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MARRIAGE ALTERNATIVES

The institution of marriage is in need of major repair. Marriage is unadaptable, dated, and unable to deal with today’s fast-paced culture. Everyone in our generation is a unique snowflake, and it is insulting for us to accept the one-size-fits-all system that marriage offers. Is anyone surprised that marriage, an idea that hasn’t evolved in thousands of years, has a failure rate of 50%?

Say I was a man being nagged about marriage but I wasn’t so crazy about the idea. The practical solution is to have different marriage packages that suit my needs.

Pretend Marriage Package (short): You get a fake marriage certificate and pretend being married to your friends and coworkers just to see how it’s like.

Starter Marriage Package (tall): Your marriage contract lasts for only two years, whereby at the end of that time both parties must either agree to a two-year extension or upgrade to another package. The woman is not entitled to any sort of alimony payment upon a split. In the case of a child, the father gets automatic 50% visitation rights and judges are instructed to ignore everything a woman says during custody hearings (since they will be automatic lies). Child support is optional.

Progressive Package (grande): Your marriage contract lasts for five years, whereby they automatically renew unless you cancel (kinda like a porn site subscription). At the end of the contract a man can walk away without reason and not have to pay any alimony payments. Same rule applies above with regard to children.

Traditional Package (venti): Your marriage lasts “forever.” The man is not entitled to any basic rights in case of divorce. He can visit his child one day every two weeks. He is forced to subsidize his wife’s new life while living in a cheap apartment. He gives up half of his net worth, something he has spent his life building. He watches his children get brainwashed by the mother, who leaves them home alone while she goes on dates.

Anyone want to take a guess at the percentage of women who would pick the short-term packages? Zero. It’s easy to see that after sex, the only source of a woman’s power is making a man commit to her. Women only have as much power as you give them.

Some of you guys are in relationships. My advice to you is delay, delay, delay. I recommend you hold the olive branch of marriage above her head as long as you can. She will be like a dog jumping up trying to get the ball, waiting patiently until you give in. Marriage would benefit an in-demand man only if it was designed for him. It wasn’t. Don’t do it.

 
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72 Comments »
9 years, 4 months ago

Translation for Reality:

(Short)–Could be fun, entertaining, fling=fun

(Tall)–Yes, but no girl over 27 wants it…Why waste any time for no real committment…2 years wasted with someone who is going to leave…ugh-I’ll take 2 weeks any day over 2 years knowing they are leaving

(Grande)–That is kind of appealing–but if ONLY the girl can walk away too…with no alimony for the putz that now has the kids…bc she had the option to leave also.

(Venti)-Damn DCB–I have no comments for this one…Does this shit really happen? That is just sad, depressing and sick. I feel sad for the kids….the pathetic sack that ended up with such a loser woman and the woman who couldnt make the marriage work and the kids left to think “wow mommy and daddy suck!!”

HEY everyone—FREE love!!! Lets go back to the 70s with orgies and hippies and no committment..YAY!

I think once real love actually enters the picture…and not some falsified gay-ass FAKE/LUST love that the media makes you think is real….committment can work and be satisfying. Not saying I want it right now but not all couples are unhappy…

But that being said…I am anti-marriage anyway so I feel you…I just want the women to pack up and leave theyre newly fat, newly moronic husbands as well.

:-) Deal?

gisella
9 years, 4 months ago

Some men find marriage very satisfying. In my personal opinion, I think our gender roles have become so interchanged and that is the issue. It is not uncommon to see women completely dedicated to their careers and children and ignore their husbands, and how they look. I can only say that taking on a more traditional role has helped my own marriage. I always look made up when my husband comes home, I cook dinner everynight, I don’t compete with my husband, and I don’t with hold sex ever. Instead I just try to be the perfect wife and in return he is the perfect husband. I think we have a great marriage which is fullfilling to both of us, he gets all his needs met and I get all mine met. Also what women don’t realize is that with holding sex is incredibly damaging. Men see sex like food, it’s just a natural hunger for them, and to keep it from is forcing them to starve and it erodes them, slowing chipping away at their dignity and happiness. I have been married almost 5 years and so far the above advice has worked for me. While today’s society can make marriage more difficult, that is no excuse to have a less than perfect marriage. I am not suggesting women quit their jobs and act like a 50s housewife, I am just suggesting that if your husband or boyfriend treats you wonderfully you should understand what makes him feel wonderful. Men are simple creatures they just want to be 1)appreciated 2)sex 3)an attractive wife.

Anonymous
9 years, 4 months ago

AMEN gisella, but I still like cooking for my girlfriend.

Anonymous
9 years, 4 months ago

Women: Just get pregnant. “Forget” your pill or just tell him you did and watch him sweat. Now who has the power?

9 years, 4 months ago

Gisella-I think you are exactly right…And I am sorry that I may be in the minority but I love sex…and more and more I am hearing of women in their twenties (hot non-annoying women) that want sex more than their boyfriends/husbands/whatever…So the tides are changing…While as a whole many men have more voracious appetities…for the women that can match AND suprass them…this is not an easy dilemna. Marriage seems to make men complacent about sex too…

9 years, 4 months ago

:rolleyes2: …all Persian guys are the same…

9 years, 4 months ago

Anon, that works… until he decides to kill you to get you and baby out of the way. Laci Peterson, anyone?

