Dear Cookie,

I always have a great time when I hang out with you and your friends. Last Friday night was no different. I’m glad we hit up Science Club and had a couple drinks. I’m also glad I had the pleasure of demonstrating to you some basic bar game. I like entertaining my friends. But I will never forgive you for dragging me down the street to Rumor’s, the most horrible bar in the Washington DC Metropolitan area. I can’t get out of my head the sight of cookie-cutter white people slobbering and grinding all over each other. Every guy had the same haircut, the same button-down shirt, and the same leather jacket. Every girl had the same pale fat-face, the same drunken stumble, and the same STD. Don’t get me wrong, it was fun to observe these people in their natural habitat, but I just couldn’t stay for long. I mean, you remember the DJ…

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

I have trouble getting excited over the music played by someone as old as my dad.

Lots of hate,


18 thoughts on “OPEN LETTER TO DC COOKIE

  1. Anonymous

    Ha ha ha ha ha! You know that you’re bridge and tunnel when you end up at Rumors. Go back to Falls Church or Jessup and leave DC alone.

  2. Vicky_Valencourt

    Maybe the next Haters’ Happy Hour should be at Rumors! Talk about built-in snarky fun…

  3. Anonymous

    You know you’re a jackass when you refer to people from outside of the city limits as “B&T”.

    This whole city is a suburb.

  4. Vicky_Valencourt

    I would venture to say much of the Rumors crowd is DC-based; think of all the law firms, trade associations, overall “big businesses” around that area…I have a good friend whose PR firm has happy hours/holiday parties there quite often. Granted, a lot of people (including me) commute from VA, but douchebags come from all over, DC included. DCB’s write-up of Rumors and its crowd is spot-on.

  5. holiday

    I totally agree about Rumors. Bridge and Tunnel. I have the same feelings about Mackey’s, Lucky Bar, Sign of the Whale, Mad Hatter, Bottom Line and any other bar that is included in a bar crawl. They all play the same music, have the same people and I’m only inclined to go there unless I’ve gotten drunk and have been dragged there at the end of the night to go dancing. I would never hang out with anyone that starts their night at Rumors. They are the same people that end their nights at the Daily Grill in Georgetown.

  6. Anonymous

    “The concept of DC B&T is laughable”. So say the folks who live in “Nearlington” or “Farlington”. Enjoy the Cheesecake Factory and Carpool!

  7. Ayla

    OK, we’ll enjoy Cheesecake Factory and Carpool. YOU enjoy Rumors, McFadden’s, LuLu’s, 1223…

  8. Anonymous

    You seem to be missing the point. 1/2 of Clarendon and Courthouse are in those spots you mention – probably after a great meal at Cheesecake with the rest of the 2004 class of Tech. I doubt you could hit a DC resident with a rock thrown at any of those places. More than half of 1223 are dudes who are still living with their parents out in PG anyway, or maybe Centreville. Lame.

  9. Ayla

    You seem to be missing the point:

    There are good reasons to live and go out in Virginia. There are plenty of reasons why living in and going out in Virginia sucks.

    There are good reasons to live and go out in DC. There are plenty of reasons why living in and going out in DC sucks.

    Those who need to validate where they lives or diss where anyone else lives will have a hard time enjoying life ANYWHERE on account of the size of their ego and the stick up their ass.

  10. Jamie

    haha. Lulu’s. that place needs to get shut down and sprayed with bleach. talk about STDs

  11. RCR

    DC residents do not enter the Golden Triangle after sundown. That part of the city should be ceded to VA.

  12. Sally

    My new favorite place to drink: National Eat Place (13th & F)’s food court. Slice of Italy features $1.75 32oz domestic beer from 3-7pm. It lacks ambiance but next time I’ll just bring a boom box.

  13. o-face

    Yeah, but all those places have a common trait. All of em are corporate chains. No wonder they suck. Cookie cutter dumps (No offense D.C. Cookie). But I’ll take Rumors any day over Lulu’s. OMG, that place is more dirty than a DC Massage (Whore House) Parlor

  14. Jinxy

    “OMG, that place is more dirty than a DC Massage (Whore House) Parlor”

    Thanks, O (Master of the Obvious).

    I was confused as to what you meant.

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