Lesson 1: Respect the hate. Treat it like you would sculpture or modern architecture.
I play the hate game for the inherent art and beauty in hurting other people’s feelings. I don’t do it to wield some imaginary “blog power” that comes with running an ultra-successful blog that can make women cry with a single post.
Lesson 2: Be patient. Wait in the grass like a snake.
Proper hating is 90% waiting and 9% attacking. The other 1% is looking through the thesaurus to find synonyms for such words as “retard” and “attention-whore.” Strike too early and you appear psychopathic, but strike too late and you miss valuable opportunities to take down your opponent. The best part of hating is the anticipation before striking.
Lesson 3: Master the art of surprise. Rewards come to those who unleash emotional destruction when it’s least expected.
Last year I announced my DCist hate, but that was lame of me because I gave them time to mentally prepare for my hateful omnipotence (observe the use of thesaurus). Don’t tell anyone you are going to attack unless you have troll fighters that believe in your cause.
Lesson 4: Get mad. For your hating to be congruent, you must genuinely have the hate inside you.
You can’t fake hate. It has to deep inside you from years of when your mom beat you with a broom and said, “I wish you didn’t come out of my hole.” If you are a person who always has to be “nice,” then fuck off because you can’t play this game.
Lesson 5: Do some research. A little personal information goes a long way.
I’m not referring to private investigator type of information, but something the target has put up but long forgotten. For instance if your target blogged about getting dumped several months ago, it will be helpful if you bring that up. Example: “Oh, is my hate making you upset, like when you got dumped several months ago? Loser.”
Lesson 6: Execute. Your ultimate goal is to get the person to change their behavior as a result of your hating.
Execution is usually the easiest step. The only variable here is deciding if you want to deliver your hate anonymously or not. I’ve found that anonymous haters have a very short shelf-life. Put your name to the hate so you get recognized as a weird individual instead of just another internet troll.
Lesson 7: Blowback. People like the hate, not the hater.
Pathetic groupies of your target usually come out after a hater event with the standard stock insults: “You must have too much time on your hands,” “What’s wrong with you,” “You are petty,” and “Did you get dropped on your head as a child?” Secretly they like your hate but can never admit it. It’s human nature to love conflict.
Lesson 8: Live by the sword, die by the sword.
There will be individuals who give you a taste of your own medicine. As long as you accept that you are not invincible and will be owned, don’t cry like a little bitch when a picture of you and your secret gay lover is plastered all over the internet.