Anonymous
9 years, 4 months ago

why would anyone want to get married anyway? it’s just a piece of paper that entitles you to unequal taxes and laws. And kids? ick even worse. You forgot to include: the open marriage where you both want each other and having children will kill your spirit and bank accounts for traveling and living like your in love. Not because your forced to.

Anonymous
9 years, 4 months ago

Most guys will just cut you a nice check for the abortion clinic.

9 years, 4 months ago

It’s obvious DCB doesn’t know Jack Shit about marriage. If women only knew what marriage, childbirth and motherhood really entailed, they’d clamp their legs shut or become lesbians and the entire human race would die out.

Marriage was created by and for MEN. It is a way to obtain OWNERSHIP of women’s bodies and secure free sexual and domestic services from them (because they’d rather not pay).

Clever marketing has convinced all and sundry that marriage benefits women more than men. But the hard data is out, folks: MEN benefit from marriage most, while women suffer in every way except economically.

Ladies, if you’re thinking of marrying, read the book “Wife Work” first. Then think hard, real hard. You’ll be working your ass off for peanuts. Even in dual income marriages, women do about 80% of the houswork, and most of the childrearing. Cohabitating doesn’t help: In these situations women do about 75% of the housework, and generally contribute more $$$ to the running of the household.

Bottom line: For women, marriage and cohabitation with men are both scams all-around. Research shows that single, noncohabitating women are the happiest women (cohabitating women are the unhappiest). The happiest men are married, and the unhappiest men are single.

DO THE MATH for Chrissakes. Ladies, enjoy the sex and attention for as long as you can, but the minute they try to lay claim to your body and take advantage of your domestic goddess nature . . . RUN. JUST RUN THE FUCK AWAY.

That said, I’m all for marriage alternatives with the exception of DCB’s inane suggestion re: child support. Children already suffer emotionally from having ASSHOLE PARENTS; they shouldn’t have to suffer economically too.

The King Ad Rock
9 years, 4 months ago

This is just a ridiculous post overwhelmed by its own immaturity and boorishness. Marriage is not a corporate merger, nor is it similar to a professional sports contract where you play with a certain team for a couple of years and bolt for free agency (pissing off your old fans in the process). If you look at significant relationships and/or marriage this way, (1) you’re with the wrong people/person, or (2) you’re too young and emotionally immature to have a successful long-term relationship.

Simply, you should be best friends with the person that you marry. If not, don’t get married. Move on. The problem is that people marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons. If a person is only a single, double, or triple — MOVE ON. Marriage is a home run or nothing. Getting married for any other reason is a waste of both parties’ time, resources, and emotional stability (as well as the fact it takes them out of the game, and removes any chance of meeting a really match-worthy mate).

I’m incredulous that you have such a negative view about marriage, given that every study shows that (1) married people get laid way more often than single ones (easy to understand why), and (2) married sex is more satisfying. I’m married, and every night is like having a slumber party with your best friend. Marry for love and you don’t have to worry about this bullshit.

9 years, 4 months ago

Hedonistic-if I was gay…I would be in love with you. Great truths…unless there is mutual love, respect and truth(and sex :-))….marriage isnt going to work. I have high standards from watching my parents who STILL have the hots for each other and are sane and raised 4 kids TOGETHER…

Also the single, nonco-habiting thing is DEAD on…I love living alone. Hate sharing my space…if that makes me a selfish bi-atch, so be it. This way I can dance in my undies in front of the mirror before going out without any repurcussions.

gisella
9 years, 4 months ago

The King Ad Rock

I agree 100%. Marriage is one big slumber party. People who cannot understand it have just not met their match yet. When you meet the right person marriage makes sense.

nabeel
9 years, 4 months ago

I may get flak for this:

But I think there is nothing wrong with the CONCEPT (or institution, or whatever you call it) of marriage.

I believe what has gone terribly wrong with marriage in the USA is that people marry for the wrong reasons. Could be lust, fake plastic love driven by corporation capitalism to the extreme, accidental pregnancies, peer/family pressure, etc etc the list goes on. If it’s lust, then why not just take a time machine and go back to the ’70s?

I’m willing to bet that only maybe less than 10% actually marry out of compatibility, mutual love AND lust, respect. My own parents are still happily married, so I have high standards as well.

90% are stuck in miserable marriages where either the man or woman let themselves go and sex declines and they get lazy and bitter towards each other. More than half of these marriages end up in divorce, and the rest just keep going until one of them dies.

When I marry a girl, I will never let myself go, get lazy, and keep working on myself as when I am single, and allow myself my own space and herself her own space. We can live together and sleep in the same bedroom, but I want to have my own study room, and she can also have her own study if she chooses… and I can do whatever I want with my study, and the same for her. I will want to have a joint bank account, a separate bank account for myself and another one for herself… while we chip in a certain amount from our paychecks to the joint account, she can do whatever she wants with her OWN money and me with my OWN money. See how that works?

Most people don’t that…

9 years, 4 months ago

KassyK: Thanks! Suffice it to say I’ve “been there, done that.”

