May sure brings out a lot of haters.

Hater No 1:

Let’s start with this blog called Drink Yer Oil (typical boring blog). The author has a massive write-up about me and the haters, including a commentary on Insomnia’s Pizza Day story (the most unintentionally funny thing you will read on this site). Just skim his whiny intro until he starts talking about us.

So you see kids, this is the kind of thing that is endemic to D.C. nightlife which is why I hang primarily with the retards at the local bar. At least those dopes are self-actualized about the fact that they’re massive losers that no woman would want to spend time with and pretty much keep to themselves.

Nothing says ‘keepin’ it real’ than hanging with Star Wars fans at the local watering hole. All uniteresting bloggers should take note: you don’t exist until you talk about us.

Here is the Pizza Day story with misspellings, block text format, and grammatical errors preserved:

Pizza Day by INSOMNIA… Alright this is a good one. Monday night I bought myself a pizza for dinner and come home to dine. I have a slice and then run off to the gym. I come back and its gone. Turns out my brother thought my dad bought it (which my father never shops at jerrys only pizza hut) and ate the entire thing. I let that one slide and said don’t let it happen again. Wensday I bought a pizza for my dad and I, and one for my dinner on Thursday night. On wensday night I called my brother and told him, “Sean I am buying this pizza for my dinner tomorrow so don’t go off eating it again this is my dinner”. I also told my father that the other pizza would be my dinner for the next day. Thursday afternoon I called my brother and told him not to eat my dinner for the second time. So anyhow I get off of work and come home. WAIT!!!…My pizza isn’t there. I ask my father “have u seen my pizza?”. His response, “I don’t know where it is”. I notice an empty pizza box with no fucking pizza!!! I am furious at this point. Called my brother and cussed him out. His first response “I didn’t know it was ur pizza”…Bullshit!!!After telling him?..Then a few minutes pass and more cussing…”Dad told me I could eat it” . That’s right Mr, “I don’t know where it is”. I went off on both of them. I started to kick things off the floor and cussed both of them out. They said I was being childish!! Well fuck them. Anyhow I am right, its rude and disrespectful to do that shit


Hater No 2:

Next up is DCist “writer” DCeiver, whose blog crush with this site can not be denied.

DCBachelor stresses the need to develop a “sexual gimmick.” We (there you go with the we again) were able to surmise from this picture, elsewhere on his blog, what DCB’s is–you can see the well-worn crevasse where he brutalized this banana bread with his cock. Kinda like a wet sponge indeed. And the “synergistic ingredient”, he says, were his walnuts! Mmmm. Cracky, dampen goodness!


Hater No 3:

We end this hater round-up with anonymous hate mail. The author took some time to structure it well, saving his best material (CAPS and exclamation points) for the end.

Too all the fucking losers who are apart of this site. I feel bad for men who spend there time talking about their lack of straight pussy. As many say, the internet, and for that matter computers are for pedophiles and nerds. Seeing as how you guys are neither I figure I should make a new category: fucking desperate losers. You can defend what you do as cool, but ultimately, you are un-collar popped, never had sex, masturbate to my father’s old granny porn losers. You guys give the term bachelor a bad name. I feel bad people like you exist, but I suppose when you are a desperate man who can only score pussy from slampigs who would putout for a donkey, it figures; you are all fucking jackasses who are going to die lonely. LONELY. And you can justify your existence only by other men.. sweet you suck. I suppose if I wasn’t successful, i.e. had money and got laid I could join you group, but then I’d have to be a complete ass fucker and give up my pride and dick. YOU GUYS SUCK DICK! Unfortunately for you “men” you are sad.. Just sad. Just do what you want, ultimately, I’ll end up with trophy wife and you’ll end up with some sad chick who sarges men. I suppose those women are meant for you, even though I’ll be pissed this means you will carry on the human race of utter fucking stupidity and sadness. ALL OF YOU ARE FUCKING SAD AND NEED TO GET A FUCKING LIFE! LOSERS!YOU ARE ALL FUCKING LOSERS AND THE SAD THING IS THAT YOU KNOW YOU ARE, AND TRY TO JUSTIFY YOU EXISTENCE.. GET A JOB! EARN SOME MONEY!AND THEN COME TALK TO ME! OH YAH INCASE YOU CHICKS THINK YOU ARE BETTER THEN ME IN ANY WAY YOU AREN’T CAUSE WHILE YOU SIT AT HOME IN YOUR MOTHER’S ATTIC NEXT YEAR JACKING OFF TO PORNO, I’LL BE EARNING ,000 OUT OF COLLEGE AND BANGING MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND!YOU GOD DAMN PATHETIC LOSERS GET A LIFE!

What’s worse, you all will get pissed this email was ever written, where as I just did it to get you pissed off and to bring the utter truth to you. Sorry you had to hear if from me. Enjoy your lives.

