I’d like to announce a new business I have started: the DC Puppy Rental Service.

A couple years ago I walked with a friend and his puppy on the University of Maryland campus. To my surprise, many women would come up to him and start a conversation. My friend just smirked to me as each random girl walked up to us, because to him it was just a normal thing to meet beautiful women while walking his dog.

Not one to do things the hard way, I started borrowing other people’s puppies to meet women. (I noticed that I get much more attention when the puppy was young as opposed to full grown.) With the many numbers I got from each “outing”, I only had to use a puppy once every other month. And it’s not because I’m a super pimp-daddy; any personable guy can easily segue the initial conversation about dogs into a more personal interaction that ends with an email address or phone number. This is one of the best ways to get women to approach you because the dog acts as an ice breaker. Without a dog that hot blonde wouldn’t even give you a single look, but with it she now considers you for sex.

The puppies in the rental service are humanely cared for by my dog-lover partner. When the puppies grow into adults and lose most of their cuteness, they will be adopted into loving homes. I preferred to start a kitty rental service because of my love of cats, but early experiments have shown that cats do not like to be leashed and walked. Plus more women are allergic to cats than dogs.

Right now we have two puppies that you can rent.

The first is Johnson.

Johnson is very quiet, so he will pose a slight challenge to girls who try to give him love. This dog would work well if you are a little on the shy side because your personalities will “match”.

The other puppy is Steve.

Steve is a little on the destructive side but that’s not going to matter much when you’re out with him. (His sister on the left is not currently available for rent because of health issues.)

The rental price for a weekday is $30. For a weekend day rental it is $65. This service allows you to get the most out of puppy ownership (attention from women) without the hassle of actually having to take care of it. I plan to have about 8-10 puppies in rotation by the fall.

“How about if I actually date one of the women and she asks what happened to the dog?” The best way around this is to say you bought it with your ex-girlfriend and that you share partial custody of the dog. Make up a custody dispute story. Be creative.

Upon rental I will provide you a list of great places to walk your rented puppy depending on the kind of women you desire (young co-eds, career women, nature lovers, etc). If you are interested, simply e-mail [email protected] with your first puppy choice and the day you would like to rent it. After receiving a 50% initial payment through PayPal, I will confirm your rental with instructions on pick-up location and time. If you’re the guy that is still trying to date women by going to loud clubs, then this is definitely worth a try.


  1. Anonymous

    this is the worst idea ever. If you really care about animal, you will stop this buisness now. Animals are not objects. Promote rescues, foster animals, but don’t “rent a dog” ugh.

  2. Anonymous

    what the hell is this………..

    is this for real?

    this is sick and problematic in so many levels.
    are you fucking kidding me?

    If you don’t think this is problematic, then you’re an ignorant kid who knows jackshit. This is straight up abuse of your privilege.

    Animals aren’t objects. Have you even thought about what you’re gonna do when it gets…. LARGER?! Or when it’s no longer a pup? And do you even think about the repercussions of this?

    Straight up selfish.

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