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TOP 9 DATING TIPS FOR WOMEN

1. Offer to pay even if you have no intention of doing so. Also, don’t order the most expensive thing on the menu.

2. There is nothing wrong with inviting me back upstairs for a dessert or drink. I know you want me to come up or else my lame bathroom excuse wouldn’t work every time.

3. Tease, but give in eventually so I don’t have to deal with painful cramps on a shameful ride home.

4. Stroke, don’t tug. It’s not a door handle.

5. Don’t complain… about anything at all.

6. A guy’s neck needs attention too.

7. Put out no later than the fourth date if you like me. Even if you think I just want you for the sex, I should be rewarded for spending all that time with you.

8. Don’t go into detail about your ex-boyfriends. I don’t care and it makes you look clingy.

9. If you already have had sex with me, please don’t make me have to re-seduce you the next time. It should get easier.

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33 Comments »
The Truth Hurts
10 years, 3 months ago

And that may be why the title of your blog is DC Bachelor. Keep working on it! Eventually you will find a woman who follows these rules. Just make sure she always has a fully charged battery and her air is always filled to capacity. That way she can keep you satisfied.

Anonymous
10 years, 3 months ago

9 Tips for Dating a Woman? Or how about 9 Ways To Show you just want sex? DC Bachelor, it appears you aren’t ready to date! Rules of dating don’t exactly imply when you truely like someone.

10 years, 3 months ago

Damn, brother.

I like #1, #5, and #6 the best. No comment on the others…

The next Best Practices is the 5 things for a guy NOT to do on a date…straight from the other gender–with a CPMC twist.

Keep an eye out.

10 years, 3 months ago

The Senator’s body language on numbers 2,3,4,7,8, and 9 was violent nodding…

Eric
10 years, 3 months ago

I thought about changing #7 to 3 dates, but I actually think 4 works better. 3 is kind of cliched, and 4 makes for a better limit. #8 is the absolute truth.

Anonymous
10 years, 3 months ago

I love how women commentors always get miffed when they read stuff like this. This list is hundred percent true even when you are dating the absolute nicest guy alive. A couple of these things are just common decency type things- i.e. offering to pay, not ordering most expensive thing, etc.

#8 is extremely true. Excessive talking about an ex implies that you are either a. not over the ex or b. you are a total head case or c. all of the above.

inSOMnia
10 years, 3 months ago

Rock on DCB all of these are true. The women who commented above have done all this bull shit or else they wouldnt have been so defensive.

10 years, 3 months ago

Hmmmm… For #7, as long as “put out” doesn’t have to mean “give it all up,” sure. And why *wouldn’t* you want to keep up the seducing? Part of the fun…

Aja504
10 years, 3 months ago

1. Sure, but don’tbe surprised when I don’t.
2. Agree, if I am drunk enough to say I have food at home then I am drunk enough to invite you in.
3. Does grinding count? Will that leave you with painful cramps or just a wet spot?
4. Right, stroke 123, stroke 1-2-3
5. Come on, wihtout a complaint you guys couldn’t get better at being assholes.
6. Agree
7. No doubt
8. Seriously, guys shouldn’t either because then you look like some pussy whipped beyotch and then I know I can take your mind.
9. Same for men, don’t make this out to be some mind game, I got what you want, you have something I like.

Anonymous
10 years, 3 months ago

Okay, I NEVER offer to pay on the first dinner date, I think men feel strange about that and it’s uncomfortable, I will however offer and pay on the second. I think it speaks wonders if you do offer on the first date, meaning that you haven’t been treated like a princess and guys have made you pay before. Set the standards up front!

10 years, 3 months ago

Oh. My. God. So it WAS a ruse, this whole “Can I use your bathroom?” thing. I have suspected as much for years. The last guy who asked, I told him my toilet was broken and he should try the gas station on the corner. (Of course, that was the same guy who asked me to me meet him out for our first date at his 10-year high school reunion in the suburbs, so he really deserved it.)

Justin
10 years, 3 months ago

Are those unisex dating tips, because some of them made me confused after it said the tips were for women.

