Category: Shirt Project



The hair slightly seperates from the head:


The Decision

It was between ‘My Future Wife,’ ‘A Diamond Adds 50 Pounds,’ and ‘Till Breadth Do Us Part.’ I imagined wearing the shirt with all three slogans, and eliminated the diamond one first. I decided to go with a self-deprecating angle: yeah my future wife will be thin, but how can I be so sure she will remain that way? Most men are doomed to the fate that this shirt depicts. I also wanted to give more of a teddy-bear vibe compared to Pump and Dump.

The Shirt

Cranberry-colored American Apparel t-shirt in medium (quantity: 6) or large (quantity: 5). These shirts shrink considerably after machine drying. For more sizing info, check out the write-up for Pump and Dump. Don’t iron the graphic.

Price and Shipping

$17.50 plus $4 shipping (anywhere in the U.S) at No additional shipping charge if you also buy Pump and Dump, which I’ve reduced to $15.00.


Once people catch the female bodies, they position themselves for a closer look. Most responses are meant with laughter and “That’s great/funny” comments. Thin girls are more likely to comment than fat ones. I was afraid that I needed to explain that it’s the same woman, but everyone seems to get it.

I feel more comfortable wearing this shirt in daytime than Pump and Dump, though I do feel bad if I’m at a store and the lady helping me is huge.


I’m currently working on the second shirt which I’d like to release early in July. Here is the shirt’s image:

(Ironically this was designed by a woman.)

I thought my caption of “Don’t Marry American” was a lock, but now I’m having doubts. I think I want it to be more an assault on marriage than just American women. Other ideas:

-Don’t Get Married
-Don’t Marry
-Get A Pre-Nup (Credit: Cookie)
-Save Money For Hookers
-Your Future Wife

They are all so good… I don’t know which one to pick. If you come up with something better and I use it, I’ll send you the first shirt for free.


Size Large

For the first shirt I decided to go with a statement that guides much of my existence. I wear this shirt with pride.

You can get one at


The shirts will shrink considerably (about an inch by both length and width) after a machine dry. If you get the shirt and you are satisfied with the size, do not put it in the dryer. Air dry it instead. Also, do not iron the lettering.

What size should I pick?

If you aren’t above 6 feet tall, I probably wouldn’t get Large because of the length. I’m 6’1 and I lean towards a size medium (undried) because it is more fitted, though slightly too fitted because I have big muscles. Medium is probably going to be the best bet for average sized guys. I can pull off a large after shrinking it through machine drying (strangely, the large shrunk down the most after its third drying, making it very similar to an undried medium). American Apparel may have updated their sizing, so their shirt sizing seems to be similar to Hanes or Fruit of the Loom. You can always exchange the shirt for a different size by sending it back. Returns are okay too.

Can I trust you with my credit card number?

All transactions are secure and your credit card info goes directly from the store to my credit card processor. I never see it. I have done test transactions with my own credit card and everything comes up kosher. Your statement will show “DCB STORE.” Paypal is also a payment option if you are paranoid.

How long will it take to get the shirt?

About a week from when you order (via USPS unless you choose UPS), but so you don’t hold that against me I will officially state two weeks. It will come in a poly mailer.

Why do I have to register?

Because of the software. I’m using Zen Cart and right now they do not allow the option of taking off registration. It had all the other features I needed so this was a compromise. As the privacy policy states, your info is kept private. Your credit card information is not stored.

Will you put this on womens cut shirts?

I’m thinking about it.

Will you print more if these sell out?

Most likely. I want to keep quantities low so I don’t have to maintain inventory.

What kind of reactions will I get from wearing this shirt?

In public places no one is going to say anything to you, but you will notice people looking. In bars or clubs people will do double takes and make comments. Most are in the vein of “Hah that’s funny/great.” Some people don’t even notice. Some girls say things like, “Oh I see.” I think it would be boring if you really tell people what the shirt means, so I just say that pump and dump refers to the stock market. I’m also going to try to say it’s about working out at the gym.

Will wearing this shirt increase or decrease my game?

That would be like asking, “Should I have long hair or short hair?” I’m confident I can wear a shirt that says “I’m gay” and still pull.

The first night I wore the shirt I spent a lot of time with a petite blond whose eye level was at the shirt’s text the entire time. The girls that want to bang won’t care what shirt you are wearing.

Can you ship to Canada or somewhere else?

Most likely. Email me and I will get you a quote.

More pics:

European male model (wearing size medium)

Store link:


I got the second shirt printing back late last week and they turned out much better. There is not much left to do except work out logistics and shipping.

-Pictures have been taken. Judy was glad to pose with the shirt on.
-I got my merchant account set up (to accept MasterCard/Visa). My shopping cart software allows me to accept Paypal as well.
-The shirt is going to cost $17.50 plus $4 USPS shipping. For a little bit more you can have it shipped via UPS. The initial batch will be about 30 shirts, split between medium, large, and xtra large.

As you may have already read, I wore the shirt out on Saturday for research purposes. I will eventually share the type of responses you’ll get when you wear the shirt.

Date they go on sale: Tuesday, May 23.



When I picked up the shirts from the printer on Friday, the sales guy told me, “Yeah the owner had a good laugh.” He earlier asked me what the text means and I didn’t feel comfortable giving him a straight answer.

I got home and realized this first printing of my entire initial stock of 36 shirts was a failure. At least 50% of the shirts have text that are not completely horizontal. While it’s not that bad and barely noticeable unless you focus on it, I can not sell something I know is inferior.

The printer has recognized the problem and offered to fix it, but it will take at least three more weeks. Assuming nothing else goes wrong, I predict a release date of May 29 at the latest. I don’t care how long it takes or much money goes down the drain, but I will get this right.


I got the new batch of shirts in and they are the correct size. I washed a test shirt, dried it, and measured it to be nearly identical to my other American Apparel shirts. They’re at the printers now and hopefully I will have them back to debut at the happy hour. In the meantime I’m working on getting a basic online store set up using Zen Cart.

Their storage location before getting sent out:

Don’t worry, the trash bag was clean.


I got my shipment of American Apparel shirts the other day. I opened the box and grabbed a size large shirt. It looked a little… big. I put it on and I felt like I was wearing a dress because the bottom of the shirt completely covered my crotchal area. Turns out I ordered the wrong shirt model. A 15% restocking fee and a new supplier later, I’m confident the right shirt is coming in.

In the meantime I’ve been looking at other shirts online and noticed a pattern. Examples:

There is also a version with an iron instead of a stove.

Basic formula: take a catch-phrase or funny saying and add a picture that plays on the words. They’re amusing and make you smile, but the impact wears out pretty quick (I remember when I got many requests to stop wearing Morning Wood). The last thing you want is to get labeled as a “funny t-shirt guy.”