(I just checked out your site and – whee! Redheads rule! Since I’m with WordPress instead of Blogger though, I can’t post comments there. Or can I?)

nabeel
9 years, 4 months ago

AND by the way… when I get married, that does NOT mean I will stop dating…

….

my wife.

9 years, 4 months ago

Rolls eyes*

Spammity Calamity. ARe you not entertained? Are you not entertained?? Is this not why you are here????

Son, we live in a world that has rules, and those rules have to be guarded by men with blogs. Whose gonna do it? You, DCB? You, Trolls? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for singledom and you curse marriage. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That being married, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want to get married, you need to get married. We use words like Honey, Family time, Daycare. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very important institution that I honor, and then questions the manner in which I honor it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you attend a bachelor party, and get a lap dance. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

9 years, 4 months ago

Hedonistic-I need to adjust my template so that people can post anon or from another server…working on that. :-) And yes, like another lovely yet controversial blogger we know…Jessa J…Redheads do indeed-Rule. Working on a new post right now with pictures galore…

And Nabeel–I repeat what we briefly discussed earlier…I feel everything you just wrote. We can never take for granted that we grew up in a really really rare familiar situation…its called normalcy.

For people like us…we expect that for ourselves so the fear of finding someone who is “shallow” as DCB despises or “mechanical about emotions” as I think many people are…we need to keep looking…there are others out there…

9 years, 4 months ago

Truly spoken like people who have no idea what the Hell they’re talking about.

Chaco
9 years, 4 months ago

Nabeel my man, I agree with you 100%. Not only do people get married for the wrong reasons, once they are married they act like they “don’t have to try anymore.” They stop being affectionate, stop doing fun things together, stop staying in shape, stop dressing well, stop caring about pleasing sexually. If all that happens, then no wonder the passion fades and people fall out of love.

When I get married, I will keep myself in shape and I will expect my wife to. Anything less would disrespectful of the other partner. Moreover, I will contine to dress well, maintian my affection, be hot in bed, and do interesting things with her. I will expect a future wife to share the same committments. Anything less on her part and she will hear from me. (My girlfriend reads this site btw, hi sweetie!)

fanman
9 years, 4 months ago

I think that the vehicle that DCB is seeking for the creation of children already exists, but just needs to be adapted for this purpose: the CORPORATION. A marriage is basically a partnership agreement anyway (that seriously screws both parties), so why not go the extra step and limit your liability by forming an LLC? I need to do some research, but I’m pretty sure my way of popping the question will be “would you do me the honor of incorporating with me in the child production sector?”

9 years, 4 months ago

O face!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

9 years, 4 months ago

Reminder: Marriage has a failure rate of 50%. It’s a fact that every pro-marriage person in this thread has ignored. “But but it’s not going to happen to me.”

If you’re a man it’s like a roulette wheel… black or red… decides if your life will be brought to a halt.

9 years, 4 months ago

Sorry DCB, the statistic you quote is hyped and wrong. Like Bush Administration lies, when we hear the lie often enough we start to treat it as truth.

Approximate divorce rates (they vary from year to year and from state to state):

Divorce rate after 5 years: 25%
Divorce rate after 10 years: 30%
Divorce rate after 30 years: 40%

The highest divorce rates are in the conservative-republican red-state Bible Belt. The so-called “godless liberal” blue-state northeast has the lowest rate. So much for family values.

Blessedly, most divorces, if/when they occur, take place soon after marriage: Folks realize they made mistakes, and fix them. The longer you’re married, the more likely you’ll stay married. The most risky time for couples: About 4 years into the marriage after the babies are born. It’s the time when most women have just about HAD IT. Most divorces are initiated by women.

Breakup rate for cohabitating couples: Almost 100% after you account for the seniors who “can’t” get married lest they lose out on Social Security benefits.

This was my major in college; I oughta know.

nabeel
9 years, 4 months ago

hedonistic, what’s your source for these stats? I want to see it.

The King Ad Rock
9 years, 4 months ago

DCB — The 50% argument doesn’t work for a couple of reasons. First, the percentage is actually artifically inflated: it’s not true that 50% of all people that marry get divorced; rather, roughly 50% of all marriages fail. Quite frequently, the people who get divorced once actually end up going through multiple divorces (the “Elizabeth Taylor” effect). You actually see the same effect in abortion statistics (i.e., some women have multiple abortions, skewing the overall %). This means that actually less than 50% of all “first marriages” fail, so the risk isn’t as great as you claim.

Second, the most accurate jump shooter will only sink a shot from the floor 45% of the time, the most accurate free throw shooter will find the bucket only 80-85% of the time, and the Hall-of-Fame baseball player will only get a hit 33& of the time. The fact is, if you find the right girl or guy, it’s time to be a player and step up to the plate. Sure there’s risk, but you forget the risk in not taking the plunge and missing out on a special person who can add a whole lot to your life for a long time. Your theory is reminiscent of a little kid who refuses to play a game because there is no guarantee that they’ll win.

Of course, if you’re not certain about the person, don’t get married. I think the point is that you shouldn’t get married to someone for crap reasons; get married for the right reasons, even if it fails, it was worth it (even David Ortiz fails in the clutch every so often).

