I saw an amazing commercial yesterday at the gym. I was sitting in the lobby watching Fox News with dirty men; the kind who prefer not to cover up with towels. Reenactment:

Previous: The shower guy

The commercial starts when a hot woman pulls up to a drive-through dry cleaner. We catch a glimpse of some schlub in the car behind her who we are to assume she is attracted to. When she pays for her dry cleaning, she gives the elderly cashier extra money and tells her to pay for the guy’s shirts. “And give him this card too.” :whoa:

Then on the screen you see, “Bold takes initiative.”

Imagine how perfect the world would be if this really happened – if women would pay for a man without expecting or asking anything in return. The girl in this commercial is my dream girl, and for that reason she does not exist. There is no woman out there that is confident enough to pull a move like this. NONE. Shit, there are still women who are scared of kissing on the first date after a man drops money on dinner. There are still women who take months to get in bed, something that shows no boldness or initiative.

So while this commercial painfully reminds me of what I do not currently have, it also offers some hope: it gives me a dream to chase, a purpose in life. If this girl does exist, who better than me to find her?

(Turns out the commercial is for Ford, a car I will never buy in my life. You can watch it here.)

35 thoughts on “I WISH

  1. KassyK

    While you try to find that dream girl to buy you things, us girls will wait to find a guy in real life that looks as good as the one that commercial. I guess we are all on a mission of futility huh?


  2. Days of Broken Arrows

    Definitely don’t buy a Ford — or a Dodge for that matter (unless you like hanging out in service stations).

    I think situations like the above do happen. Looking back, a few things like that have happened to me, but I was too idiotic to see them for what they were, and instead either blew them off or viewed them as oddly suspicious. I think sometimes women are right and guys do need to be hit over the head.

  3. Twoste

    This blog is a loud lament to loneliness. A single solitary tear rolls down my cheek and into my manly bosom where it is absorbed by the skin covering my heart, and taken inside to become a part of me…forever, a part filled with sorrow and longing, desire and passion, a versimilitude of flaggelated equines roams through the shallow bellows of my belated intestine.
    Memento Mori, my brother. Memento Mori. It’s Latin.
    *single fist raised in the air*

  4. comment giver who completely missed the point

    yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh the MS paint is back!!!!!!!

    (special ed voice:) yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  5. Sweet

    Ah yes. I also saw another version in which the woman is in a fast food drive thru, and asks the employee at the register to pass along her number to the guy in the car behind her. I recall thinking, ‘Dumb girl. He won’t call you. He doesn’t even know what you look like.’ So in that case, I’d say it was bold takes stupid.

  6. Tep

    I wouldn’t trust my phone number with someone who worked at a drive through. Nor would I trust giving them extra money, you know how much they make? Minimum Wage.

  7. oface

    1st….I never look at another mans penis…*no homo* If you can give details, well than you looked too long.

    2nd….These women do exist……Just in a galaxy far far far muthafcukin away…

    3rd…..Get those muthafcukin snakes off the muthafcukin plane…..

    4th…..Dam I didn’t know giving out coupons to strangers at the local White Castle could be so romantic….

  8. Anon

    “There are still women who take months to get in bed, something that shows no boldness or initiative.”

    Some women hold sex and intimacy to a high standard, and prefer to have sex with a select few who they have a meaningful connection with.
    In my opinion being bold means you can go into a club dressed with class, drink a cocktail or two, and have significant conversations with members of the opposite sex, without sticking your tongue down their throat on the first encounter or even after date or two. Boldness is the ability to have true confidence in knowing that you are sexy and sexual, but you don’t have to prove it to everyone in a club or to every guy who buys you dinner.

    I agree the woman in the Ford is incredibly bold and confident, but don’t equate those characteristics with being “easy”. Some of the most assertive and brilliant women I know take months to get to “bed”, since sex is also an experience for their brain, not just their primitive instincts.

  9. Anonymous

    So well said, Anon. Confidence doesn’t always mean opening the legs at the first sign of affection. With as many co-dependent people out there, that’s usually quite the contrary.

  10. karl pilkington

    I believe that the Lord of the Rings has a firmer basis in reality than that Ford commercial.

