I’d like to announce a new business I have started: the DC Puppy Rental Service.
A couple years ago I walked with a friend and his puppy on the University of Maryland campus. To my surprise, many women would come up to him and start a conversation. My friend just smirked to me as each random girl walked up to us, because to him it was just a normal thing to meet beautiful women while walking his dog.
Not one to do things the hard way, I started borrowing other people’s puppies to meet women. (I noticed that I get much more attention when the puppy was young as opposed to full grown.) With the many numbers I got from each “outing”, I only had to use a puppy once every other month. And it’s not because I’m a super pimp-daddy; any personable guy can easily segue the initial conversation about dogs into a more personal interaction that ends with an email address or phone number. This is one of the best ways to get women to approach you because the dog acts as an ice breaker. Without a dog that hot blonde wouldn’t even give you a single look, but with it she now considers you for sex.
The puppies in the rental service are humanely cared for by my dog-lover partner. When the puppies grow into adults and lose most of their cuteness, they will be adopted into loving homes. I preferred to start a kitty rental service because of my love of cats, but early experiments have shown that cats do not like to be leashed and walked. Plus more women are allergic to cats than dogs.
Right now we have two puppies that you can rent.
The first is Johnson.
Johnson is very quiet, so he will pose a slight challenge to girls who try to give him love. This dog would work well if you are a little on the shy side because your personalities will “match”.
The other puppy is Steve.
Steve is a little on the destructive side but that’s not going to matter much when you’re out with him. (His sister on the left is not currently available for rent because of health issues.)
The rental price for a weekday is $30. For a weekend day rental it is $65. This service allows you to get the most out of puppy ownership (attention from women) without the hassle of actually having to take care of it. I plan to have about 8-10 puppies in rotation by the fall.
“How about if I actually date one of the women and she asks what happened to the dog?” The best way around this is to say you bought it with your ex-girlfriend and that you share partial custody of the dog. Make up a custody dispute story. Be creative.
Upon rental I will provide you a list of great places to walk your rented puppy depending on the kind of women you desire (young co-eds, career women, nature lovers, etc). If you are interested, simply e-mail [email protected] with your first puppy choice and the day you would like to rent it. After receiving a 50% initial payment through PayPal, I will confirm your rental with instructions on pick-up location and time. If you’re the guy that is still trying to date women by going to loud clubs, then this is definitely worth a try.
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You should be careful with that, Bach.
There is a fine line of perception between a man with puppies because he wants to meet beautiful women, and a man with puppies because he’s a pedophile.
Just as long as you aren’t cruising around in a windowless van with a shoebox of puppies, I don’t think there’ll be any danger of mistaken identity.
This idea really could work. I always fall for the puppy routine… What girl doesn’t LOVE puppies?
However, I think girls fall for the puppies not the guys. If the guy doesn’t have ‘it’ without the puppy, he doesn’t really have it with the puppy. He may get extra attention because of the puppy – maybe he’ll get a number because the girl wants to see the puppy again… But he’s not gonna get lucky if he doesn’t have what it takes without the puppy. Ha, hopefully that made sense…
Those pics are absolutely adorable. Can girls rent them just to play with them???
I’m struggling to believe this is real or a joke.
I have been told that full grown puppies are called dogs, a may be wrong about this though.
This without a doubt will work, regardless of what sara says. The thing is, many guys who “have it” will not be able to meet a large number of women in non “pick up” areas. Walking down the street, a guy who “has it” may catch the eye of a really attractive girl but nothing more will happen. The puppy guaruntees that these daily encounters will result in a definite opportunity to converse and to attempt to get a number. Sara misses the point, puppies don’t make guys better looking or cooler, they just guaruntee that girls will talk to you. So based on each guys personal standards and level of attractiveness, a puppy exponentially increases the pool of women realisticly available for dating. And on top of that it allows you to avoid trying to get a meaningful relationship at a club, which rarely ever works.
AAAAAwwwwwww, puppy!!! So cute…
It’ll work. These were my initial reactions to pics!
CAn we have anal with the Puppy?
That is not even funny
This is actually pretty genius. I really can’t think of a flaw. Perhaps you should feed them coffee and cigarettes to stunt their growth, thereby keeping them in puppy form indefinitely.
Say, 30 dollars for a weekday? does this apply to friday afternoons? I’m not going to let this opportunity go to waste while I’m a grad student at university of maryland…. so, where can I pick up the puppy?
oh there’s one little problem with that though… I don’t want the girls to think that it is MY puppy. so, I’ll just say that my friend is out of town and I’m babysitting the puppy for him. that’ll work 😉
Puppies do work – tried it a few times myself with a friend’s puppy.
What works so much better though are kids. Not your own of course, but a cousin’s say. One who has three super-cute kids who lived in Friendship Heights. Close enough you can pick them up, or she can put them on the Red Line for lunch hour downtown delivery, yet too far to worry about babysitting duty.
Take those kids out to a downtown park, say Dupont or Farragut, at lunchtime with a Frisbee and a ball & watch to women swoon. Best is when you get the 7 year old blonde boy to walk up to girls and say: “My uncle thinks your cute”.