9 years, 4 months ago

Seriousily….DCB you make interesting claim about the divorce rate, but unfortunately, I feel your making it much more simplistic when its a very complex number.
1. Does it take in account all the people who got married because they knocked up the significant other.
2. Does it take in account the materialistic..hollywood value mindset of many modern day women. The woman that failed to mention that she has 60 grand worth of Credit Card debt.
3. Does it take in account that Men are ignorant to the fact about most women being part Mogwai and that many men fail to honor the 3 rules that you can’t break for your cute and cudly wife, or she will transform into vepid gremlin.

1a..So Don’t give them water
2b..Don’t feed them after midnite
3c..Don’t give them light, Credit Cards, Big House, realistic expectations, and any other element that recquires them to think bigger than themselves.

9 years, 4 months ago

Yeah and everyone who is currently married is happy right? There are no unhappy marriages, divorce rates are really low, women are never “not in the mood” when it comes to sex, warm meals are always ready when the man comes home, etc etc. Can I have more kool aid please.

9 years, 4 months ago

Data are boring. So here’s an article instead:

********
Divorce Rate: It’s Not as High as You Think
By DAN HURLEY
The New York Times
April 19, 2005

How many American marriages end in divorce? One in two, if you believe the
statistic endlessly repeated in news media reports, academic papers and
campaign speeches.

The figure is based on a simple – and flawed – calculation: the annual
marriage rate per 1,000 people compared with the annual divorce rate. In
2003, for example, the most recent year for which data is available, there
were 7.5 marriages per 1,000 people and 3.8 divorces, according to the
National Center for Health Statistics.

But researchers say that this is misleading because the people who are
divorcing in any given year are not the same as those who are marrying, and
that the statistic is virtually useless in understanding divorce rates. In
fact, they say, studies find that the divorce rate in the United States has
never reached one in every two marriages, and new research suggests that,
with rates now declining, it probably never will.

The method preferred by social scientists in determining the divorce rate is
to calculate how many people who have ever married subsequently divorced.
Counted that way, the rate has never exceeded about 41 percent, researchers
say. Although sharply rising rates in the 1970’s led some to project that
the number would keep increasing, the rate has instead begun to inch
downward.

“At this point, unless there’s some kind of turnaround, I wouldn’t expect
any cohort to reach 50 percent, since none already has,” said Dr. Rose M.
Kreider, a demographer in the Fertility and Family Statistics Branch of the
Census Bureau.

Two years ago, based on a 1996 survey, she and another demographer at the
bureau predicted that if trends then in place held steady, the divorce rate
for some age groups might eventually hit the 50 percent mark. But in
February, the bureau issued a new report, based on 2001 data and written by
Dr. Kreider.

According to the report, for people born in 1955 or later, “the proportion
ever divorced had actually declined,” compared with those among people born
earlier. And, compared with women married before 1975, those married since
1975 had slightly better odds of reaching their 10th and 15th wedding
anniversaries with their marriages still intact.

The highest rate of divorce in the 2001 survey was 41 percent for men who
were then between the ages of 50 to 59, and 39 percent for women in the same
age group.

Researchers say that the small drop in the overall divorce rate is caused by
a steep decline in the rate among college graduates. As a result, a “divorce
divide” has opened up between those with and without college degrees, said
Dr. Steven P. Martin, an assistant professor of sociology at the University
of Maryland.

“Families with highly educated mothers and families with less educated
mothers are clearly moving in opposite directions,” Dr. Martin wrote in a
paper that has not yet been published but has been presented and widely
discussed at scientific meetings.

As the overall divorce rates shot up from the early 1960’s through the late
1970’s, Dr. Martin found, the divorce rate for women with college degrees
and those without moved in lockstep, with graduates consistently having
about one-third to one-fourth the divorce rate of nongraduates.

But since 1980, the two groups have taken diverging paths. Women without
undergraduate degrees have remained at about the same rate, their risk of
divorce or separation within the first 10 years of marriage hovering at
around 35 percent. But for college graduates, the divorce rate in the first
10 years of marriage has plummeted to just over 16 percent of those married
between 1990 and 1994 from 27 percent of those married between 1975 and
1979.

About 60 percent of all marriages that eventually end in divorce do so
within the first 10 years, researchers say. If that continues to hold true,
the divorce rate for college graduates who married between 1990 and 1994
would end up at only about 25 percent, compared to well over 50 percent for
those without a four-year college degree.

“It’s a big wow sort of story,” Dr. Martin said. “I’ve been looking for two
years at other data sets to see if it’s wrong, but it really looks like it’s
happening.”

Still, some researchers remain skeptical about the significance of the small
drop in overall divorce rates.

“The crude divorce rate has been going down,” said Dr. Andrew J. Cherlin,
professor of public policy in the sociology department at Johns Hopkins.
“But whether the rates will ultimately reach 45 percent or 50 percent over
the next few decades are just projections. None of them are ironclad.”

Dr. Larry Bumpass, an emeritus professor of sociology at the University of
Wisconsin’s Center for Demography and Ecology, has long held that divorce
rates will eventually reach or exceed 50 percent. In an interview, he said
that it was “probably right” that the official divorce statistics might fall
below 50 percent, but that the rate would still be close.

