EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA

I’m not a big fan of Christmas. I hate the traffic, the materialism of people’s blind credit card spending on shit they or their loved ones don’t need, the crowds of slow-walking fat people munching on jumbo pretzels, and the feeling that for another year my singledom will be rubbed in my face as miserable families and couples pretend they are happy.

Every year the company I work for gives a week off at Christmas. Last year I made the mistake of staying in town and had to suffer for it with nothing to do but dress up to go to Starbucks to hit on the high school aged baristas. I swore that I would not make the same mistake this year, so I’m going to Venezuela for the holidays. For New Years, I hope you have fun at whatever overpriced party you are going to. May your desperate search for a midnight kiss result in some action.

See you in 2006.

(P.S. Miss Metropolis may keep you entertained in my absence. )

16 thoughts on “EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA

  1. yuck

    Have you gone insane like MM? You must really like this girl because you are tainting your site with her bitterness. You are bitter sometimes, but you keep it real. You don’t come on here to obviously try and to offend certain people on the sly. You come right out with it, not hide behind some pen name and made snippy comments.

    Dude, just keep it real and don’t ruin YOUR rep over this insane girl. Otherwise known as Kelly Ann Collins.

  2. Sudamericana

    You should really head for Argentina on your next trip. I?ve been in Buenos Aires for the last week, and the amount of skinny, tanned and beautiful girls you see on the streets here would be absolute paradise for you. Plus, they looove unshaven guys with messy hair.

    You would have some serious competition, though; you don?t see that many handsome guys in the DC scene either.

    In the meantime, I hope you have fun in Venezuela.

  3. Hugo Chavez

    Thank you for spending your American Dollars in my communist…cough..cough..democratic country. We think you DCB for your prescence. Although, you will have to go through a thorough exam of your belongings to make sure your not an agent of Pat Robertson, sent here to destroy me. Our steak dinners are cheap and the women here are the worlds most beautiful. Just remember that we do lead the world in plastic surgery and there currently is a small coup being planned by the old regime. But welcome DCB and have a great time.

    P.S.– I’m sending oil trucks to southeast dc next month. Hugo cares about the poor people.

  4. You Freak

    Kelly Ann-
    Going to a different state really isn’t that big of a deal. Why don’t you report to us from Ibiza?? Oh…that’s right, white trash like you never got a passport.

    You’re a miserable wretch and it shows. Have fun in Florida– alone.

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