  11. Chaco

    “Some of the most assertive and brilliant women I know take months to get to ?bed?”…

    These must be some damn loney women…let me guess, they only want really attractive, really successful guys whom they never seem to find because those guys don’t waste their time waiting months?

  12. Stephen

    I’ve seen girls (and good looking ones) have the courage to do a cold call like that commercial. Happened to me once in a coffee shop, in fact, and she was cute, and we went out a few times but weren’t a match.

    Just as there’s very few guys willing to risk rejection, there’s very few girls. It is a rare trait. But they are out there, both kinds

  13. Pagan M.

    I would do it. I am the queen of slipping guys my number (sometimes when they are talking to other girls), and then walking away (so they know I have plenty of options). Guys love a ballsy chick, if she’s good-looking.

    For those of you who want to be more ballsy, here’s the deal:

    You can be assertive ONE TIME. You can ask him out, make the first move, call him up ONE TIME. After that, the ball’s in his court. Don’t be needy.

    You’ll know he’s interested when he makes the second move. No, he isn’t shy. No, he isn’t intimidated by you, No, he isn’t out of town or in the hospital. No, he hasn’t lost your number.

    DCB, what do you think?

  14. Single in the City

    DCB, you are hanging with the wrong girls. I have sent a guy a beer on my way OUT of the bar (wasn’t looking for a number or a relationship–just thought a guy that HOT–which is such a rarity in this town–needed another cold beer); put a note with my number in a guy’s pocket that read, “I’m here with someone else but would rather be with you.” And while I have found that boys are really overheated with excitement by these kind of moves in the beginning, the relationships I’ve had that started with me taking the initiative fizzled quickly. My excitement wears off, and besides, guys really do like to be the hunters.

    As for the commercial–I guess the girl had some extra cash in her pocket after buying her Ford and thought she’d spread the wealth. I agree with the previous comments though–no chance the guy in the car behind her ever had a clue that his dry cleaning was supposed to be “on her.” Greedy little dry cleaner workers…

  15. a saddened reader

    Even if this woman did exist and DCB did meet her, he would find something wrong with her. I don’t know why I keep reading this blog- it is so incredibly depressing. I know DCB thinks he is so “clever” by writing about the things that women are most insecure about, but really, he is just plain mean. Seriously, you should get some counselling, your attidude is not healthy. You build up barriers around yourself by finding something wrong with literally every person. The truth is- if you are constantly looking for the bad, you will ALWAYS find it. Guarenteed. If Angelina Jolie walked in the door and wanted to date you- you would find some reason why she didn’t meat your standards. Nobody is perfect, not even the most gorgeous, seemingly confident people out there. Really it’s just a relection of your own insecurity- you don’t want to let people in because then they will see your own flaws. If you keep treating people like they are completely disposible, the only thing you will end up with is ALONE.

  16. Anonymous

    Question for the women:

    Do most of you think you should get a “hot” guy, regardless of what you look like? Because yesterday I was walking behind some fat chick and overheard her talking on her cell phone about how she was going to get this “hot” guy.

  17. Anonymous

    Everone in this town thinks they deserve a trophy wife/husband. I’ve never seen so many overinflated egos in my life. And I’ve never seen so many frumpy, Jennene Garafolo clonse walking around all thinking they’re going to land Jude Law.

  18. Anonymous

    I agree with a saddened reader. DCB is so busy looking for flaws in others, so he won’t actually have to look at himself closely.

    No one is perfect, there is no perfect wife or girlfriend or even model. DCB certainly is not perfect either. You can spend your whole life pointing out how women are shallow whores on a blog, or you can go out and find someone who matters to you.

  19. virglekent

    Slow down anon, shut your fucking mouth!

    Brooke Burke IS PERFECT!

    If you don’t think so kill yourself, we don’t want you to have children. Your stupidity must die with you

  20. Jamie

    If we wanted perfect we would create and then date/marry a computer program, that would do exactly as you say, be obident, and always behave accordingly to code. The point is we are attracted to other “humans” who are by nature flawed and not perfect. My spouse is not perfect but he is “perfect” to me.

  21. Anonymous

    A saddened reader: I’d like to meet you for a dinner, perhaps we can eat some meat and bread.