“About half is still a very sensible statement,” he said.

What all experts do agree on is that, after more than a century of rising
divorce rates in the United States, the rates abruptly stopped going up
around 1980.

Part of the uncertainty about the most recent trends derives from the fact
that no detailed annual figures have been available since 1996, when the
National Center for Health Statistics stopped collecting detailed data from
states on the age, income, education and race of people who divorced.

As a result, estimates from surveys have had to fill in the gaps.

“The government has dropped the ball on data collection,” said Dr. David
Popenoe, professor of sociology and co-director of the National Marriage
Project at Rutgers University.

Joshua R. Goldstein, associate professor of sociology and public affairs at
Princeton’s Office of Population Research, said the loss of detailed
government data, coming at a time when divorce rates were at their highest,
might have distorted not only public perception, but people’s behavior.

“Expectations of high divorce are in some ways self-fulfilling,” he said.
“That’s a partial explanation for why rates went up in the 1970’s.”

As word gets out that rates have tempered or actually begun to fall, Dr.
Goldstein added, “It could lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy in the other
direction.”

9 years, 4 months ago

Don’t worry DCB, with your attitude (this being all about women meeting “your needs,” and that shit about dinner on the table) no woman in her right mind would ever marry you anyway. So why waste bandwidth resisting something that for you is a non-option?

9 years, 4 months ago

FYI:

Statisticalyl speaking, the factor which has contributed the most to the increased divorce rate (relative to say, the 50s) is the increasing employment rate of women.

9 years, 4 months ago

Yup, in the 70’s, women got jobs and realized they could afford to leave yer hairy asses. Good for them. But it was a hiccup in time: The divorce rate leveled out in the 80’s and now is enjoying a slight decline.

For those interested in the red-state vs. blue-state angle . . . along with info on how education and income effect divorce rates:

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/11/14/weekinreview/14pamb.html?ex=1258174800&%2338;en=4f927c5f27fb9966&%2338;ei=5090&

nabeel
9 years, 4 months ago

Ok hedonistic, let’s say the divorce rate is about 40%, not 50%. do you think that other 10% (and more) are actually happy in their marriages? I have a brother who considered divorce, but decided to stay because of the kids. he’s not happy though.

And I’m getting confused by your arguments. Earlier in this thread, your first comment was all about warning the ladies to stay away from marriage because it benefits only the men… and now you’re saying, “oh, the divorce rate is not that bad”. I mean, come on, it’s not about ownership of each other’s bodies… its about having kids and propogating the species while providing a safe haven for kids to grow up and learn to become adults who can make it in this tough world.

If it was really true that marriage only benefited the men and not the women, I don’t think marriage institution which started thousands of years ago would have lasted that long. A successful marriage benefits EVERYONE involved… the kids, the husband, and the wife.

That’s why its so important for me to marry the right woman who has a positive outlook on life, and not someone with a bitter attitude about men and marriage.

gisella
9 years, 4 months ago

I have to wonder. If you are truly so happy being a bachelor then why is this whole blog dedicated to how coupledom, marriage, and American women are the devil? It’s almost as if you have trouble convincing yourself that bachelor life is satisfying so you come on here for support. As they say misery loves company.

Yes 50% of marriages fail but 50% succeed as well! The truth is American society is filled with miserable selfish people, and those people are going to be miserable if they are single or if they are married, except when miserable people get married we blame it on the institution of marriage instead of on their character where it belongs.

In addition to that the single life is no walk in the park. One night stands, STDS, horrid dates, blind dates, internet dates, seedy bars and clubs- and at the end of the night you have no one to come home to. You are alone masturbating in your bed to some plastic image up on your monitor. I have been single and I am married and can tell you that marriage is extremely satisfying, and anyone who does not agree 1) married the wrong person or 2) was not emotionally prepared for marriage.
What could be better than living with and being married to your absolute best friend, someone you would do anything for, someone who amazes you everyday. When marriage is good, you fall in love with your signficant other more and more with every passing day, week and year. There is nothing that can describe such an incredible union.

9 years, 4 months ago

who cares DCB is going to marry a pretty, smart girl one day. why is everyone freaking out? :tard:

Lame
9 years, 4 months ago

DCB is funny…eventually he’ll grow up. Can’t be a fighter forever my man, stop being annoying and suck it up.

9 years, 4 months ago

Dude you need to know that women are part Mogwai…Know your rules
1. Never give em water
2. Never show em light
3. Never feed them after midnight…never give them CC’s, Big House, Hollywood dreams, or allow to believe things bigger than themselves, or your cute cudly wife will turn into a vepid gremlin.

9 years, 4 months ago

I have a sneaking suspicion that Gisella is smoking hot. Who’s with me?

And btw, one in four American women have genital herpes (Link), so she’s right about the being single & STDs thing.

A Married Woman
9 years, 4 months ago

NPR had a recent broadcast on the topic of marriage. They found that men over 35 and who were not married had more health problems and the highest rate of depression.
My husband thanks me everyday that he’s married and for the record, he was quite a stud when he was your age.
He just got tired of one night stands and “the game” year in and year out.
DCB- you can always watch “Friday Night at the Roxbury’s” to continue living it up bachelor style, but truth be told, if I looked in your fridge- I bet I would find ketchup, stale bread and tons of beer b/c nobody cooks for you (besides your mom)– and nobody really cares about you- aside from people who like a catchy distraction from work.
I agree- you in particular should stay away from marriage. Why make an unsuspecting woman more bitter– she’ll end up divorcing you anyway and upgrading to a loveable guy. Do us all a favor and stay single. You’re good practice for single girls before they meet their soulmate.

