VENEZUELA: RUSSO DOES NOT RESPECT ME

I take a one hour hike up some mountain road to a Frenchmans farm for some horseback riding. After fending off the advances of a spunky young horse that kept biting me, we rode through some Andes trails. It was a bit scary to look down the edge of cliffs and realize your life is in entrusted with a horse. In my case, it was Russo, a bastard of a horse that didn’t respect me. He would randomly stop and start eating. The Frenchman would yell at me, shouting “Control your horse!” and “Give it character.. energy!” I had to grab on Russo’s hair and whip the hell out of until it knew who was boss, very similar to how one would command respect from a woman.

The Frenchman was actually a very interesting character. He was tall and had long hippy hair that he kept in a ponytail. Fifteen years ago, he was living on some boat in the Caribbean when a hurricane forced him to make land fall in Venezuela. Without knowing any Spanish, he lived in the barrios of Caracas for six months. “For what they lack in money, they make up in heart.” He then found his way to Merida, where he met his wife. I asked him if he ever thought about going back to France, and he said no.

In Europe and the United States, there’s a lot of regulations and rules to have a secure life and comfortable lifestyle. Everyone gets in their cars, with their seat belt, air bag, and insurance, yet everyone is scared to get into an accident because they know it will still cost them. You pay for all these things to be comfortable yet at the end of the year you have no money.

All these Western countries say how there are free, but with all those rules it’s a dictatorship in disguise.

I agree with him. But this freedom that he has comes at a cost of giving up the comfort and security that we take for granted here. Apparently him and many other Europeans living in Venezuela don’t mind.

It was time to say goodbye to Merida and Venezuela, with a final flight to Caracas before I head back home. There was still one challenge remaining: I had to walk 1.5 miles to the airport at 5am with my backpack. While Merida isn’t a dangerous city, this walk would be like walking through Northeast DC in the middle of the night. If you get robbed you’re friends would first say, “What were you thinking?”

There was quite a few people milling around that early in the morning. Vendors setting up shop for the day. People stumbling home from another crazy Wednesday night. I was almost at the airport when a scooter with two guys passed me. They immediately made a u-turn and I mentally accepted that I was going to get robbed. In that moment you think of what to do: run, use the backpack as a weapon, or fight back with yellow belt Taekwondo skills. Thankfully, they left me alone.

On the plane ride back to the U.S. I was fortunate enough to sit next to a friendly Venezuelan woman, who reminded me of how great the women there are. Since my return here I have very little motivation to go out… no desire to chat up the materialistic zombie women who are mediocre in bed. But horniness and an endless alcohol budget are powerful when combined, so I predict that in two weeks you’ll see me out trying to grind on the easiest girl in the club. Venezuela, shantytowns and all, will be missed.

Supplement:

Here is my updated, international women rating guide. The values from the previous rating have been rescaled. Venezuela is heaven for ass-men. Even the girls who don’t have ass, have ass. God bless ’em.

American Girls Venezuelan Girls Italian Girls
Hair
0
1
1
Eyes
0
0
1
Face
0
1
2
Breasts
1
1
0
Ass
1
2
0
Body Size
-1
0
1
Style
0
0
0
Bangability
1
2
1
Snobbiness
-1
1
-1
Makeup Abuse
0
1
0
Bride Worthiness
-1
1
1
Hairiness
1
0
0
Total
1
10
6
Venezuela Table of Contents

1. Venezuela: Urban Hell
2. Venezuela: Escape From Caracas
3. Venezuela: Water Beach
4. Venezuela: A Reggaeton Christmas
5. Venezuela: Russo Does Not Respect Me
6. Venezuela: Question and Answer
7. Venezeula: Sabana Grande

27 thoughts on “VENEZUELA: RUSSO DOES NOT RESPECT ME

  1. Aja

    I enjoyed reading this. Other than the horror stories, do you regret this experience (going there alone)? Also you never rated Miami women.

  2. Sam

    I found your Venezuelan adventure story very interesting. It is well written and funny. You should write the first interesting guide book for single men.

  3. Anonymous

    But women in other places generally lack the fashion sense, sophistication and education level of those in DC, NYC and SF, so yes they are more snobby. If men don’t like it, go find your women in North Dakota or West Virginia.

    However, men are snobby too. I might be “bangable,” but unless I’m drop dead gorgeous is he ever really going to call me? Men are guilty of stereotyping when it comes to women.

