One of the tests I do when talking to a girl in a club is completely shutup about 3-5 minutes into our conversation. I want to see if she’s capable of keeping it going on her own because experience tells me that dates with girls who can’t are usually boring.

So I’m talking to a girl, telling her how I’m a cool guy since I shower daily, and then suddenly I go silent. I just stare at her, like a kitty cat but a lot tougher. Half of the girls will go silent themselves and gradually turn towards their friends. They stand around and give you the chance to start it up again for a minute or two, but will give up on you if you don’t. They will definitely be receptive if you resume conversation, but why should you? The object of the test is to screen out these girls.

The other half start asking you questions. I swear to god they must get all their questions from a lame web site because it’s the same shit all the time: “Where do you live?”, “Where are you from?”, “What do you do?”, and of course the “Do you come here often?” The other night a girl asked me if I was a United States citizen. :huh:

The second half get points for effort so I help them out and get it going again, but seriously, what’s with the closed-ended questions? The first thing a pimp learns is to ask OPEN-ENDED questions. It’s really not a hard concept, even asking “What is your favorite kind of music?” will go much farther then asking me if I’m a naturalized citizen or not. About 2% of the time you will get a winner on your hands, a girl who can hold a conversation, take it in interesting directions, and stimulate you at the same time (i.e. give you an erection). Unfortunately these girls are pretty rare.

People will generally think that girls are awesome at conversation because they are able to talk so much. But this is only with people they know, not with strangers. A real test of your conversational skills is being able to connect with someone who has a different background you have. I don’t go to a yuppie club and talk about European culture, I talk about my ambition and I how I paid full price for my New Balance sneakers.


  1. Cleveland Park Men's Club

    DJRH, You are getting good at using your paint program. but, um, you don’t have dreds… ?
    Whatever. This post is dead balls accurate. I think the CPMC is going to start having rose ceremonies to do the weeding out.

  2. nabeel

    if a girl asks me about global warming, it’ll get me started on it and I can go all night about the topic

  3. James

    I dunno. The paint seems to be getting too good. Looks airbrushed to me. Keep it real!

    You can’t just measure a girl based on her ability to hold a conversation. Some girls just never shut up. You could leave to get a drink and they won’t even notice cuz they’re too busy yapping about their life as an orphan or something dumb.

    The interesting girls (and people too) are rare in life.

  4. DCB Post author

    lol a day after announcing a group to keep it real, im caught not keeping it real. πŸ™‚

    I graduated from MS paint a while ago and use photoshop, BUT I ONLY USE THE PAINT BRUSH TOOL. It looks more smooth cause the brush hardness is not 100%. Plus with layers i can add more detail without it taking hours. Still, simple drawings like the one above take about an hour to develop and complete.

    The pope drawing took forever.

  5. Eric

    I just ask girls what they think about my cool muscles, that usually keeps them yapping for hours. Gives me time to down a few drinks.

  6. James

    Cleveland: Agreed, but it’s far easier to assume the majority of women are not good conversationalists. Just saves time. Kinda like that one Dilbert comic where Dilbert decides to pre-hate everyone.

    DCB: I can’t believe you sold out. It’s okay, we all do it. The bling was a dead giveaway though.

  7. Kanan

    girls never ask me the citizenship question..because its pretty obvious from my foreign boy accent.

  8. Anne-Marie

    Its all about the chemistry and if I wasn’t feeling it with a guy I wouldn’t be on for standing there talking shite with him. As for the citizenship question – you are lucky you escaped from that one!!!

  9. jessa j

    whenever i get the “silent test” from a guy at a bar around here i automatically assume they are too drunk to put together any two words other than “my,” “place,” and “now.” however on second examination i have come to the conclusion that any girl that is not capable of passing this test is a) not interested AT ALL or b) not interesting AT ALL. seriously, not even a little. i could keep a conversation going with a gad damned harp seal if i wanted to. if i were to ever run into you and have the pleasure of “the test” i think i would bust out something along the lines of “do you know what the most dangerous shark in the world is” or “do you like the taste of agar gel” maybe i’d fish for the occasional compliment by saying “you keep staring at my bangs becasue you think they are awesome, don’t you?” i am, afterall, a female in the end. hopefully these ice breakers would lead to great stimulationg conversation peppered with comments such as “i have my scuba certification to!” or “i won first place in my eighth grade science fair.” and maybe “yes, i do like your bangs….alot.”