Anonymous
9 years, 4 months ago

DCB is going to realize only too late that marriage, like everything else in life, is what you make of it. Your career, friendships, mentors, proteges, “trip” in Amsterdam, lost luggage in Tanzania, missing the ferry in Hong Kong, screwing up the bait-line off Kodiak Island, meeting an irreverant fellow in Cairo who invites you to meet his family, and your wife — yes, even your wife — is all what you make of it. You can be decidedly negative about it, or you can have fun (and tell great stories in a bar later). Where’s the guy with the blow-up doll?

9 years, 4 months ago

one in four American women have genital herpes
*************************************************

*You sunk my Battleship with that one. But we’re men so lets be courageous and take risks…thats what life is anyways, one big risk all wrapped up and bowtied.

9 years, 4 months ago

I’ve never met DCB in person, but I have another sneaking suspicion that in reality he is not the callous dog that he portrays on this blog.

So to all those angry commenters and trolls getting their panties in a bunch: lighten up. DCB is a caricature. Either that, or DCB is the Mr. Hyde version of dcb, ie, Dr. Jekyll.

fanman
9 years, 4 months ago

I think I’m going to move to Saudi so I don’t have to settle for just one wife. Thats basically my whole problem with the institution of marriage anyway.

sean
9 years, 4 months ago

Everyone should know by now THE number one secret to a long, happy, loving marriage is dating other people.

9 years, 4 months ago

Just an interesting sidenote. My friends who are in serious relationships right now? The guy wants to get married, while the girl is putting him off. And no, these are not celibate relationships where he just wants to actually get some. So the whole “put her off for as long as possible” doesn’t quite work for them.

As for staying in shape for my husband, I’ll stay in shape for myself, not for him. Or we can just get fat and gross together. Either way, there is no way I’m going to stop putting on sweatpants as soon as I get home. And, just so you don’t start feeling sorry for him, I totally agree with KassyK. I’m in that minority too!!!

9 years, 4 months ago

Although I’m certainly not this cynical, I kind of like Heidi Fleiss’ take on marriage. She says that marriage is just a formalized threesome. Once married your relationship involves you, your spouse, and the state.

O face – amazing use of movie quotes. Amazing.

nabeel
9 years, 4 months ago

“formalized threesome. Once married your relationship involves you, your spouse, and the state”

the state… is she hot?

Chaco
9 years, 4 months ago

Marriage is a risk, everyone knows that. You tie yourself to another person, link every aspect of your lives together, raise children who depend on you for you survival. And if things go bad, man, what a bitch it is.

But when you actually love someone, respect them as a friend, and get hot sex from them, well, the thought of wanting to stay together for a long time starts to look like a good option. If you know your partner is willing to work with you and won’t let things slide, then it seems like a smart risk to take.

9 years, 4 months ago

To the one who asked (Nabeel?) My statements aren’t contradictory at all. The fact that I’m personally anti-marriage at this point in my life doesn’t change the statistics. I’m not going to make up statistics to bolster my case against marriage.

Bottom line:

Survey Says!!!! Marriage is better for men than it is for women. That’s why the caricature of the woman pushing for marriage is such a joke. It’s as though Culture had to put together this huge marketing campaign to convince women that marriage is all about a big ring, a white frilly dress, being queen for a day and then . . . a lifetime of knitting baby booties and enjoying the fragrant whiff of baby powder.

The sick reality is that for women, marriage generally means domestic servitude and bone-numbing exhaustion, especially after the children are born. The state of affairs will continue to make many naturally-subordinate and domestically-inclined women happy . . . bless their hearts . . . but it’s just not for me.

If I marry again, it will be to a man who both cooks and cleans for me. I have “more important” things to do. Just like any man, in fact.

new p
9 years, 4 months ago

married men are statistically healthier because their wives nag them to go to the doctor and make their appointments for them.

9 years, 4 months ago

What about Swingers and Open Marriages? You should blog about those.

Mandy
9 years, 4 months ago

I think that our variety of options, instead of making things easier, just makes things confusing as hell for me.

A friend and I were talking the other day about commitment and relationships…she and I have both travelled around a lot, and we feel like the timing for a good, solid relationship can be very tricky. The people we know are always moving around, following different career options, or just want to keep their options open in general (everyone is guilty of this at one time or another–I mean, people can be like kids in a candy store when it comes to the opposite sex, always looking for more, trying to find the next best option). It can be frustrating, because it?s not enough anymore to meet someone and be interested. You have to be at the “same place” in life, and THAT?s what sucks so much.

Meanwhile, EIGHT of my friends got engaged this year (6 of the 8 are hardcore Christian). I wonder sometimes how much of it is love, and how much is the result of family and religious expectations. I?m just hoping for the best for them.

