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TOP 9 DATING TIPS FOR MEN

1. Never say, “I’m not really looking for anything serious right now.” This line would have been killer a couple years ago, but we’ve played it out and girls know what it really means now.

2. Pay for your dates, but add “You can pay next time.” You don’t want her assuming it’s going to be a free ride.

3. Don’t give up so easily, especially in bed. Sure, no means no, until it turns into “Fuck me harder” not even thirty minutes later. Girls are scared of appearing too easy, so indulge in their little game for the five minutes or so it takes for the inner-slut comes out.

4. Wait for the green lights: don’t be Mr. Octopus. It’s pretty obvious when a girl wants you to take it to the next level. Until then, chill out and enjoy the date.

5. Never, EVER, blast inside a woman. I don’t care if she’s on the pill, sterile, whatever. Even if you are using a condom, ensure it’s still on before you orgasm. Don’t put your reproductive rights into her hands. Assume she’s not on the pill and won’t have an abortion.

6. Don’t be afraid to end a date early. Sometimes it just won’t work out and this girl is completely different than what you thought. Instead of wasting your time and money on her, excuse yourself politely and say that you need to go home to organize your porn collection.

7. Look nice, but not flashy. If you get a date with a girl, chances are she is very open to having sex with you. A date is just a test to see if you are going to say or do anything really stupid. Don’t wear anything that stands out, like your new AX cut-off muscle shirt with huge cross necklace.

8. Read between the lines. A girl is going to be very subtle when she wants you to give it to her. For instance in this phrase pair, which one means “You are a loser” and which one one means “I want to have sex with you”: “I’m tired, and I have to get up early” vs “Hmm weird I’m tired.”

9. Tell all your friends to call you during the date. She’s going to think you are wanted by other women. “Wow he could be out having sex with all these girls but he’s here with me.” If you don’t have any friends, use your cell phone’s alarm feature. Remember, a girl is more likely to have sex with you because you are wanted by other women than because she thinks you are a decent guy.

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49 Comments »
9 years, 11 months ago

Dear lord.

vb
9 years, 11 months ago

well said.

9 years, 11 months ago

Surprisingly, the one you have sex with on the first date can often be the one you marry.

And yes, I speak from personal experience.

9 years, 11 months ago

“5. Never, EVER, blast inside a woman. I don?t care if she?s on the pill, sterile, whatever. Even if you are using a condom, ensure it?s still on before you orgasm. Don?t put your reproductive rights into her hands. Assume she?s not on the pill and won?t have an abortion.”

Also assume she’s going to die within the next decade from an infectious disease. I’d worry more about that than abortion.

Anonymous
9 years, 11 months ago

#9 is well said!

9 years, 11 months ago

uuhh… i agree with them all but 9. anymore than 2 phonecalls anwered during a date and most girls will assume you’d rather be doing something else. most girls i’d have to say would feel like answering your “alarm” that many times is rude and shows that you can’t devote even a single evening solely to her.

also #5 should include :”try to blast on her face, if she lets you, she’s a keeper.”

natty_
9 years, 11 months ago

I’m confused by points 4 and 8. On the one hand in point 4 you suggest girls will make their desires quite obvious, but on the other hand in point 8 you say they won’t.

9 years, 11 months ago

Natty:

Point 4 is just saying don’t be a weirdo and be all over her before she even gives you the hints.

Point 8 says to pay close attention to those hints, especially when it gets late in the game and you’re ready for the sex.

9 years, 11 months ago

I like to casually bring up the topic of anal sex during dessert to get a good read on their potential.

anon
9 years, 11 months ago

Jessaj

How many guys do you let blast on your face at once?

9 years, 11 months ago

just DCB.

9 years, 11 months ago

Wowzers!

9 years, 11 months ago

technically an up the nose shot counts, Jessa!

9 years, 11 months ago

Hmmmm….

9 years, 11 months ago

oh dear

9 years, 11 months ago

I swallow if I am giving a guy head on the first date. I love the taste. I dont like the money shot that much only if I am tied up and the he blasts on me.

9 years, 11 months ago

I like # 7. I admit to have been thinking in my head over and over again, “please don’t say anything stupid to mess this up” – but, obviously only after they’ve done a few things right.

Whatever
9 years, 11 months ago

AMEN to #1. It is tired.
#5 is a little strange.
#9 is such game playing. Unnecessary.

Whatever
9 years, 11 months ago

#10: talking about your obsession with star wars, jaegermeister, or football on the first date is NOT HOT.

9 years, 11 months ago

These aren’t the top 9 ‘dating’ tips, they’re the top 9 ‘how to get laid quickly’ tips.

The Senator
9 years, 11 months ago

Cookie if I wasnt gay I would use them on you

european girl
9 years, 7 months ago

Interesting what I can learn about american culture here. Sounds all pretty formalized and boring.
Is there also something like mutual spiritual stimulation here? (And I?m not referring to dirty talking…)

9 years, 5 months ago

Cell phones have a silent mode for a reason. We see right through that “All the chicks want me so my phone is blowin’ up!” game. The most I would tolerate is one ring because you forgot to turn your phone off. (After which, you immediately DO turn said phone off.)

9 years, 3 months ago

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Anonymous
9 years, 1 month ago

About #5? Is it ok to blast in her mouth?

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Felix
9 years, 1 month ago

Wow, so being shallow is the way to go. This is a load of crap if I ever heard it.

boston*girly
9 years ago

all this stuff is so freakin stupid.. GUYS if you really wanna get laid so bad dont pick up your phone on a date even if its someone important. your date will ask you why you didnt answer, and youll tell her its because youd much rather spend the evening/day with her! and once youve got her back home in the apartment, kiss her and see where she takes yah šŸ˜‰ k? good luck guys! and by the way anonymous- it’s nottttt cool to blast in her mouth, unless she guides it towards her mouth!

Julsy
8 years, 11 months ago

Haha “Hm weird I’m tired” is one I’ve gotten a few times. They usualy have a stretch and go all relaxed and cuddly after that it’s great.

8 years, 10 months ago

Hey guys

Go and check out http://www.playboyskool.com its the real deal when it comes to dating tips for men and advice in women

Think About It
8 years, 10 months ago

DC_Cookie says,
These aren?t the top 9 ?dating? tips, they?re the top 9 ?how to get laid quickly? tips.
~~~~~
Felix says,
Wow, so being shallow is the way to go. This is a load of crap if I ever heard it.

I agree with there views! Not to be satisfied with haveing a nice time with a woman…all about the sex now isnt it boys…women are nothing but a name on your list to brag to your friends how many times you got luckey.

chillen
8 years, 5 months ago

Ya Man

8 years, 5 months ago

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Siren
8 years, 4 months ago

#9 would piss me off. It says to me that you will go and have sex with those other women that are calling either later tonight or tomorrow. BIG Turn OFF. I certainly WON’t have sex with you, if you’re sleeping with everyone in your zip code. STDs are no joke. I don’t want your skanky (been in a billion crotches) nasty penis anywhere near me.

This is the reaction I have to #9.
Otherwise, I guess you have given the guys some fair advice.

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7 years, 8 months ago

Great list… i need to go through more of your archives.

#9 works better with texts. Its great cuz you just pull out your phone, read the text, and put it back in your pocket. The girl is sitting there wondering who keeps texting.. of course they will aways assume its a guy.

7 years, 8 months ago

i meant to say “assume its a girl”

Beth
7 years, 4 months ago

you are absolutely the biggest idiot in the planet.

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