  10. Aja504

    Pimps have a technique? Since when does a Pimp have to think about asking any question? All you do is say “Get heya (pronounced he-y-aaahh) beyotch”. Work on it and evenutally the whole conversation thing will become useless.

  11. Chris

    dude dont pick up girls at night clubs. If u want a relationship then ask girls at work or some of your old friends, or college girls. I hate night clubs. Every girl i ever picked up in there was a totall bimbo with no intelligence or conversaational skills whatsoever. I met my girlfriend at college at quantum physics 101. If u want a babe that is cute, smart, and has some out of this world conversations check out the physics major chicks.

  12. Stephanie

    You keep stratifying everything by gender. Sure, there are girls who probably aren’t good conversationalists, but there are guys like that, too. In general, girls probably tend to be more conversant.

    I would say that you were onto something if you said that a surprising number of PEOPLE can’t maintain an interesting conversation.

    Also, how can you be sure that the girls aren’t continuing the conversation because they have nothing to say? I’m not trying to be a bitch, but instead of making a blanket statement like “girls are horrible conversationalists”, maybe you should consider the fact that some of them just aren’t that into you. I am sure that you aren’t interested in having a conversation with every girl that approaches you either.

  13. Ofelia

    Regarding the conversation issue, I completely feel you, though for me its the opposite, its moron men that have nothing to say and seem to only have one direction. I work my butt off all week and when the weekend hits I want to enjoy myself and not speak about work, so the chances that I will ask you what you do is not happening, but the opposite happens to me. There is not one night that passes when I’m out and some idiot will ruin my night by asking “what do you do?” fine I answer and quickly shut up, but no he continues “so what exactly is it that you do?” I’m like who cares. The guys that interest me are the ones that have something funny to say and are able to experience the moment and have a good time, I truly do not care what you do for a living, I haven’t made up my mind if I even want to see you again.

  14. Dude

    Is there not something to be said for the role of chemistry and common interests? I suppose a great conversationalist can converse with just about anyone about just about anything. By that definition, I am not one, but I’ve had great conversations with interesting people with whom I have something in common. The What do you do? Where are you from? queries may be basic but they serve the purpose of establishing a basis for talking further. If a woman resents that kind of “foundational” question or finds it unimpressive, she’s not going to find out how interesting, original, and funny some guys are. The odds of my making a woman laugh increase a lot if I know a little something about her.

  15. spcwby

    Translation of common phrases from woman-speak into English.

    After all is said and done, it really is in the translation.


    Woman-speak: “Of course I don’t mind if you…”
    English: “You bet your fucking ass I DO mind. Go ahead, you WILL pay later…”

    Woman-speak: “Do you like it?”
    English: “Fucker, if you do NOT notice my new hairstyle/shoes/mail order catalogue/wall paper/trashy little knicknack/ you are fucking DEAD!

    Woman-speak: “You are an asshole”
    English: “I will be fucking your brains out in 5 minutes”

    Woman-speak: “Do you remember when you got me this?”
    English: “I KNOW you don’t remember, you moron, I’m just enjoying seeing you sweat…”

    Woman-speak: I don’t love you any more.
    English: You are broke, out of work, anyway I’m fucking somebody else now…

    Woman-speak: “We need to talk.”
    English: “I need to waste your time.”

    Woman-speak: “We need to talk.”
    English: “I need to cut your balls off and tell you for the 1,000th time how you do not live up to my standards and nag you eternally and try to change you because I am a shrewish cunt. This will undoubtedly give me a stress headache – you won’t be getting any pussy tonight.”

    Women-speak: “I’m tired.”
    English: “I’m blaming you unfairly for my weight gain and my self-image problems, and you won’t be getting any pussy tonight.”

    Woman-speak: “Let’s just meet for coffee.”
    English: “You won’t be getting any pussy tonight.”

    Woman-speak: “Oh, I don’t care what we do.”
    English: “Even if you read my mind and figure out exactly what I want, the odds of you getting any pussy tonight are 115:1.”

    Woman-speak: “You like that football sweatshirt because you went to school there, right?”
    English: “I tell all my friends you dress like a fucking slob and I’ll be engaging in my manipulative ‘you need to wear what I say is good or you won’t get any pussy tonight’ behavior soon.”

    Woman-speak: “Are you going to wear that shirt to the wedding?”
    English: “I know these are the clothes I fell in love with you in, but now that I want to own you, they just won’t do. Being the bossy cunt that I am, I need to re-do your entire wardrobe. I’ll be too tired tonight from shopping to suck your dick for the next 15 years.”

