FUN WITH CLASSIFIED ADS

I will use this post to help educate you men on how decipher the vague and ambiguous personal ads of women online. Allow me to translate some key parts of this Craigslist ad.

She says: “Curvacious/cuddly”
What she really means: “Morbidly obese.”

She says: “I don’t play games with people and hate the ‘dating games’ that people play”
What she really means: “Guys never call me back.”

She says: “A few drinks now and then is fine, just don’t be one of those guys who goes out and gets wasted at every opportunity… ”
What she really means: “Guys regularly cheat on me with the ugliest girl in the bar.”

She says: “Educated, career oriented, and driven.”
What she really means: “Must have $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$”

She says: “You have to be comfortable around kids, as I have a huge family with lots of little cousins.”
What she really means: “I plan on popping them out while you work your way up that middle management ladder.”

She says: “I love having long conversations that just flow from one topic to another… ”
What she really means: “You have to be able to listen to my nonstop whining and complaining.”

She says: “As you can tell I’m pretty opinionated, I know what it is that I want and I’m not a pushover.”
What she really means: “Your life will be a living hell.”

She says: “I don’t do the casual dating marathons, or the quick hook-ups.”
What she really means: “I used to put out on the first date pretty regularly, but you’ll have to wait a few months.”

If you meet girls through the personals, why are you still alive?

23 thoughts on “FUN WITH CLASSIFIED ADS

  1. RCR

    How about: “I’m not this redundant in real life” = “In fact, I’m even more redundant. I will nag you until your ears bleed.”

  2. nabeel

    wow… these girls have sky-high expectations. i mean come on, no one’s perfect. I’d say to those girls, “if you want to meet a good guy, lower your expectations STAT”

  3. Windy

    How do you find these things?! At first I didn’t realize you pulled all of that from just ONE ad – WOW! LOL! Too funny … oh gosh is that mean that we are laughing at her?

  4. Liz

    I didn’t notice that you pulled this off of Craigslist. But as I was reading this I thought to myself “I bet he got this off of Craigslist.”

    😛

  5. Liz

    I look at personals on Craigslist from time to time…when I need a good laugh. Honestly, some of the stuff people post on there is hilarious. And it’s not just the personals, it’s in apartments, job listings, etc.

  6. CultureShocked

    [My Friend] hooked up w/some craigslist ‘Casual Encounters’ trick and she stole his pants the next morning.

    This girl don’t seem like the pant-stealin’ typa H-to-the-Izzo, but I still say REMAIN cautious… boiling water is not good for your pet rabbit’s skin.

  7. Liz

    “some of the craigslist personal ads are tragic. particularly the ones with pictures.”

    hahaha, those are my favorite.

  8. DCB Post author

    yes i did post a missed connection. here it is:

    ” Around 1230 you were sitting at the bar with your friend when I came over and asked you to get me a lime. We talked for maybe 30 seconds when you put your finger in your mouth while holding eye contact. Normal guys would take that as a hint of some sort, but instead I said, ?I?ll be back! Seriously, I?m coming back!? (I didn?t want to be a jerk to the girls I was talking to.) But then you left before I could talk to you.

    You: Blonde, sexy

    Me: Idiot, baby soft hair”

  9. Anonymous

    oooo – that last anonymous person was harsh. no need for that.
    internet dating sux and i am a embarrassed and horrified user. sometimes the only alternative. but craigs list takes it to another level. free internet dating – hmmmm – you get what you ask for – users should be careful with their pants and wallets:)

  10. monalisa

    Hello buyers,
    All brand of puppies for sale at reasonable email me on [email protected] and ask for the brand you want and the pictures will be sent to you immediately as low as 100USD.
    Looking forward to hearing from you soonest.
    Monalisa

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