There are two kinds of depression:
1. Internal depression. This is where you hate yourself. You don’t like what you see in the mirror. Your personality suffers because of negative self-talk, complaining, and whining. You are unable to relax and be alone with your mind for even a couple of minutes, constantly needing distractions such as alcohol and television. People are like this because of their parents.
2. External depression. You are happy with yourself (sometimes too happy) but you are stuck in an environment that brings you down. You have nothing to look forward to when you get up in the morning except another day of existence. You go to public places and sit there, reflecting, wondering aloud, “Is this it?” as people give you weird looks. You see things as they are and wonder why other people are so slow to pick up on the obvious meanings that lie beneath the surface.
I have the second type of depression. I’m grateful for life and I thank my parents for producing a man with alright looks and a sense of humor, but I go through the motions every day looking for meaning. DJ’ing. Martial Arts. Motorcycling. Amateur bartending. Being a local internet celebrity geek. Writing. Promoting. Sport dating. Cooking. Science nerding. All these things are fun and makes me a well-rounded person, but they’re just distractions. By now everyone should know that true happiness with life can only come from within, but what if you feel like you already are very close to inner happiness, where you have completely accepted who you are?
What is there left for you to accomplish other than living the “American dream” of making a lot of money, buying a McMansion, and accumulating material possessions? What a waste of human life to work in a single town for many years only to get something bigger and better because big business force-fed it to you through advertising. “Here’s your new $800,000 luxury mansion, where you get to know your neighbor really well since he’s only three feet away from you.”
Are you destined to die in the same country or town that your living in right now? Out of anywhere in the world, is this where you will be happiest? It’s like two people finding their “soul mate” in their high school… wow what are the odds that out of 6 billion people in this world your soul mate lives in the same boring town as you.
Maybe the answer for me is that I need to continue my personal journey in other countries. But if everyone in those other countries are trying to come here, what does that say about my proposed solution? One positive thing about going through a mid-life crisis at 26 is that you don’t have obligations which prevent you from making big changes. Imagine traveling down the wrong road for decades to realize you made a mistake and are too old to turn back.