    Jamie: Thanks Will Hunting

  22. DCB Post author

    Wow I’m SO surprised that the comments somehow veered into something I didn’t even mention. :rolleyes:

    I did not say anything about quality of women or flaws. I just want a confident girl who can approach me if she is digging me.

    do some of you even read what i put up? or do you have your comments ready to go depending on the day or your mood?

  23. Charlotte

    Two things:

    1) I call Bullshit. I think guys like the games and that any girl who puts her cards on the table about liking a guy or thinking he is hot or whatever will ultimately get rejected. Guys love the chase. I’ve also been told that confidence and intelligence are intimidating. Make up your mind.

    2) Bold v. Brave: Is there a difference? Sally has told me I am bold but not brave. For example, I’ll initiate w/ a hot guy if he’s right in front of me, but not if he’s across the room or mediocre looking. Valid? Is bold enough? See above for my opinion of “brave” moves. It’s bullshit.

  24. Jewcano

    Charlotte: You have been cruelly misinformed. Guys do love the chase, but the chase involves a lot more than the first words, and if you make that first contact easier on the guy it’s just going to encourage him, not scare him off. Confidence and intelligence aren’t intimidating at all to a guy who has them in spades already. Don’t get the wrong idea; if you’re not my type, it doesn’t matter what words you spout or how many times you grab my ass, I’m not going to want to talk to you (lo and behold, it works both ways.) As a woman, you hold the ability to reject the guy all the way up until the point where he’s dozing off on top of you, guys know this and know (or think) all women know this. So to say you’re only bold or brave to hit on Prince Charming when he’s already buying you a drink is nonsense.

    Of course, if you’re hanging around Sally, apparently most of her friends are neurotic pregnant druggies anyway, I have no idea what goes for bold or brave in that subset of the dating pool.

  25. Namaste

    hmmm…I actually have something to say about this post. I notice that you lament the paucity of women who are like this, when (from what you express in this blog), you aren’t much of a giver either. Everything seems very conditional–If you buy dinner for a woman, you have precise sexual expectations, etc. Why is a woman an expense and/or burden of time/energy/money? Why can’t forming a relationship with someone you grow to know and respect not simultaneously an affirming outlet for expressing your masculinity, chivalry and kindness? We all need to love and be loved, right? So taking the time to get to know someone without the stress that comes from the conditionality of sex in exchange for a meal seems pretty apparent. Hmmm. My feeling is that if you ever expect anyone to treat you as you wish to be treated, then you need to do the same in your own right.

    On that note, I hope you can get with Kat and meet up with us on Sunday eve. I’ll be in town for a day before heading abroad for a couple of months. May I be so bold as to say that it would be good to hang out with you again? 😉

  26. Gabi

    I’ve seen this commercial a couple times and it makes me laugh every time because the scruffy guy in the car behind her looks so much like one of the Fab Five guys (it’s been a while since I’ve seen them but it’s the one who does grooming). Just her luck to try to hit on a gay man.

  27. Hammer

    The Car Commercial where the lady pay’s for the drycleaning of a couple of shirts for the guy behind her in line is bold without question.

    Likely she and he hit the cleaners at the same time, often, and she decides to break the ice unconventionally as it is. Most men would be somewhat put off by this move,I suspect; me? I would call, ask to meet somewhere in the intention of refunding her cash. But one look into her eyes and I would likely forget about the refund and ask her out to dinner.

    I would love to know who this actress really is; she is without question the squeeky clean looking gal that can send shivers up a guys spine with just a zing of a glance, making men young and old alike wonder about the person inside…In short, she can park her Ford in my garage anytime she likes!!

  28. Kristen

    I understand how ridiculous this comment is since it’s 9 months late, but I like the commercial so much that I want to leave it.

    As someone who spends most of her time in traffic imagining that the guy next to her (behind her, two cars away, whatever it takes) could be smart, witty and able to take mounds of sarcasm, I actually somehow identify with the woman in the commercial. Getting a job where I need a card and finding a drive-thru dry cleaner around me where I happen to pull up in front of a veritable dreamboat has become my new goal in life. As much as you love that woman, I want to be that woman.

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