I have to admit that the question of dating in a world full of STDs, bad blind dates and seedy bar encounters (paraphrasing gisella) is enough to influence me to make it a Blockbuster night when Friday rolls around.

Someone recently told me that he thinks men were made to be solitary–that they should never marry, so they can “spread their seed,” and that nature made them this way on purpose. But in response to that, I said, “So–according to nature, society should be composed of single mothers?” He didn?t like my response too much.

That said, I think marriage could be wonderful, if you do it for the right reasons and give it your best shot. If you?re not sure, then maybe you should re-evaluate who you?re with.

Mandy
9 years, 4 months ago

By the way, the other (non-serious) responses to this post had me laughing my ass off.

Jafa
9 years, 4 months ago

” :banana: ” DCB sort of reminds me of Madonna. Always keeps it edgy and sure knows how to get people talking. This blog site reminds me that opinions are like belly buttons.. everyone has one. Having said that, I prefer to remain an optimist when it comes to marriage. I do like the concept and believe in TRUELOVE and COMMITMENT. Even with the high rate of divorce and “unhappy marriages” out there.. I sincerely believe that with the right person and if you both marry for the right reasons it can be a beautiful lifelong experience.

Jada
9 years, 4 months ago

That’s Jada’s comment up there.. not Jafa

Q
9 years, 4 months ago

It’s true that marriage is not going to work out for anyone who is unwilling to move past the selfish perspective of always wanting his/her own way in every situation (an approach to life which is unfortunately taken by too many members of both sexes). However, being in loving relationships has taught me that if I’m with the right person and deeply connected, the more satisfied he is, the more satisfied I am.

This makes it easy to be generous. It feels so wonderful to see the smile on his face when I cook him a great meal, or do something thoughtful for him, or get really passionate in bed. So I’m generous with him, which softens him right up and inspires him to be generous with me, which then encourages me to be even more generous with him. So we’re both always looking for ways to please the other, and the situation just gets better and better.

Since we both strongly intend to keep this dynamic in place, I feel pretty secure about the prospect of marriage. The problem with marriage as DCB envisions it is that it’s based on both people selfishly trying to get everything they want without regard for the other. By all means don’t get married if you or your partner has this sort of attitude; it will only lead to pain and misery. If you can broaden your perspective, though, there’s the opportunity for a lifelong partnership where both parties are dedicated to making each other happy emotionally, sexually, physically, spiritually, and materially.

Anonymous
9 years, 4 months ago

This is almost complete plagiarism of a Men’s Health article written last year.

I would provide the URL, but this article is not included in the online version.

Smug Engaged Girl
9 years, 4 months ago

A while back, DCB wrote a post and mentioned that when he was very young, his parents stuck him in daycare and worked long hours, and he was always feeling abandoned and scared that they wouldn’t come back for him. Maybe this is why he has a negative view of marriage and family, and sees the whole thing as a gyp? I mean, proposing marriage packages in which the father can walk off and not support the kids at all? In whose world is that okay? There are clearly some serious psychological/emotional/spiritual issues here on DCB’s part.

Even if it were true that 50% of marriages failed, it’s a glass half empty vs. half full thing. I’m just happy to think that at least half of marriages work out, which is way better odds than, say, getting picked for a Fulbright fellowship or winning the lottery.

Marriage can be a wonderful thing, or can be a prison/hell. It depends profoundly on the character and intentions of those entering into it.

Advantages of being married/engaged-and-cohabiting with a great person who loves you and with whom you have a great relationship:

– Snuggling into bed together every night
– Keeping each other warm on cold nights
– Sex every other day or so
– Getting groped a lot while making dinner
– Being able to make better meals because you have an assistant chef
– Saving money by eating at home, and eating healthier meals
– Food doesn’t go bad in the fridge because there’s someone else there to eat it
– Both of us saving hundreds of dollars on housing costs
– Free household repairs and personal chef
– No more smoky bars, bad dates, or cover charges
– When you get home someone hugs and kisses you
– Hearing “I love you” every morning before you leave for work
– Always having someone to go on vacation with
– Cheaper vacations because you have someone to share hotel rooms and rental cars with
– Having someone there to make you soup and nurse you when you’re sick
– Having someone there who’s promised to always be there for you, no matter what
– Having someone who tells you all the time you’re pretty/hot/sexy/handsome, even when your hair looks like it was done by, say, troll dolls
– Having someone in your life who supports your dreams and goals
– Having someone there to comfort you when you had a bad day
– Having someone who knows your deep dark secrets and still loves you anyway
– Being with someone who wants to raise a family with you and thinks you’ll be a great parent
– Being with someone who respects and appreciates your abilities and talents

I could go on and on, but I’ll stop. Basically, compared to being single, this cohabiting life is sweet, sweet cocaine, and I’m never going back.

Anonymous
9 years, 4 months ago

Marriage as an institution is timeless.

Choosing the wrong spouse is a timeless blunder.

The latter is not the fault of the former.

Roissy
9 years, 4 months ago

marriage is a social mechanism designed to exchange sex for indentured servitude.