We’re flattered this person took time out of his busy money/sex lifestyle to write. He had a lot of cliche hating (‘can’t get laid’, ‘live in the attic/basement’) but otherwise his effort was sincere. :thumbup:

19 thoughts on “MAY HATER ROUNDUP

  1. Spaniard

    Now is it just me, or do the 3 examples have something in common? CORRECT, they all in some way or another mention, or show fascination towards, DCB’s COCK.

    Example 1 : Motor Oil Boy in reference to DCB

    “I catch myself subconsciously fondling my WIENER”

    Hmm… could it be that Motor Oil boy has a subconscious desire to partake in fondling DCB’s weiner? Or perhaps it’s an attempt to add humurous originality to his already unique and entertaining blog? *cough* Let’s move on.

    Example 2 : DCeiver, with more talk of the Bachelor’s penis

    “you can see the well-worn crevasse where [DCB] brutalized this banana bread with his COCK.”

    More mention of cocks… perhaps a society-influenced symptom affecting these so-called haters. Or maybe these haters share a common fixation with DCB’s cock? But why so much dick? Onwards.

    Example 3 : Just read below…

    “I?d have to be a complete ass fucker and give up my pride and DICK. YOU GUYS SUCK DICK… masturbate to my father?s old granny porn… IN YOUR MOTHER?S ATTIC NEXT YEAR JACKING OFF TO PORNO”

    Whoa, whoa, come on now… dicks, ass fucking, sucking dick, masturbating to dad’s mature porn, jacking off in an attic! It seems to me as if constant sexual repressions and phallic taboos, including of their own, have manifested themselves in these kids and their need for attention, originality, but most of all, love.

    Seriously now, there’s no need to beat around the bush DCeiver, Oil boy, infant emailer. The three of you talking about a particular penis could be evidence of an underlying cause. Childhood trauma? Lack of attention? Societal issues? We know how much of a taboo the penis is in this country, what we don’t know is all the ways this repression manifests itself, but at least 3 examples are clearly demonstrated here.

    It can be seen here that sexual repressions and the endless strive for originality transcends not only age, but grammatical and orthographical skill as well. The anonymous emailer’s references to DCB’s penis do not surprise me, as references to the penis tend to be a commonly used forms of humour and animosity amongst younger boys. Motor oil boy… well he seems to hop on bandwagons, and the penis bandwagon was also travelling to his destination. But DCeiver? I was sincerely expecting more originality and less insecurity. But to join in on remarks of a man’s penis puts you in the same degenerate arena as the other 2 boys.

    In conclusion, I don’t have more time to waste observing 3 kids’ fixation on DCB’s penis. Let’s turn all the hate into love. DCB, do us all a favor, whip out your dick and plop it on the unfortunate foreheads of these three boys, and we’ll pray, that through osmosis, the absorbed love for your dick will end the pleas and supplications of such a penis by these haters.


  2. inSOMnia

    Very good DCB. Senator I think we should put a roofie in Castrol Oil’s drink and let the homeless ass rape him. Do these hatters know we have jobs or have started our own businesses? And the majority of us do have girlfriends. Very weird how in there pathetic lives they transform information to what they want to percieve. We do have jobs and our company’s. We do have women.

  3. DCB Post author

    spaniard nice observation


    insomnia: if i get a girlfriend like every other hater i’d have to change the name of this site. 😐

  4. Liz

    Un-collar popped, ahahahahahahahaha!

    That’s so incredibly stupid it’s funny. The next person I see with a popped collar will immediately have their collar turned down (the way it’s SUPPOSED to be). They will also get a good swift kick to the nuts.

  5. Ned

    why can’t we all just get along? Insecurities, I guess.

    P.S. What’s with DCist being all up in your grill? You didn’t call them pedophiles or anything…

  6. Spaniard

    There’s plenty more dick to go around, give me a buzz if you’re still urging for some.

  7. DCeiver

    You shouldn’t leave out these other blurb-worthy mentions of your bleg.

    “After the hammer: DCBachelor comments, ‘I guess I hit a couple nerves.’ Huh. If you hit any nerves, DCB, it’s because you’re suffering from sciatica of the I’m-totally-fucking-kidding-myself. Ooooh! Count it!”

    “To be honest, with all the free time this little gnatish refugee from a Tag Body Spray Commercial has on his hands, I was honestly intrigued at what he might put forward. After all, twas with pure telenovela breathlessness that he foretold of a hammer coming down…I’m sure that in his mind, he used his best Count Chocula voice as well.”

    In the coming months, when you fondly recalled the days I increased your traffic by several hundred percent, look on these quotes and whisper your gratitude to me.

    Later, hater boi.

  8. DCB Post author

    “when you fondly recalled the days I increased your traffic by several hundred percent”

    i already used a similar line on rock creek rambler.

  9. inSOMnia

    Castor is funny. I cant wait to bang his wife i feel a player hater tag team comming up

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    blackmailer expunges Uzi?commodity erroneously ancestor – Tons of interesdting stuff!!!

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