10 years, 3 months ago

Good list. I’d imagine the same women criticizing this list read Cosmo and their “Top ten ways to ‘whatever'” lists.

joe
10 years, 3 months ago

Oh, DCB, you got that joking/serious thing going on to the max. You rock. F— the haters.

The Truth Hurts
10 years, 3 months ago

“Tease, but give in eventually so I don?t have to deal with painful cramps on a shameful ride home.”

They wouldn’t have coined the phrase “blue balls” if it wasn’t appropriate.

inSOMnia
10 years, 3 months ago

Very wise words Grasshopper

10 years, 3 months ago

DCB–like to see your readership and comments are up. Good work on this one–despite the fact that the CPMC can’t endorse all of it. Oh, who the f^&k are we kidding.

By the way, you should work for Penn & Teller’s show “Bullshit.” Keepin’ it real…

10 years, 3 months ago

Nice list. And props to Greg, true dat. Silly women :banana:

10 years ago

I am honored to see someone posting under my name. Hate me, please?

Shannon
9 years, 8 months ago

God DCB, I bet your’e SEXY! :love:

girl with no humor
9 years, 7 months ago

I get the feeling, that women and men in the States really hate each other and try to find out who gets the last laugh. Sad. Do you know what to do with each other at all (exept having sex)???

Anonymous
9 years, 4 months ago

supporters and haters of this blog – you are all sarchastic and jaded – you would be surprised how far just being geniune + funny will get you

(hetrosexual man in DC who is good with the ladies)

IPOP
9 years, 4 months ago

O.K. Here’s the deal!!
1. If I asked him out O.K., but if he asked me out he’d better be prpared to pay for whatever I decide to eat!
2. If I invite my DATE up, it ain’t for drinks or dessert, or to use my restroom it is for his company.
3. If you want easy girls, don’t go on dates, go to the strip club!
4. If she is tugging, maybe you should teach her the same lesson, it hurts us too!
5. ANYTHING?? Good Luck w/ that, we are women!!
6. Have you read #5? If you kiss her neck, she’ll have nowhere else to kiss but yours!
7. Please!! You can’t put a time limit on this. That’s like saying tell me you LOVE me no later than the 3rd date, for my precious time spent w/ you!!
8. Totally agree, who cares about ex’s?
9. Re-seduce? I thought it was called four-play!

9 years, 2 months ago

This is the most ridiculous thing I ever read. These aren’t dating tips for getting Mr.Right. These are dating tips for getting you.

SMILE
9 years, 1 month ago

well i can agree with the list, do what you will with us. You just might not get any girls at all…but then again i like to be treated badly kind of a turn-on……….

8 years, 11 months ago

You may be interested in a book called Catch Him and Keep Him. We did a review in the book and it was really good. If you are looking for a GREAT book on dating tips for women check out Catch Him and Keep Him. They even ley you read it FREE for 7 days!

annie
8 years, 11 months ago

agree with Natasha, these are totally not dating tips for women, they’re DCBachelor’s wish-list for a hassle-free fuck.

Cali Girl
8 years, 9 months ago

Funny. With all these dates you claim to be having, one wonders how you have so much time to compose all these idiotic blogs.

donna
8 years ago

so, i read on some other part of this site, i think something about advice from women, that they “never sell out their kind” .. well, it doesnt seem like guys do either. seems like the tips for guys are to subtly treat girls like shit and for girls, to subtly treat guys like martyrs, ..so im sorry but your a hipocrite.. are all guys hipocrites too? no, just you.

Dead-On
7 years, 6 months ago

I love #7, “put out” at date 4.
There’s nothing more frustrating to a guy than a woman playing a game, which includes not sleeping w/him at date 7/8/9/etc. Be reasonable or do the right thing and stop seeing him.

I’m only posting this b/c of previous comments where women are offended by the list. Get over it!

MEnotYOU
7 years, 5 months ago

LOL r u serious!!! This is such a load of BULL…U want me to pay on the 1st date, when 9 out of 10 times U ASKED ME OUT!! Then u want me to let u hit, after the 4th date!!! WOW!! But imma be the crazy one in about 2 months wondering why u havent called! LMAO! Dude ure so lame!

7 years, 5 months ago

While out on the date, make sure to take it easy and go with the flow.

7 years, 4 months ago

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