majority of men fit somewhere in between.
I use about 85% personality because it is the best way for me to attract the kind of girl that I like. I dress in simple, dated clothing. I drive an old, practical car. I don’t put too much time into my appearance. I am reluctant to talk about my job. I am slow to reveal interesting things I do that may impress women. My game highlights my humor and energy instead of my material possessions. It pays off: I date girls who are low-maintenance, laid-back, creative, and spontaneous.
My job title used to be a humble one. It said I’m neither poor nor rich. Because I don’t attract girls who are looking for status, it was never a problem when I told these girls I need to watch my spending.
But now I have a new job title that is much more flashy. For the past two weeks I have a stronger answer to do the inevitable “What do you do” question. Girls now ask more about my job than they did before, maybe trying to piece together how much I really make. It completely changes the vibe of the encounter where my career achievement gets the spotlight instead of my sexy banter.
The worst thing a guy can do is use his money to attract a girl. Using status does get your foot in the door but it has two large drawbacks: (1) it prevents you from building a proper foundation to consistently get and keep girls, and (2) it attracts the wrong type of girl.
In The Prince, Machiavelli talks about the two ways to gain power: ability and good fortune. Princes who use ability have a hard time establishing their rule, but an easy time keeping it. Princes who rise through good fortune have an easy time establishing their rule, but a hard time holding on. Ability allows you to meet future challenges and adapt to the constantly changing environment, characteristics needed to successfully rule a nation.
Because […] he who has not first laid his foundations may be able with great ability to lay them afterwards, but they will be laid with trouble to the architect and danger to the building.
When you get girls through money, you are using good fortune. You will land some easy bait, but you have used a lure that many other men have. Not only is your hold on the woman tenuous, but your ability to get other women depends on external factors such as your bank account. What happens when the status man goes through a rough spot? His real power is weak, and he is under constant pressure to maintain the image of success even when his financial house is in disorder.
As a club veteran, I see the types of girls that give second looks to sharply dressed men in VIP booths. If you walk down the ghetto while waving hundred dollar bills in your hand, I doubt you will be surprised when someone robs you of it. Money attracts people who like money. Status attracts women who want this money; the shallow kind of woman that still has trouble searching for a deeper meaning in life besides collecting overpriced purses.
Using personality (“game”) to get women allows you to weather any storm. It doesn’t matter if you live with your parents, work at Starbucks, or dress in Old Navy clothing because as long as you have the ability to engage women emotionally and push those attraction buttons, almost any woman can be yours. Broke or not, the only thing that would stop you from meeting that hot girl in the dairy section of the supermarket is yourself, not your wallet.
I went back to telling girls my old job title. Modest, simple… just like the girl I want.
Every week I get really interested in one pop-culture/celebrity news item. This week, it’s Christie Brinkley’s philandering husband. Now, aside from the fact that his 19-year-old lover is a full-on hottie and probably DCB’s ideal girl, I started thinking about how good men are at compartmentalization.
Most women can’t just cheat on their partners and maintain a normal life besides. For a woman, cheating is rarely just about sex and more about love – how many women cheat and then want to stay in their marriage? But for men, the two are completely separate. Men like Bill Clinton can be gettin they freak on with chubby sluts during the day and still go home and act like husbands to their ball-buster wives at night. And it causes men considerably less mental stress to cheat than it does women, which explains how a guy like Brinkley’s husband can be sexing and obsessing about another vagina and his wife can have no idea. For the man, an affair need not be all-consuming; he can push it to a far corner of his brain whenever necessary. The ability to compartmentalize may well be a requisite for truly great men; just look at all the serial philanderers who’ve been able to separate their personal and professional lives to such a degree that their accomplishments outweigh their horrid record on relationships.
If you liken love to a war – a battlefield, even? no? – the example becomes clearer. Just like men are able to put feelings aside to kill others in the name of the cause, they’re able to forget about their lives as husbands in order to get some tail. This is something women will never understand.
One of the best ways to improve your game is to hone your powers of observation. After reading First Date DC and listening to hundreds, maybe thousands, of conversations about the opposite sex, I’m starting to believe that one of the biggest obstacles is simple self-absorption. People are simply too wrapped up in themselves to pay attention to what’s going on around them, and they’re missing a glance, a movement, or an interaction that could be key to understanding. They’re too much in their own head to make objective judgements.
Being a good observer is almost like being psychic because you can tell what people are thinking and what they’re going to do before they do it. Let me give you an example. Last week on the metro home from meeting the new intern, I was reading a magazine while waiting for the train. There was a man pacing the platform. I looked up from my mag once and noticed this, and then, even without looking up again, I knew he was checking me out. As soon as I got on the train, he sat in the seat next to me even though there were plenty of empties elsewhere. I kept reading but I could tell he was going to talk to me. I played along and shut the magazine and about 1.5 minutes later he struck up a conversation. Luckily, I was prepared.
What you have to do is learn to take it all in. One blogger who’s really good at this is Virgle Kent – his observation is so minute it actually makes me a little uncomfortable. Watch how people interact and always keep the corner of your eye open for what else is going on in the room. If you’re fixating on talking to your friend, you’re missing the hottie checking you out (and missing the chance to act on it). Too busy thinking about how the person you’re talking to is really ugly and you’ll miss an interesting moment a few feet away. This is where learning to shut up and watch is going to give you an unmistakable edge that allows you to not only anticipate the next few seconds, but actually plan for the minutes, hours, etc. ahead.
Everyone knows a girl who is a size queen. There is at least one in every social circle. I’ve had the privilege of meeting girls before they became size queens, giving me a raw look into their development.
At first, the size queen doesn’t realize she likes size. This is probably because she has been with men who are average. She has been satisfied in the bedroom and may even please herself with an extra big black dildo, but size is still not high up on what she wants from a man. Then she meets a guy who is big, whether it be girth or length, and she realizes that the extra size has its benefits. She likes the idea of working with something large – having “something big in my hands” – moreso than the extra sexual pleasure it may or may not bring. It’s mostly mental. It’s an emotional attachment similar to how people obsess over consumer products. For instance you may be a person who swears by a morning cup of coffee from Starbucks. It’s not necessarily the best coffee, but you have developed an unreasonable attachment to it for reasons which are ultimately minor, like convenience or consistency.
Once the size queen gets a taste of this large size, she hypes it up and discusses it with her friends. In a sort of groupthink, these girls come to the conclusion that bigger is better. Then the stereotyping begins. She looks at her big stud and tries to classify him to help her identify what other guys are big. Maybe he has big hands, a strong bone structure, or he comes from a specific background. If her stud was Ukrainian, she will start to think of Ukrainian guys a little bit differently. Her next hook-up may very well be a Ukrainian to see if her crude stereotype holds. It usually will not because her small sample size of one is not predictive.
The next step is inevitable. I have seen it several times with my own eyes. She will date a black guy for the first time. The stereotype that black guys are big is extremely powerful in this culture. I knew a girl in college who was obsessed with size. First she started dating tall guys and guys with odd features. Then she devised theories on how to tell size without touching. Many years after college word came back that she exclusively dates African men. Very large African man. She is just one example of many. It is after the black man that she knows once and for all if her obsession is real or fleeting. Most girls realize that their adventure with size was only short-term, something fun and exciting like riding one of those roller coasters that blasts you from 0 to 60 in 3 seconds. They revert and place things like cars and money back on their list of most desired qualities. But how about the other girls, the 20% that realize they need it big? Well, they need big for life.
P.S. I’m huge.