Everyone involved in the nightlife scene have ego’s that love to be stroked. This includes promoters, owners, DJ’s, bouncers and bartenders. They pick these jobs because it gives them power and attention. People come up to you and request songs. People beg to get in the club. People want to throw a party at your club. People want free drinks. You have the power to grant or deny their wishes.

Bouncers are the first group that you need to ball stroke. You crack a joke here or there and get their name in the hope they recognize you. If they like you then you never need to worry about a guestlist again. Bouncers have big balls so it takes time to build a relationship with them.

Promoters influence the bouncers, so it’s a good idea to stroke their balls too. There are a lot of different kinds of promoters out there but generally you just need to ask for their card and stay in touch. They are in the business of bringing crowds so there is no reason why you shouldn’t get hook-ups from them.

Stroking bartender’s balls offers inconsistent rewards. To get free drinks you could either be a big tipper or be a familiar face, but it’s never a guarantee. And you can’t ask for a free drink because that would be in poor taste. Some bartenders will hook you up all the time and others never will. In the end if you are a poor bastard then it’s worth the try to get that hand cupped and ready to stroke.

Owners need the most ball stroking because they are so used to getting their balls stroked that they are desensitized to it, like a heroin addict who needs to inject more to keep getting that high. Their language is money so if you can bring value to them then they will listen to you. If you drop hundreds for Grey Goose on that corner table then he may come over and shake your hand. Big fucking deal, I know. Owners are usually not worth your stroking efforts, leave that to the promoters.

I used to stroke balls for access and free drinks. I thought it was a fair trade but lately I cut down on ball stroking because I think it makes you a sell out. At least I was never like other A-crowd wannabes who consider people in the scene to be my friend. Nightlife scenes are faker than Coach bags they sell on the street; see if your “friend” helps you when you need a place to take this hairy woman that has been dying to leave with you all night.


  1. Eric

    do you find that calculated ball-strokings net you better results than blanket, all-around ball-strokings? What I mean is, if you stroke someone’s balls genuinely, like compliment a DJ on a set that you truly enjoyed, will it benefit you more than always complimenting every DJ?

  2. DCB Post author

    Yeah calculated ball strokings to bouncers and promoters net me the best gains.

    The only people I’d genuinely stroke, as you put it, is someone more my equal who I would be friends with, not nightlife people.

    I left out DJ’s in the post because they have no real power in the nighitlife scene (except for the music).

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