WAR OF THE WORLDS SUCKS

War of the Worlds is the worst movie I’ve seen all year. It makes Independence Day look like a masterpiece.

1. The tripods were buried in Earth before modern man, “a million years ago”, until the aliens activated them by sending in a pilot and some electricity. So the aliens had tripods on Earth for a million years but didn’t take over, instead letting humans build a society advanced enough to put up resistance? That doesn’t make any sense. Plus the entire invasion strategy was still lame: if I was an advanced alien life-form and decided to invade a planet, I’d probably use some current technology instead of a million year old Star Wars AT-AT walker rip-off.

And the whole thing about using human blood for alien plant fertilizer is laughable. Anyone who knows the composition of blood (0.3% of you) understands why it would make a horrible fertilizer. The Matrix scenario where they keep humans alive is much more believable.

2. The Robbie guy (Cruise’s son) was a douchebag. His father was begging him to run away from the impending doom that awaited them but he wanted to stay and watch some guys shoot guns. THIS ISN’T A VIDEO GAME SON. I was so happy when Cruise let him go to his certain death, only to recoil in disgust when he survived in the end without any injuries. He had some black dirt on him though, so that means he put up a good fight. I love how Tom Cruise’s family seems to have made it pretty well through the whole invasion thing without any casualties, giving me hope for my family in the upcoming apocalypse. I especially wanted that little girl to die so I could be spared of her overacting, though I was a little worried for her when Tim Robbins looked like he was going to molest her.

3. If you planned a million years for an invasion, wouldn’t you consider bringing some food? The end of the movie has the aliens inexplicably leaving the safety of their tripod to go into a basement to get some snacks… SNACKS. (Oh, they also want to take some time out to look at the molester’s photo collection, cause that beats looking at alien photography back home.) What are the odds that human food would satisfy a being from another galaxy? And what’s the deal with that stupid snake camera thing: the best detection method aliens have are a video camera? I mean even the Predator has that heat thermal locater. That basement scene wasn’t even thrilling… you KNEW they weren’t going to get caught because Spielberg can not sleep at night if he doesn’t put a happy spin on even the darkest of movies.

If you actually liked this movie then I got some DVD movie remakes of 80’s TV shows to sell you, with “bonus” features you will only watch once.

37 thoughts on “WAR OF THE WORLDS SUCKS

  1. DC Girl

    Your post is so true! OK, here’s another thing. Why couldn’t any of the military guys that got sucked up into the baskets (which is from AI by the way…lack of ideas i guess)figure out what Cruise ended up doing!! God I was wishing they would just eat Dakota fanning so I wouldn’t have to hear that high pitched obnoxious whining voice anymore.

    Why did they freak out about the car being taken? Clearly if he could get one car to run with his brilliant idea then he could get other cars to run, couldn’t he? Why was cruise the only “smart” character yet his whole life was shit??

    WHY WAS THIS FUCKING MOVIE MADE?? I am still angry I spent money watching it.

  2. the celebutante

    I completely agree 100%! that was the worst movie I have ever seen. It was a constant climax and then it just ended. I also hated how the son made it alive…which in real life would be impossible and how the hell did he get home? AWFUL MOVIE…GREAT POST.

  3. Lil DC Diva

    THANK YOU DCB. It was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. I actually watched Independence Day the day after I saw War of the Worlds, and gained a new appreciation for it.
    I like little miss Dakota, and thats about it. I couldn’t stand her screaming though. The worst was the ending, all of a sudden the aliens, after millions of years of planning, found out they couldn’t survive on earth, the stupid annoying son lived, and so did the rest of the family. Worst. Movie. Ever. Thank you for taking notice, I’ve actually talked to a lot of people who LIKED it, and I’ve begun to question their sanity.

  4. CatCiao

    I give Fantastic Four (Jessica Alba was pleasing to the eyes) and Madagascar a hearty – “not bad” -if you have to sit through them with your kids.

    On DVD consider National Treasure, A Civil Action, Godsend, but Hot Wheels – World Race is a must see…seriously.

  5. J.P.

    Senator-

    have you seen it? I was so pleasantly surprised– I usually would not say I would pay to see a movie a second time in theaters but I would for B.B.

  6. Liz

    I did not even have to go see the movie to predict it would be a piece of shit. And what a surprise, everything I have heard thus far has confirmed my prediction.

    Summer 2005 is the summer of re-makes (War of the Worlds, Willy Wonka, yet ANOTHER Batman movie, etc).

    I will go see Willy Wonka because I am interested to see if he will be as good as Gene Wilder was in the original.

    And if I have time I will see Batman Begins.

  7. Aja

    Uhh, why did they die again? I fell asleep and never read the book. So why did they die? and what was the whole look at the birds scene at the end when Cruise was in the tunnel. That is all.