    Woman-speak: “Do I look fat in this?”
    English: ” I need CREDIBLE reassurance that I am NOT a 350lb MacDonalds hog, with a sagging gut and dropping ass…”

    Woman-speak: “I love you”
    English: “You are quite a good fuck, and are solvent. My pussy is yours until something better comes along.”
    English (alternative): “I want something from you.”

    Woman-speak: “How thoughful of you!”
    English: “Pussy whipped asshole, you are gonna have to do a LOT better than that to get some this year, let alone tonight. Suck up HARDER!”

    Woman-speakS: Are you coming to bed now?
    English: I’m going to tease you with sex to get you to drop whatever you’re doing, come up stairs, and cuddle me, but you’re still not getting any pussy.

    Woman-speak: “You are not the man I married”
    English: “In spite of years of manipulation, ridicule and doing my best to mind fuck you on a daily basis to change you into what I want, you have resisted me. Fuck you, no more sex, get out of my life…”

    Woman-speak: “I do”
    English: “No more blowjobs”

    Woman-speak: “I can’t find a good man to marry”
    English: “I wasted my life focusing on my hate for men, and now I am fucked, the women’s movement has destroyed my life”

  16. spcwby

    Senor Slade,

    Not only do girls conversation skill suck, but their knowledge of their own body (re sensual/sexual) is beyond pathetic!
    Geeez….after 40+ girl friends (ranging from late teens to milf’s, single/divorced/ect) and 400+ dates (for naysayers in the crowd, I a quite a bit older than the median age here)…I’d have to be pressed to say that 10%, or less of the available girls, had a clue how to be a woman.
    Such levels of Histrionic, and Narcissistic behaviours (and reinforced by publications as Cosmo, and the assortment) are the de facto standard for most women in America.
    Unbelieveable minimalistic knowledge of how a girl can have (much less enjoy) sex!

    Just my views on this side of the pond…..

  17. anonymous

    Dude, if you just quit talking and stare—its quite possible she thinks you are a weirdo….just a thought. I mean I would….

  18. spcwby

    Ms Anonmous

    If there is one activity that freaks out your gender is when a man listens, w/out talking, and communicates. As most males are hardwired to get the ‘last word’ in…thereby deconstructing any potential. Perhaps an issues, evolving from their mother’s input? No idea, just an observation.

    Communication via the eyes (and occasional hand gestures) is not something women deal well with.

    Perhaps you could enlighten me as to that aspect?

    Along the same lines is when a man appears disinterested (glancing elsewhere, especially making contact with a woman who is not the most attractive within a group) that a woman goes into competitive mode. Every time!

    Old Buddist saying: “We have two ears, two eyes, and one mouth. Therefore we should hear twice as much, see twice as much, and speak half as much.
    Sadly, humans will do the inverse….”

    btw Happy Holidays (and that does not mean “Shop till ya drop”) to you and your loved ones!

  19. anon

    Some women are just clueless. I remember one woman telling telling me her salary (which was not that great) within five minutes of me meeting her. What the h*** made her think that that was a good topic of conversation? I feel for the woman who posted a complaint about men talking about their work. Whether you’re a man or a woman, if you want to make an impression, you should be able to speak about something interesting that doesn’t involve your job, politics, or religion!

  20. Anonymous


    your list of translations is beyond stereotypical and retarded, no wonder after 400+ dates, you still can’t settle down and see all women as dumb fucks. i think the problem here is you, either you always shell out for the same dumb girl or the girls with class and knowledge don’t give a dime’s worth of interest in you.

  21. spcwby

    Anonymous…Bless you for your insight.

    Now others might resort to graphic bodily descriptions of yourself. Not I, as you will accomplish that far better than any enemy.

    “The moment of enlightenment is when a person’s dreams of possibilities become images of probabilities.” – Vic Braden –

    Alas, it does not take much for even you to realize that you are beyond clueless. Oh, toast too!

    Happy New Year Sweetie….Its all down hill (descending phase) from here on, enjoy the journey!

  22. Anonymous

    I have found a GREAT website. It is perfect for women like you.

    It is In order to be able to join you have to be Rich OR Beautiful.
    The members can rate your picture and if they think you have beautiful, you will become a member for FREE. Isn’t that interesting?

    The men HAVE to be rich to be a member. Is that MORE interesting?

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