I finally have figured it out. I want an 18 year old girl with a perfect body and at least an okay face. I will treat her like the princess she thinks she is. She will be mine during the physical prime of her life, a period that no other man can get from her… ever. After three years I will dump her and go on myspace to find another 18 year old. The process would only take 10 minutes as I just have to pretend to like the trendy song she put in her profile, using capital letters and exclamation points to stress our deep common bond.

As I get old, fat, and balding, I will actually be very happy to be with such a young, nubile women who have the ever-so-perfect amount of baby fat that comes without even going to the gym. Sure she will be immature and stupid, but why do people value intelligence in their partner anyway? I can get that from my friends. Instead she will offer me excitement, and the validation that I am still desirable. And then when I get so old that I can’t even get it up, I will find a nice old lady at the nursing home to share my last days with. I get the best of both worlds: sex with fertile women and the comfort of an elderly partnership. Why own when you can afford to lease?


It’s hard for my female readers to identify with this post unless I use a visual aid. Now pretend you are a 26 year old man… which would you prefer:

Hot, stylish 18 year old…

Or worn out 30 year old with impossible standards…

39 thoughts on “THE DREAM

  1. LaLa

    Yes, yes, we’re all simultaneously disgusted by your misogyny yet awed by your un-PC brazenness.

    I was more entertained and engaged by last night’s episode of “So You Think You Can Dance.”

  2. Eugenius

    mmmmmmmm……..I love 18 year old girls, no complicated issues, all they want to do is have fun, sex seems like “the cool thing to do,” the only annoying thing is having to put up with conversations about which boyband member is the cutest…..:-(

  3. RCR

    Oh man, the pictures just improved this post drastically.

    Those are some bad hipster bangs. See, the black clothes and tattoos makes the 1950’s haircut “ironical.”

  4. LaLa

    “Stylish” in DCB speak meaning “the forward-thinking ability to pair 1998’s shrunken tee look with a BELTED pair of jean SHORTS.”


  5. DCB Post author

    “Hmm? last time I heard, the women are in their sexual peak at 30-34 years old.”

    A myth perpetuated by old women so we wouldnt pass on them for their younger, tight-bodied counterparts.

  6. Liz

    ?Stylish? in DCB speak meaning ?the forward-thinking ability to pair 1998?s shrunken tee look with a BELTED pair of jean SHORTS.?

    Oh.My.God. That’s fuckin hilarious. What’s also funny is that I was thinking something along those lines too.

    I also don’t think she’s as young as 18. She looks about 20 to me.

  7. jessa j

    i don’t blame you on the 18 year old web cam whore tip…. i might get one of my own someday.

    but that girl stylish? please little buddy. that’s just offensive.

  8. Spaniard

    The truth is, buddy, all men want is sex. Anyone that denies this is ignorant and does not realize that any other desire men portray to the opposite gender is merely a disguise for sex.

    Date = Disguise for sex
    Long-term committment = disguise for sex
    Saying “I Love You” = Disguise for sex
    Marriage = Yes, disguise for sex

    We’ve just been so repressed by society and the civilized standards that we in turn repress our direct instincts and disguise them with a cherry and whipped cream. So much so that even men believe the disguise to be truly what they desire…

    Women just want someone to stick around long enough to help with the children.

    Don’t be offended at men wanting younger women, all we want is sex… younger female = more fertile
    Women don’t start getting their period at 12 for no reason you know. Nature intended women to start “producing” at that age, same reason men start busting real nuts instead of puffs of smoke at around that age as well.

    Without a civilized society would men be mating with 12 year olds? Probably yes… no matter how disgusting it seems to civilized people.

    That’s why women get in the “You have to assure me you love every other day, including weekends,” zone, because they want to BELIEVE that we don’t just want sex. BUT WE DO!

    Women want to believe that we ALSO want a long, meaningful, caring, and loving relationship… yep, you’re wrong.

    No reason to whine to your male partner, just accept the reality. The more you work with me on the sex part, the more i’ll work with you on the relationship (as a favor of course).

  9. Aja

    ?Hmm? last time I heard, the women are in their sexual peak at 30-34 years old.?

    “A myth perpetuated by old women so we wouldnt pass on them for their younger, tight-bodied counterparts.”

    That blows, I was hoping to blame my bombastc-whorish behavior on biology.

  10. DC_Cookie

    That’s because you’re still young. Ask a man who has been with both a 20 year old woman and a 40 year old woman. I believe he’ll verify that women peak at a much riper age than men…

  11. SenatorAmericana

    Yes, Spaniard, we are all shaken and disturbed by your “in-your-face” appraisal of the male sexual psyche. We’re all impressed by your no-holds-barred attitude and…yawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn.

  12. Marc

    I absolutely scoff at the people who say older women are better in bed because of experience. That is a joke.

    It all boils down to desire. I’ve slept with plenty of 18-21 year olds who just plain loved sex. Their desire for sex and their desire to please a man dictates the experience they gain through practice.

    On the other hand, I’ve slept with a 30+ year olds on ocassion and some were great, but some, like some of their younger counterparts were just plain boring and uninspired. This of course assuming I am all wonderful in bed.

    The point DCB is getting at here, is that guys like us (DCB, myself and others) absolutely love the “possible” physique of a young legal adult. Simple statistics. Younger women have the greatest capacity to have the best physique. That doesn’t mean that all young women are physically attractive, or that all older women are not, just as a whole younger women have more banging bodies. I feel dirty everytime I drive by the local highschool and the girls cross country team is out running. I mean damn.

    The downside of course is the utter vapid lack of depth *most* young women have. Again, statistically speaking, people who have more experience and more education are capable of being more intellectually stimulating. That can be a turn on. However, if you’re fat but you have a great personality you fall under the old saying, “Fucking a fat chick is like riding a scooter. YEah it’s fun, but you don’t want to be seen in public with either.”

    I’m with DCB, I like the hardbodied college (I feel shame saying this) and late high school aged girls sexually. There are probably plenty that have awesome personalities too. Furthermore, you can save money by not having to take them to bars and buy them drinks.

    What a digression, my dick has written this entire comment.

  13. nabeel

    by the way, I know some 30-year old women that are waaaaay better looking than that 2nd picture. I mean, I thought they were 24 until they told me they’re 30+. jaw droppers for sure 😉

  14. tommy

    DCB you rock man! keep bloggin:-)

    OBTW there’s some chicks in there 30’s and even 40’s that are still hot. It’s all a matter of not getting lazy and letting yourself go:-)

  15. LB

    Everyone knows that women look their best between the ages of 23 and 26.

    An 18-year-old still walks like a little boy and talks like an idiot. But if that’s your thing … all the power to you, my friend.


    Lonnie Bruner

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