Tight Game Week I’m supposed to write something for the ladies for Tight Game Week, but it’s tough. For starters, I kinda already wrote it. All I know about game is, you either have it, or you don’t. The Bachelor says that game for women primarily entails looking hot, while I argue that it often merely means having a noonie.

A friend of mine once described my game as, “using lots of big words and tossing your hair.” That’s true.

There’s not a set standard of game for women. The desired goal of game, for men, is getting laid. In many instances this is true for women as well, but there are a lot of other factors. It all depends on what kind of man you’re trying to land, what you’ve got to work with, where you are, who you’re with, what’s your endgame, etc. Just like everything else, women tend to over-think their game. Thanks, corpus callosum!

I guess the best piece of advice I have for women is to not get so hung up on waiting for men to approach you. As evidenced by the rest of the posts on Tight Game Week, men are hampered by the same insecurities and “what-ifs” that women are, and even more so because they realize most women won’t approach them and make it easy. So you can’t always trust them to sack up and initiate contact. Some girls dismiss the idea that they should have to do any of the work. That’s fine if you’re planning to be single the rest of your life. Let’s face it, if you’re going to demand equal rights, you’re going to have to put in equal effort.

I’m not saying you should be buying drinks for men – I only do if I lose a bet, which is practically never (since the “Paul-Allen-cofounded-Apple” debacle of ’03) – but at least be bold enough to start a conversation. It’s usually easiest to pick on a few guys who are standing around with no ladies in sight, because they’ll be happy to have some female company and hope that you have hot friends with you. And if you don’t, well, more for you!

Even if you’re too much of a chickenshit to approach, you can at least look open. That means standing up straight, making eye contact, smiling, and, ok, maybe tossing your hair (it definitely cannot hurt). If actions speak louder than words, make sure your availability and interest is clearly conveyed.

Oh, and only give out your phone number if you’re serious. Anyone can be a flake, but it takes real Tattersons to go on a date with a man you’re not sure about and open yourself to the possibility that you’ll have a good time.

18 thoughts on “GOTS GAME

  1. KassyK

    Great post–I’d agree that tossing hair works (lol) and while I have no idea on what the hell my “game” is…I know that it helps to be sane, intelligent, have a sense of humor and be approachable or like you said–approach men. It takes cojones for men to constantly approach women and I have approached men before and only had a positive reactions.

    But that could have been bc I was wearing a booby shirt and tossing my hair…Who knows?

    I’ve been in two situations where I went out on first dates with guys I wasnt sure about and ended up liking them both so if you arent sure at first…I agree–be ballsy and give them a shot–they did by coming up to you and asking for your number and a chat anyway.


  2. hedonistic

    Sally, I think you’re right: The “noonie” is really all it takes. Still, I think it’s important to tailor the noonie-package to attract the kind of man you want in your bed!

    I think Sally mentioned the power of the dress/skirt/heels in her other post, but it deserves reinforcement: Wear an itty bitty SUN DRESS and heels. Braless if at all possible. The sun dress has almost universal appeal.

    While at the local watering hole, add a frozen girly drink with an umbrella in it, and you’re officially man bait. You don’t need to do another blessed thing unless you WANT to, in which case, go for it! Remember to smile. Cheers!

  3. Anonymous

    Hed: remember to stop posting comments you have no pratical knowledge about!

    You remind me of some of the gunners I had in undergrad lectures. Always had to talk, offer their opinion, and thought they were right on absolutely everything. You’re the only one who appreciates reading what you write.


  4. blueberry

    Game is as important for women than men: it serves the purpose of bridging the interest gap that exists between one an a rock star (men)/hottie (women).
    Rock stars and hotties don’t need game. Others do, mainly to appear on someone’s radar screen alongside hotties and rock stars.
    It is true however that given the male psychology, an ok-looking woman that plays her physical attributes well will generally be considered a hottie and therefore does not need much game to get males attention, while a non-rock star dude will _always_ need game to get attention. (By the way, the same would be true for an average-looking woman).
    Hence my point that game equally exists for men and women, it is just not as often required for women given the importance we (male) put on women’s physical attributes.

  5. Stupendous

    This is getting out of hand now. Your a chick. All you have to do is look attractive and easy and men will flock to you. All men talk to pretty chicks, its the ugly chicks who receive verbal silence….The real ugly chixs…….

  6. Lonnie Bruner

    You forgot about sparkly/flashy things. See, men are like fish: we go after things that catch our eyes. Oh, and wearing skimpy clothes that are the same color as the inner labia. We’re all suckers for that.

  7. ribald

    A girl having flash is nice, but one who gives you no bullshit is a true gem. I don’t mind playing my game, but it speaks insanely positive volumes when a cool girl approaches a guy, as we do deserve a break now and then. And any girl worth her salt should have no fear approaching a group of guys; 9 times out of 10 they will ALL be receptive to you, and the ones who aren’t are likely a group of pricks anyway. To add on Sally’s otherwise excellent words, girls should keep one more thing in mind — guys are looking for FEMALES, not another “one of the guys” when we’re out, so putting on the whole grrrls-kick-ass/i-can-arm-wrestle-you/i-just-love-sports-bars -and-playing-golden-tee act will probably do more harm than good. Unless he’s gay, he wants to make out with you, not his buddy Jake. F’ing Awesome post Sally!

  8. b

    Takes a better ‘Tattersons’ to go out with a man and for him to have the possibility of you being open with your legs 😉

  9. Wendy

    my advice is perk up your nipples before approaching the man. Works every time.