9 years, 4 months ago

The bottom line is that marriage is the right option for some, and not for others. I think this all depends on where a person is at in life (emotionally). You can probably go back a year in my blog and see where I spewed off that I never wanted to get married again(yes, I realize the divorce rate is ridiculously high). My boyfriend was right there with me, and now we’re getting married in a few months. It works for us at this point in our lives. Hopefully, we’ll do better than we did last time around, but to say “we’re different” and “it will be forever” is just silly. We want to try though.

9 years, 3 months ago

maybe you could get the engagement ring with the expiration date inscribed in it

spcwby
9 years ago

Money
The Economics Of Prostitution
Michael Noer, 02.14.06, 12:00 PM ET

Wife or whore?

The choice is that simple. At least according to economists Lena Edlund and Evelyn Korn, it is.

The two well-respected economists created a minor stir in academic circles a few years back when they published “A Theory of Prostitution” in the Journal of Political Economy. The paper was remarkable not only for being accepted by a major journal but also because it considered wives and whores as economic “goods” that can be substituted for each other. Men buy, women sell.

Economists have been equating money and marriage ever since Nobel Prize-winning economist Gary Becker published his seminal paper “A Theory of Marriage” in two parts in 1973 and 1974–also, not coincidentally, in the Journal of Political Economy.

Becker used market analysis to tackle the questions of whom, when and why we marry. His conclusions? Mate selection is a market, and marriages occur only if they are profitable for both parties involved.

Becker allowed nonmonetary elements, like romantic love and companionship, to be entered into courtship’s profit and loss statement. And children, in particular, were important. “Sexual gratification, cleaning, feeding and other services can be purchased, but not children: Both the man and the woman are required to produce their own children and perhaps to raise them,” he wrote.

But back to whores: Edlund and Korn admit that spouses and streetwalkers aren’t exactly alike. Wives, in truth, are superior to whores in the economist’s sense of being a good whose consumption increases as income rises–like fine wine. This may explain why prostitution is less common in wealthier countries. But the implication remains that wives and whores are–if not exactly like Coke and Pepsi–something akin to champagne and beer. The same sort of thing.

As with Becker, a key differentiator in Edlund and Korn’s model is reproductive sex. Wives can offer it, whores can not.

To be fair, Edlund and Korn were merely building an admittedly grossly simplified model of human behavior in an attempt to answer a nagging question: Why do hookers make so much money? Prostitution is, seemingly, a low-skill but high-pay profession with few upfront costs, micro-miniskirts and stiletto heels aside.

Yet according to data assembled from a wide variety of times and places, ranging from mid-15th-century France to Malaysia of the late 1990s, prostitutes make more money–in some cases, a lot more money–than do working girls who, well, work for a living. This held true even for places where prostitution is legal and relatively safe. In short, streetwalkers aren’t necessarily being paid more for their increased risk of going to jail or the hospital.

Notwithstanding Jerry Hall’s quip when she was married to Mick Jagger, about being “a maid in the living room and a whore in the bedroom,” one normally cannot be both a wife and a whore. “Combine this with the fact that marriage can be an important source of income for women, and it follows that prostitution must pay better than other jobs to compensate for the opportunity cost of forgone-marriage market earnings,” Edlund and Korn conclude.

Ouch.

Another zinger: “This begs the question of why married men go to prostitutes (rather than buying from their wives, who presumably will be low-cost providers, considering that they can sell nonreproductive sex without compromising their marriage).” Guys, nothing says “Happy Valentine’s Day” more than “low-cost provider.”

Of course, it’s easy to pour cold water on some of the assumptions made in Edlund and Korn’s mathematical model. But these so-called “stylized facts” are supposed to predict human behavior; they don’t necessarily pretend to mirror it.

In particular, the assumption that there is no “third way” between wife and whore is problematic, if not outright offensive: “The third alternative, working in a regular job but not marrying, can be ruled out, since we assume that the only downside of marriage for a woman is the forgone opportunity for prostitution.”

Be sure to let all your married friends know what they’re missing.

Also, the emphasis on the utility of children is puzzling. In most Western democracies, fertility rates have plummeted as wealth has increased. Empirically, men not only buy fewer whores as they get richer, but they have fewer children.

Still, the economic analysis of marriage explains one age-old phenomenon: gold digging.

“In particular, does our analysis justify the popular belief that more beautiful, charming and talented women tend to marry wealthier and more successful men?” wrote Becker. His answer: “A positive sorting of nonmarket traits with nonhuman wealth always, and with earnings power, usually, maximizes commodity output over all marriages.”

In other words, yes, supermodels do prefer aging billionaires. And Gary Becker proved it mathematically decades before The Donald married Melania.

slade
8 years, 11 months ago

the only alternative to marriage is dont get married ever

mstfd
8 years, 10 months ago

So how come its mostly women who initiate divorce? Most of them don’t get alimony-this isn’t 1956 for God’s sake. Love ya, mean it

Clarence
8 years, 9 months ago

This is to inject some reality into this discussion, esp given comments from hedonistic.

I recommend reading the entire article. You all might learn something.

DCB your intuition does you well.

Clarence
8 years, 9 months ago

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce

Anonymous
8 years, 9 months ago

nomarriage.com

8 years, 5 months ago

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Tania Winter
8 years, 4 months ago

The difference between marriage and prostitution is that whores do a better job of faking it!

7 years, 5 months ago

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