Works every time.
I also think they could do this as a foster care program for those poor little puppies at the animal shelter.
Who would give it back knowing what would happen. But, at the same time its a good way to see if you and your new friend can live together.
Can I give head to the puppies if i pay for the rental fees?
Steve is the best one he is such a spunk pup
What about food and poop-scooping and all those other wonderful things that come with puppy care?
I would like 101 dalmation puppies!
Kids work better than puppies. But more of a headache. Puppies are a good call.
And those two are just so darn cute.
See? Once again, we are venturing into pedophile territory…
haha I like this plan, but do you recommend putting a sweater on the puppy?
Sweet mother of God.
When I initially saw “DC Puppy Rental,” I thought DCB was referring to “puppy” as in Kathryn and the girls “Puppy,” which lead me to wonder…just how young can you go on this? Dogs. You meant dogs. Oh, well.
Puppy Rental Service
Back before my wingman dumped me, he and I hatched the ultimate pick-up plan, a puppy rental service. That’s right, what could be a better prop to pick up the chicks than a cute puppy? One that will get all…
30 bucks seems kinda steep for what is essentially some digits. So gimme stats. Which pup has the better average, Johnson or Steve?
I don’t care if this is real or a joke, it’s fantastic. Best post I’ve read in a week, anywhere.
A few years ago i was in OC my roommate had just gotten a pupppie and i wasnt 3 feet out the door when a group of girls just about tackled me…works every time
The best story to have when you’re walking the rent-a-pup is that “I’m taking care of my friend’s dog for the day/weekend.” That will
a) show you love animals
b) are a great friend, and
c) explain why the dog isn’t around when she comes over to shag.
After she comes over to shag, I would just tell her the dog died and that I am too depressed to ever see her again, or, at least until I find a new dog.
More fuel for your anti flip-flop campaign!
Cubie – the female version of my kinda Puppy is Kitty. Female version of Tadpole is Guppy.
But I was hoping hoping hoping I could find a new Puppy here…
The puppies are cute. I would give a guy a second look if he were walking around with a puppy.
Phil mentions pedophilia twice. This does make one wonder.
Kids don’t work. Kids are scarey and make me run far far away. Puppies…maybe, but I would definitely grant the puppy more attention than the date-desperate male at the other end of the leash.
Just pointing out the obvious, Fred.
Yes please , I’ll take the first one!!
… guess I’ll have to find a new idea for my innovation course project. damnit.
Hate to break it to you DCB, but I rented 2 puppies for this same reason back in 1992. You obviously heard of my legendary exploits and wanted to claim it as your own. Nice try, but you are no original.
[…] me of DC Bachelor’s old posts. I came across this one describing his newly-launched Puppy Rental Service. A few years ago (Summer of 2004 to be exact) I came up with a simila […]
This is so wrong on so many different levels.
what is wrong with you!
This is obviously for people who can’t get a date and need to use innocent dogs so they could attract the opposite sex.
I seriously hope this website is a joke!!
this is fucking disgusting.
puppies should be loved and cared for, not rented out to loser guys who can’t get girls on their own.
yeah… a REALLY great idea.
…but what about the dog?
i’m a nineteen year old girl, (if you want, you can even check me out on myspace: myspace.com/bri047) and if i EVER found out that a guy i knew had rented a puppy for a day for that purpose, i’d bitch slap him upside the head, never talk to him again, and probably spread rumors about him having STD’s.
for free you can go to a reputable breeder, buy a pup, and return within 72 hours and get a full refund!!!!
why pay rent, idiots????
(and this was a joke message, pups should bond with their forever families whenever possible as young as possible)
when of age, of course…usually 8 wks or older
oooooooo I Want To rent ONe Please fart heads THANKS
my friends and I ALWAYS take notice to puppies (and dogs!) around the city… this is a great idea, guys.
[…] ago Roosh V., aka DC Bachelor, penned a hilarious and memorable post about his plan for a DC Puppy Rental Service as a way to meet women. Well, guess what? In surfing some NYC blogs this weekend, we came across […]
i was wondering if you could rent a puppy for a day and a night?
because i go to a fund raiser for cancer survivers called “relay for life” and you have to walk around a track all night and each team must have a booth to raise money for there team and i know some of the people would love to be able to play and/or walk a puppy?
[…] For those of us who aren’t Paris Hilton, I suggest going to a shelter, becoming a foster parent to a rescued dog, or, I don’t know, conider making friends with someone who has a dog. And I don’t mean this guy. […]
this is the worst idea ever. If you really care about animal, you will stop this buisness now. Animals are not objects. Promote rescues, foster animals, but don’t “rent a dog” ugh.
EngaGD himamaster hi
what the hell is this………..
is this for real?
this is sick and problematic in so many levels.
are you fucking kidding me?
If you don’t think this is problematic, then you’re an ignorant kid who knows jackshit. This is straight up abuse of your privilege.
Animals aren’t objects. Have you even thought about what you’re gonna do when it gets…. LARGER?! Or when it’s no longer a pup? And do you even think about the repercussions of this?
Straight up selfish.