    Don’t believe me? Ask my husband…

  10. Jewcano

    Exposing the worst of the chick myths. “The desired goal of game, for men, is getting laid”. Bullshit. Guys throw game to get laid. Guys throw game to get dates. Guys throw game because they’re bored and want to talk to a stranger instead of listening to their wingmen ramble. Hell, guys throw game to get the damn girl off the bar so they can lean in and buy more booze. Just because a dude starts talking to you does not necessarily mean he wants a quickie in the alley. The moment you decide all you are to men is a vagina with legs, that moment that’s what you become, because you’re gonna freeze off anyone who might want anything else.
    Girl game? Don’t overdress so damn much. You’re not Paris Hilton, your makeup looks like ass, and guys in bars in DC aren’t out for Hollywood starlets anyway, else they’d be in LA. If you want to talk to guys, leave the fat ugly friend at home, they don’t make you look better by comparison and not all of us have grenade-jumpers. Think about it from the other side, would you follow a girlfriend so she can flirt with some dude while you’re stuck with Napolean Dynamite next to him? It doesn’t work.
    Of course,what do I know , I thought noonie was a Korean girl’s name.

  11. Wendy

    “guys throw game to get the damn girl off the bar so they can lean in and buy more booze”

    Awesome! This has been such a fun week with all the debate and great advice and some hate thrown in…I looove this blog!

  12. gyro

    I’ve never posted before, but I’ve been reading the TGW feature all week long, and DCB’s content for a long time prior. As usual, DCB’s recommendations are rock solid, broken down into easy-to-grasp insights, and if you fellas pay attention, odds are yr game will only be fortified by paying heed.

    My only objection is gonna be that one poster, hedonistic, is getting all this mad hostility. Fellas, trust me here, ya don’t want to drive that point of view away.

    I don’t know Hed, nor do I particularly agree with all she says when she throws her cents in. But, I think that she deserves a more fair shake than she’s getting. For disclosure, I’m older than hell (34). This seems far beyond the geriatric horizon for many here, but from where I’m standing (at the brink of so-called decrepitude) life is not so bad. The odds of getting notches in the post-30 world are not really affected by telecom-deterministic choices such as TXT vs voice messaging. Hed, in general, brings some comments to the table that y’all deride as simplistic (bra-less sundress, umbrella drink… sorry Hed), but there’s a place for what she’s saying, which is that mastering girl-game is just as key as guy-game is for the players. Hell, I think I’ll go so far as to say that in a few years, some of you game-tightening hot shots are gonna still be enjoying the nuggets of wisdom that you’ve collected by reading DCB, and at that time you’ll be more inclined to notice where somebody like Hed might fit into yr world.

    Too much analytical activity. Back to fully superficial mode. Check out Hed’s legs ” :thumbup:” Respect.

  13. Q

    The definition of game in any arena is having the skills necessary to reach a desired goal, right? Therefore, to my way of thinking, game is critical for girls if we want to have some influence over who we wind up with and what kind of relationship ensues.

    For everybody, I would say there are three major phases of game, outlined here specifically in reference to “dating game”: 1) knowing what kind of person and what kind of involvement you’re looking for, 2) recognizing that kind of person when you meet him/her and assessing whether your desires are compatible, and 3) getting and keeping the attention of your target.

    Number one is all about the inner work it takes to figure out what you really want, and no one else can do that for you.

    Number two is all about your skill at observing and reading other people. When you first meet someone, there are so many opportunities to notice who they are and what they’re about, it’s usually easy to get a quick read on whether they have the right vibe. If all you’re looking for is a hook-up, then this process is easy – just use your eyes and your pheromones.

    If you’re looking for someone longer term, as I usually am, then you start to screen for personality traits. Are their conversational themes generally positive or negative? If something minor goes wrong in the course of the evening, do they bitch about it non-stop, or do they correct the situation, laugh it off, or let it go? Are they able to balance listening and talking? Can they actively participate in the conversation when you bring up things you’re interested in? What’s the body language? If they touch you, how does it feel – grasping, controlling, warm, inviting? If it progresses, do they call/show up when they say they will? This is their way of telling you how reliable they’re willing to be. There are a million little things that will cue you in to whether you’re in for a smooth and happy ride or negativity and drama.

    As for getting and keeping the attention of your target, that gets more personal and depends one everyone’s preferences. Go out looking good, play up your best features, and act sane and friendly. The people who like your look and vibe will approach you; the ones who don’t, won’t. Don’t take it personally if the whole world isn’t attracted to your look or personality – we all have our preferences, and it’s better to weed out the incompatible matches early on.

    If you’re a girl and you see a guy who really interests you, try an approach. Most of the time it’ll go well, and you’ll learn something about the guts and poise it takes for them to get out there and approach us night after night. We only get a limited number of chances to connect with people, so if you see a good one, don’t let the chance pass you by. If you get chatting and really like the guy, give him your number AND some encouragement to call. When (if) you part ways, tell him you had fun talking to him & that it’d be great to hang out sometime. If he’s interested, it’ll make it that much easier for him to pick up the phone and make that nerve-wracking first call.

    If you want things to progress, make it easy for the guy. To use a personal example, when I was first hitting it off with my guy, I decided I really wanted to keep seeing him. During our convo, he mentioned that he loved documentary movies. Since I was so interested, I set him up to ask me out by telling him that there was a particular doc in the theaters that I had been dying to see. He immediately followed with, “I’ve been wanting to see that, too, maybe we should see it together.” I accepted, and, voila, we had painlessly arranged our first date. The guys really are responsible for a lot of the upfront effort in getting things going, so don’t make them sweat it every step of the way.

    After that, be a yourself (while also behaving sanely and being considerate). Treat your guy well, know how you want to be treated in return, and if you’ve brought your best game and it still doesn’t turn out the way you wanted, cut your losses and move on.

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