    P.S. I saw High Tension, it was cool, movie matinee worthy or bootleg DVD. Heard The Island was no joke.

  8. spyder11

    the birds were able to fly through the shields and land on the aliens tripods. and then tom cruise was like “blow them up man”, and the soldier was like “ok”..

    the aliens died because they weren`t immune to human viruses. they were able to create technology that vapourizes flesh but not clothing, but they forgot to test the atmosphere.

    a very stupid and lazily written ending

  9. The Brunette

    1)How come the entire eastern seaboard is completely destroyed, but the quaint little Boston street that family lives on was untouched. “OMG THERES LITTER ON THE STREET! EEEK!” Please.

    2)I don’t know about you, but if I were standing along the street and suddenly it started cracking open and collapsing into the ground, I would RUN THE FUCK AWAY. No, people apparently want to hang around and watch this stuff.

    3)Hmm. So the EMP shuts off all electronics. But some idiot is videotaping the alien. With his video camera that is POWERED WITH MAGIC. Oooh.

    *sigh*

    I won’t say I didn’t enjoy it though, because I lost brain function and spent a large portion of the film on the edge of my seat like the huge loser I am.

  10. sara

    side note (b/c i haven’t seen the movie): dcb, you’re email address is getting bounced back… what’s up with that?

  11. Washington Cube

    Sounds like I was the only one who held off seeing this film because 1) I don’t want that crazed dickwad Cruise from acquiring one cent of my money and 2) I can’t stand Spielberg films and how he always has to cave to that impulse of “feel good” somewhere in the context of the movie. After reviewing the comments today, I see nothing to compel me to change my mind, so thanks for the input.

    P.S. I told a friend about this blog posting today. He told me that every time he walks past the Scientology building at Dupont Circle he mutters “How’s life in the hollow tree, freaks?”

  12. Anonymous

    Agreed the movie sucks. What I hate about it was Dakota Fanning, and the son. If I was the father of those two, they would have had a beatdown just for being annoying.

  13. James

    I gotta agree with all the hatred everyone’s spitting at this movie, and yet…

    It’s still gotta be better than Adam Sandler’s “The Longest Yard” or the “Herbie: Fully Loaded” movie.

    Holy shit, those suck monkeyballs.

  14. Andy

    I found The Longest Yard rather amusing, but maybe it was because I needed my football fix.

    Just save yourself the time and go see Batman fourteen times 🙂

  15. puto

    C’mon the ending of the movie sucked just because Spielberg changed the story completely. In the original (1953) the aliens come from outer space because mars is dying, but in here they seemed to have planned the whole thing millions of years ago but still… there were germs at that time, So.. HOW THE HELL DID THEY BURY THE SHIPS!!!!!!!!….And of course we can?t forget the camera, the inmaculated family street, stupid soldiers, the car that works, the asshole son, the annoying daughter…Should I say anything else???

  16. djshawn

    THIS IS THE WORSTE MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN!! Like an earlier post, It makes Independance Day seem like a “Timeless Classic” and IT TOO SUCKED!.. I normaly would have just stopped watching after the first 10 minutes, but I had to keep watching it all the way threw just to make sure I could honestly pick it apart and trash it scene by scene!.. Spielburge should go burry himself underground after creating this peice of crap!

    Glad I only copied it!… The movie is not even worth the price of a blank DVD! So I did loss some money, and 2 hours of my life wasted watching it!.. The burned DVD copy is allready in the trash can!..

    *If you or anyone you know actually liked this movie, you should go see a shrink. WHAT A WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY!!

  17. djshawn

    *Oh yeah!…

    QUOTE: “3)Hmm. So the EMP shuts off all electronics. But some idiot is videotaping the alien. With his video camera that is POWERED WITH MAGIC. Oooh….” If this EMP thingy can disrupt and stop ALL powered electrical devices even a watch battery, how the hell can a video camera work? HELLO!?!?!?… And further more to have a mistake like that during the first 10 minutes of the movie that is so obvious to anyone with even half a brain is just plain stupid! :huh2:

    THAT SCENE TO ME WAS THE POINT OF NO RETURN AND I KNEW I WAS IN FOR 2 HOURS OF CRAP AND BOREDOM!!! :huh2: :boring: :boring: :boring:

  18. Shark

    I think this was a great movie no matter what you say and don’t question my sanity. I LOVE War of the Worlds stuff like books, etc. Especially the Tripods 😀 !! But the AT-AT was BASED OFF OF THE TRIPOD!! I like anything that includes the Tripod.

  19. DiploDwarf

    Maybe the aliens sent their dipshits to Earth to get rid of them, like the Golgafrinchans and their ark ships. The stupids have fun blasting monkeys and totally forget about bio-suits. If Bob and Joe leave the tripod to get a drink and gnosh while looking at photos, so much the better. So what we have is a million-year-plus plan to get rid of morons.

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