I’m leaving tomorrow for a HOT trip overseas. No London, no snakes (hopefully), no major airlines, and no liquids. Unless you count bloody marys served on a plane, in which case, yes please!
I’ll be taking two weeks off but I expect to have some great stories for you. In the meantime, enjoy a pic of Dasha and Sally.
Wind machines are sexy. Just ask Michael Jackson.
I saw an amazing commercial yesterday at the gym. I was sitting in the lobby watching Fox News with dirty men; the kind who prefer not to cover up with towels. Reenactment:
Previous: The shower guy
The commercial starts when a hot woman pulls up to a drive-through dry cleaner. We catch a glimpse of some schlub in the car behind her who we are to assume she is attracted to. When she pays for her dry cleaning, she gives the elderly cashier extra money and tells her to pay for the guy’s shirts. “And give him this card too.” :whoa:
Then on the screen you see, “Bold takes initiative.”
Imagine how perfect the world would be if this really happened – if women would pay for a man without expecting or asking anything in return. The girl in this commercial is my dream girl, and for that reason she does not exist. There is no woman out there that is confident enough to pull a move like this. NONE. Shit, there are still women who are scared of kissing on the first date after a man drops money on dinner. There are still women who take months to get in bed, something that shows no boldness or initiative.
So while this commercial painfully reminds me of what I do not currently have, it also offers some hope: it gives me a dream to chase, a purpose in life. If this girl does exist, who better than me to find her?
(Turns out the commercial is for Ford, a car I will never buy in my life. You can watch it here.)
American Women Vs European Women has surpassed 200 comments today. It was written 11 months ago.
Say hi to the regulars: Scorpion, Eddy, slade, and Gary.
Breaking news: A whale has beached itself off the coast of Mexico.
Oh wait, it’s just Pierce Brosnon’s wife..
Hat tip to the banned reader who sent this in.
About six weeks ago I was overcome with a strong desire to own a blog-up doll. I went on ebay and bought Judy for $20. It has turned out to be the best 20 bucks I have ever spent.
Round 1: It’s Friday night and a friend is coming over to pre-drink. He walks in the house and finds my bedroom door is closed. He opens the door to witness me and Judy having dirty animal sex.
Round 2: I call my dad and tell him I would like to bring over a “lady-friend” to our Sunday dinner. I come in the house first and my stepmother rushes to clean up the mess on the floor… until she looks up and sees an inflatable doll. My 2-year-old brother cries. My dad calls me “weird.” My 19 year-old sister later catches Judy giving me head in the hallway.
Round 3: I call my mom and tell her I’m bringing over my new girlfriend. I arrive to find that she’s changed into nice clothes, put on make-up, and did her hair – all for Judy. “What kind of son did I raise??”
Round 4: Making you guys think I was turning beta. I love how the female commenters were so supportive of my new relationship. Still, I’m very offended that you people think I would change for a hot piece of ass.
The Dupont Circle Photoshoot:
The Dupont Circle pictures were taken by my lovely intern Sally. She gets BIG thanks from me for helping out because I know it wasn’t easy for her. I had to practically beg to get her to take that fountain picture. “God I hope I don’t run into anyone I know.” Plus Judy was being a little whore by pawing at Sally’s ass throughout the photoshoot.
On the way over to DC I was getting a lot of stares. I probably shouldn’t have put Judy in the front seat:
Walking through the city with a blow-up doll was very embarrassing – more embarrassing then when I used to wear a glow necklace in clubs. Everyone stared at Judy and gave me weird looks. Most laughed. People were taking pictures with their camera phones and asking weird questions like where Judy’s hole was. I would answer inquiries with “It’s an art project.” The hardest part of the photoshoot was walking through the Dupont Circle fountain. People hang in the fountain just to people watch, so when I strolled through everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at me and my doll.
From this experiment I learned that black guys really do love white women. While white guys would snicker and laugh, black guys who would make sexual comments directed at the doll and cat-call from moving cars. The funny part is Judy doesn’t even have an ass.
Our last photo was a picture of me and Judy “window shopping.” Right after Sally took the picture, the store manager literally ran out and tried to stop us. He was a bit late. Sally was frazzled.
Thanks also goes out to Eugenius for supporting me through the Judy pranks. Pre-drinking has a new meaning for us both now that we can simulate sex on Judy to get amped up before going out. Hopefully no one is getting attached:
Where Is She Now?
Judy has her own room and bed in my house. She is exhausted from all the exposure, especially since she is a very shy girl.
The following is a list of the most gullible people on the internet: Anonymous, Crazy Girl City, Sudamericana, Anonymous, Phil, Ayla, fanman, Sweet (formerly known as The Virgin), Cock Diesel, Johnny5, RCR, AUA, tommy, Mad Asian, Matt, Anonymous, V, Stephen, Joe, Whatever, Aja, and Anonymous. Only one person called BS…
In conclusion, :laugh:
I’ll just come right out and say it: all I think about is the man sausage.
I don’t know how I’ve managed to hide it from you guys for so long. More than a year ago, I figured a good way to cover-up my homosexuality was to create a blog where I just write about women. It worked. Unfortunately a bit too well, because when I try to get it on with other gay men, they don’t believe that I’m really gay. They think I’m just trying to get content for my blog.
Proof of my staunch homosexuality:
Me and my Russian gay lover, before I dumped him
I like men. In fact, I’m with a man right now. His name is Javiar Gutierrez, and he is exotic and fun. Why else would you think I’m learning Spanish? I’m only doing it for my amor. The blog title change that you see above is indicative of big content changes on this blog. Finally I can stop pretending that I don’t care about style or eyebrow plucking.
Me = :gay:
P.S. I love Destiny’s Child.
You can tell they are probably a lot of fun to hang out with. Most girls I know don’t even like their picture being taken unless conditions are perfect, let alone make a funny video and upload it to the internet. Girls over here are trained to be stiff unless liquored up.
The redhead looks like someone we know…
I’m seeing double here… four Jessa’s!