    I can’t believe you went on a trip alone, how boring. I would have gotten an “escort.”

  4. Anonymous

    Having two masters degrees in useless subjects does not make one smart. Judging by most people I meet around here, having a law degree doesn’t either.

  5. Anonymous

    Good Reading. I don’t know how you did it though, going to S. America solo status. Are you one of those dudes that tells people, ‘I’m trying to find myself’ or are you just one of those dudes that says, ‘fuck it.’ ?

  6. dcbfriend

    hey there dcb
    i would hope we american girls would get more explanation of face, ass and hairiness and we rank poorly. Also, bangability is a subjective thing (although this is your blog) and wouldn’t the total score just be that for you?
    What is about the vn. girl’s ass that makes it so special? Size, roundness, no cellulite. We need details.

  7. Jesus Christ

    “DON’T PUSH ME, BECAUSE I’M CLOSE TO THE EDGE, I’M TRYING NOT TO LOSE MYSELF”. You guys need to come out with me and go break dancing sometime. I can pop like nobody business.
    Zuelans are hot man, thats why pops made em so you silly american earthlings would have a solid excuse to kill Hugo, and invade the country. I am a certified ass man, and will definitely make a trip to see this country. So whats the next country on the list to visit???? Your keeping me in suspense!!

  8. Lonnie Bruner

    Ever been to Argentina? Before I went, I was expecting the ladies to be smokin’, but they all had horse faces. It constantly amazed me how ugly they were. Was glad to get back to the States for that reason alone.

  9. Madonna

    Don’t cry for me Argentina. Being a woman of the world I don’t try to pigeon hole people by their nationality, race, creed or color – it’s all pink!

  10. Sudamericana

    Lonnie Bruner, I respect other people’s opinions and tastes, so I don’t have anything negative to say about your comment; but, to tell you the truth, it surprised me, since you are the first person who I’ve heard describing Argentine women as being ugly in general.

    But again, I am Argentine, so I guess that if I indeed had a horse face (which, by the way, I am pretty sure I don’t), guys wouldn’t tell me 🙂

  11. Lonnie Bruner

    Sorry, really didn’t mean to offend anyone by my offensive comment. Just one person’s opinion.

    After hearing foreigners bash the US ad nauseum when I worked at an ESL school, I would’ve expected tougher skin from you guys. BTW, I freaking loved Buenos Aires. I’d live there in a second.

  12. Nabs

    Hey what about Persian girls? I went to some Persian carnival thing in Chicago couple years back, amazing girls, but maybe I got a thing for the exotic looking ones. (I’m in India right now and enjoying it thoroughly)

  13. Sudamericana

    Hey, I was not offended, mine was just an opinion as well. And yes, I sometimes do bash American guys, so I cannot really complain.

    I agree that Buenos Aires is a great city to live in, as long as you find an interesting job there. Too bad I won’t be going back at least for the next three years. I’ll soon be moving to England, so British guys will also become the target of my criticism. Maybe I’ll start a blog and post my own comparative male ratings.

  14. Rita

    ooh this is cool, im venezuelan, and glad that you appreciate my country 🙂

    sadly, even though it’s such a beautiful place, with so many nice people, our government… ugh, it’s the reason why i moved to the u.s. a year ago… it’s making deliquency increase even more every single day… u can’t simply live there without being scared everytime u go out…

    but i have a question, did u only go to margarita and merida?? cos if u did, im sorry to tell u, u missed so many things!!

    oh, and another question…

    why do we get a 0 in body size!? lol, im just kidding

  15. vicente

    dis is so fkn sad, next time try what we venezuelans do when we travel abroad: try to have a friend living in da darn country 4 gds sk-

    anyhow, all ur nagging made me selfconchhhhius: If you plan to come down here please write beforehand to —- [email protected], i will try to tip and fix u (not using drug slang) so u dont screw it up like our DC buddy did.

    cheers and by all means i do not mean to scare you.
    v

  16. Kelly

    I only read the first few responses. Do you really care about their fashion sense? Really. If you are just out to get laid chances are they are too, or they are a hooker.

    Seriously, you take women to seriously, I am one. Yeah, I have been with the same hot guy for a long time, he keeps it fun and interesting. I am so glad I am not single, christ.

    Women either want a piece or they are jerks, just like men. Its really not complicated. They should not make you jump through hoops for a piece of ass, you know when a women really just wants to have fun. 🙂

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