THE SENATOR’S MATCH.COM PROFILE!

First off I’d like to thank the person who sent this in. You have really done the women of DC a great service. Secondly I would like to thank God for bestowing me with material and humor that writes itself. For one day I don’t have to come up with something original.

Some of you new kids don’t know who the Senator is. Him and his crew of flunkies ran a blog titled “Cleveland Park Mens Club.” It celebrated “manliness,” “gentlemanly honor,” and “male friendship”. It featured stories about steak dinners and photos of the Senator and his girlfriend, The Florist. Consequently, the blog became a very efficient training ground for DC blog trolls. I strongly recommend you read the CPMC Wiki, which was created as a chronological monument to the idiocy of the CPMC. In it you will learn how the Senator did some not-so-smooth trolling of his own. The drama got so absurdly big that two CPMC bashing posts here got over 160 comments total (High Tide, Mission Accomplished).

Here is the Senator’s match.com profile. If you don’t have an account, try to login with thesenator3/owned. Allow me to offer possible translations:

He says: “Body type: Athletic and toned”
What he really means: :fat:

He says: “I hate describing myself. It feels weird. So, I’ll tell you what my good friends say: They would describe me as driven, ambitious, outgoing, energetic, and fun to be around. Maybe a bit senatorial, but jovial and always honest. Never do I put someone down, rarely am I negative, and always am I up for some fun.”

What he really means: “I hate describing myself because it brings me down. So, I’ll tell you what my internet trolls say: They would describe me an a haughty-taughty attention whore who pretends to be big in politics. I call myself the Senator because my mother would always tell me as a kid that I have to fake it until I can make it. I used to put people down on the internet quite regularly, or at least try, but I was owned so many times that I had to shut down my boys club website because of the constant humiliation.”

He says: “Wit and personality is extremely important–a girl has to be able to take a joke and keep up. No double standards! If you can dish it out, be able to take it.”

What he really means: “Wit and personality is extremely important to me because I have so little of it. I need you to pick up the slack. Back when I had my blog, I ran out of ideas pretty damn quick and posted a bunch of sports filler that wasn’t well received except by one man who goes by the handle CatCiao. I hope you can take some verbal abuse because I can not. I cried lawsuit when people wrote things that hurt my feelings, using information I gleaned from Google searches. I quit when the heat gets too hot.”

He says: “I’m a lawyer who doesn’t like law firms, so I work with non-profits.”

What he really means: “I’m not utilizing my law degree to its full monetary potential.”

I feel sorry that the Senator is having such a hard time meeting women that he has to go on match.com. It wasn’t long ago that he would wax poetic about his beautiful, perfect girlfriend. Example:

And, then I was witness to one of the classiest things I had ever seen. Upon taking our seats, I was not pleased with our placement. For what was paid, I expected better. She deserved better. In a feigned attempt to “buy binoculars,” [The Florist] quickly made friends with the elderly ushers, and told them of our “anniversary.” Her beauty and kindness was well received. They quickly escorted us to our new orchestra seats. Incredible. She charmed them, and in the process nearly floored me.

I wonder if he was again floored when she dumped him. Toodaloo!

Postscript: The Senator retaliates…

40 thoughts on “THE SENATOR’S MATCH.COM PROFILE!

  1. Murdoc

    A bleeding pansy, that one is.

    One point, DCB my man – barristers who aren’t practicing law usually didn’t choose their lot.

  2. Anonymous

    I had cancelled this account but damn you, you made me go log back in again to go and look at this.

    Words escape me to describe this guy. Who the hell talks about taking a joke and dishing things out in a profile? Projecting much? He’s telegraphing that he’s an asshole, and that you’re supposed to be okay with it.

    Incredible.

  3. cpmc wiki

    The wiki has been updated to reflect this latest development. If someone can find the senator’s profile in their browser cache, please upload it to the wiki.

  4. Who Knew?

    Not to point out the obvious but this is bold coming from a guy who wears a headband, doesn’t shower and has a unibrow. Not that your appereance really bothered me but if you’re throwing stones buddy, maybe you should take it up a notch. And to think I found your jokes amusing but that was jealousy I guess.

    I’m thinking your life is fairly dull if this is what you’re still writing about. Nothing new huh? I’ll give you a story, ready: I hear the 80’s are making a comeback. Maybe you can write about your Members Only jacket that matches your headband.

  5. Matt

    I don?t really know Adam and his other “supporters” and I missed most of this battle, but I must say this.

    Your comments reveal to me that everything DCB despises about you is true. You respond with these childish cheap shots about people?s looks and what they wear, and you continue to fuel what it is that everyone hates about you. If you would just once respond in an intelligent way I am sure everyone would get bored.

    The reason DCB continues to pick on you is because of your ridiculously shallow and fabricated personality. It is clear from everything you write that you are a complete fake, and even though you have been called out repeatedly and deep down you know you are a fake, the act continues.

    I would have never written this had you not resorted to insulting the looks of smash, and what DCB wears, you are a child.

  6. Who Knew?

    Sorry not adam but explain this to me:

    “If you would just once respond in an intelligent way I am sure everyone would get bored.”

    Suggestion. Before you start, slow down, say the words out loud, then type. That’s a good monkey.

  7. O-face

    Wow, total character assasination. I don’t know dude so I’ll give him the benefit of doubt, just because I’m kind of grown and reading this kind of made me feel like I was in high school again. But it sounds like you need to take this guy out and beat him with rulers until hair grows on his chest. But I’m laughing my ass off outside, cringing with fear inside at DCB wrath (I take its, not wise to piss you off?). Someone take CPMC to the hospital because I think he got bit by something with pure venom.

  8. nabeel

    hahahah yikes… to this Adam-fella-whoever-he-might-be, if he is still reading these comments: I advise you to MOVE OUT OF THIS CITY AT ONCE! Out of the country would even be better. Maybe go through a witness-protection procedure? Go, before they humilate you some more.

    Of course, DCB wouldn’t want this because it’ll take away the fun 😉

  9. Matt

    Ha, I knew that would get to you….and I meant everyone would get bored with picking on you. If you just stopped responding with these childish comments everyone would forget about you and leave you alone. You keep feeding the fire.

  10. The Senator

    Please don’t laugh at me. I just wanted to get more attention. I was trying to get lucky and hook up with a few males and maybe I could have gotten lucky.

  11. Anonymous

    I have a theory… perhaps this guy didn’t break up with The Florist… and perhaps he isn’t such a “gentleman” afterall.

    Maybe he was picking up fat chicks on the web by day, while picking the florist’s flowers at night.

    And now he’s praying to Jesus that The Florist does not read DCB.

  12. Another Anon

    Adam if you had any sense of pride you would just friggin ignore DCB finally.

    Luckily for us though you still read the comments, they still get under your skin, we still know it’s you, and there is still endless entertainment to be had at your expense. Yay!

  13. Adam

    Hey, DCB, what do you want me to do with the girls that wink at you? I can email them to you if you’d like. Please advise.

  14. Anonymous

    The senator’s retaliations are pitiful. Being caught on Match is a joke, and posting DCB’s pic isn’t much of a comeback. Adam needs to leave Washington at once – how much shame can one person take?

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